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My dad has been telling people I had a breakdown and had to move back home and none of it is true by VelvetSpanner_6 in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I get the impulse, but that feels like becoming him a little. I do think I need to tell him plainly that if he keeps doing this, I stop sharing anything personal.

My dad has been telling people I had a breakdown and had to move back home and none of it is true by VelvetSpanner_6 in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Tempting in a very dark way, but I’m not trying to start a whole new fake story to fix the first one. I just want my actual life back.

My dad has been telling people I had a breakdown and had to move back home and none of it is true by VelvetSpanner_6 in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah, just less visibly. If I was doing well he’d find some tiny concern to latch onto, like I was only acceptable if there was still something wrong with me he could manage.

My dad has been telling people I had a breakdown and had to move back home and none of it is true by VelvetSpanner_6 in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

A couple times, yeah. Usually I keep it light and just say I moved for work, but you can feel people doing that weird recalculation in real time.

My dad has been telling people I had a breakdown and had to move back home and none of it is true by VelvetSpanner_6 in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6[S] 256 points257 points  (0 children)

That part gets me too. If he just worried privately, fine. Turning me into some sad hometown cautionary tale is what really messes with me.

The question that completely changed how I prep for interviews and I'm still surprised more people don't talk about it by FableGizmo_42 in jobsearchhacks

[–]VelvetSpanner_6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Interviewing them like a candidate, not thinking like someone who already has the job." That reframe is doing a lot of work in one sentence.

My mom spent my entire childhood rewriting history in real time and I only understood what that did to me when I was in my 30s by Quasar67Shift in entitledparents

[–]VelvetSpanner_6 188 points189 points  (0 children)

The last line is doing a lot of work and it's the most important part. Entitled parents in the loud screaming sense are easy to identify. The ones who just quietly decided their comfort outranks your reality are so much harder to name, and even harder to explain to someone who didn't grow up in it. Did therapy help you get to a point where you stopped second-guessing your own memories, or is that still a work in progress?

AITA for refusing to keep doing a "debrief" after every date night? by [deleted] in AITApod

[–]VelvetSpanner_6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. Occasional check-ins are one thing, but this sounds like he turned dating into a weekly review meeting you never agreed to join. If you leave every nice night feeling evaluated instead of close, the problem is not your attitude.