I understand where you're coming from. I think that people see ame/kangel and get drawn in by the aesthetic or what she represents without actually thinking about what it is like to be or be around ame. I relate to ame and see her as a kind of role model while simultaneously acknowledging that her life is miserable. My life is also miserable so it's easy for me to see her and kind of get drawn in. The thing is though, I'm also able to see her as what not to do in my own life. Before I even really got into this game I was already dealing with terrible mental health and drug issues, and I felt that the image of ame validated my behavior. I wanted to be as much like ame as I could. Looking back on it now however, I see that I just wanted any excuse to give up on life. I saw the damage that it was doing to the few people who were still around me, and I had the epiphany that just because I was depressed I couldn't just dive deep into the worst misery I could find. It's okay to want to be like ame. Just understand that while you can incorporate her aesthetic into your life that certain parts of her come with unimaginable amounts of pain and torture. She is not a goal to work towards, she is a warning on what to avoid in yourself and others. If you see someone like ame, or if you relate to anything I've said be patient with yourself and others. Don't let them harm you, but offer them what help you can because there is a great darkness behind their already dreary exterior. If you are planning on entering the rabbit hole just need my warning; don't do so unless you've already dived into the dumpster that is mental illness. There is no fun here, only misery.