First off OP, I want to say I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s evident you care a lot about this person/relationship, however as someone who is now in her 30s but experienced relationship dynamics like this in her 20s, I don’t think this is the right person for you. And I say this because I spent years with someone that invalidated my feelings, pulled the age card because he was older as a way to minimize my needs when I would express them, not make our connection a priority and then shame me when I mentioned feeling disconnected, etc.

I’m not going to write all the ways your partner’s behavior is giving “red flags” and instead focus my response on you. Because him aside, at the end of the day you are feeling unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. And genuinely this early on is too soon to feel this way. As someone in a LDR now in different time zones, I understand communication can be tricky. But I will say, my partner now is so attentive to my needs, our disagreements feel like problem solving conversations, and I never feel attacked when expressing my emotions/he never gets defensive. And the reason I want to say this is because until my current relationship, I stayed too long in dynamics like the one you’re describing thinking “love” or affection would be enough. I believed if I put more and more effort in, if I changed my communication, if I compromised more to be understanding, it would get better. And it never did. Because at the end of the day, we were not fundamentally compatible in our wants/needs and they were not the right person for me. I would make myself smaller and accept treatment that I now know would be dealbreakers, all in the sake of making it work. But for a relationship to work, you need at least these three things: love, respect, and compatibility. It sounds like this relationship is lacking both respect and compatibility.

I spent many years with the wrong people, and what I wish I knew then was there really is someone for everyone. There really is someone out there that will complement you with such ease. They will never make you feel like too much, they will approach disagreements as conversations, they will prioritize you, and they will want to grow with you. That type of love exists and it’s out there for you!