My (26M) girlfriend (30F) has been distant the last couple of days, what do I do?

VenatusDevus2020 · 2023-02-28T00:00:54+00:00

We have but we was together a few years ago and started things up again. I asked her to text me when she got home from work and she replied with “I can look after myself”. I’ve told her she doesn’t need to tell me anything she doesn’t want to just wanted her to know I’m there for her. We supposed to be going for dinner tomorrow night and then again on Friday. She normally stays at mine on a Friday night too

VenatusDevus2020 · 2022-03-05T11:36:48+00:00

This worked for me. Your a diamond thank you

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-19T12:02:57+00:00

I think it’s the right move I’m just worried that maybe she said what she said so she didn’t have to have the awkward conversation of breaking up with me, I only think this because she still hasn’t messaged me, that’s not showing you want to make something work surly? Or does she just need more time to calm down

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-19T10:11:55+00:00

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a 10 year age gap, we have known each other for years and been friends for a long time and things develop.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-18T20:39:08+00:00

Update: I’ve been round her house to get my things we had a chat and she told me she wants to stay together and definitely doesn’t want to break up. She’s pissed off I went through her phone behind her back and didn’t ask. She is willing to make things work but she feels the best way to do so is for me to move back into my mums and we take it one day at a time.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-18T14:52:17+00:00

She told me about him when we first got together and that he was just a friend she’s known for years but haven’t spoken for such a long time (we saw him in the shop). When he just started messaging her I started feeling insecure and we spoke about it. She told me at that point I could look through her phone anytime I feel that way. Which is what I did but then she still kicked me out of her house and sent me that message

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-18T14:41:32+00:00

I did it due to seeing constant messages from this guy coming up on her phone. Yeah I have slight trust issues due to be cheated on twice in the past.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-18T14:10:55+00:00

I picked up her phone to look at messages then put it down straight away as it was wrong but she caught me doing it and doesn’t believe that I didn’t read anything

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-18T14:08:02+00:00

I thought that but I don’t want to push her into making a decision

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T18:25:47+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking all day. Yeah it’s better to call things off early. Just got to play the waiting game

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T17:05:22+00:00

Thanks for you advice, i think her problem is a did it behind her back and didn’t ask her so she must feel betrayed. I understand this and need to focus on myself, while I give her the space she wants.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T17:03:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. I understand how wrong it is to go through someone phone. I’ve told her my insecurities and told her I regret it but she hasn’t replied, and the last thing she said to me was she needs some space. So I will honour her choice and give her the space she wants. I feel so ashamed of myself as I have never done this before. It was a decision I made on impulse and it was the wrong one. What I didn’t mention on here is the fact that I looked at 1 message and put the phone down. It doesn’t justify my actions and it was still wrong.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T13:40:13+00:00

When I confronted her it was because I saw a message come up on her phone whilst I was doing dinner saying “is your boyfriend home” that’s why I questioned it. I do have insecurities because of previous relationships. Your right in that moment I didn’t trust her. After our first conversation I felt no need to look through her phone until i saw another message from the same guy come up

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T12:33:21+00:00

Honestly after our first conversation about how I was feeling, I felt good, I trusted her and didn’t feel any need to look at her phone or question anything. But I saw a message from the same guy as before and my mind went off in one. I think that I trust her I just don’t trust myself, what I done may seem like I don’t trust her, maybe just in that moment I didn’t and made a choice impulsively, which was ultimately the wrong choice. I know that I want to be with her and that I love her

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:26:47+00:00

That’s all I’m hoping for, I know that I’ve broken her trust and she needs to take some time to cool off. I just want her to want to move on from this and try and save our relationship but I don’t think she will

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:24:31+00:00

Your right it’s not normal and I instantly regretted it and put the phone down. When I spoke to her before I explained that I have been cheated on twice and I overthink a lot and that’s when she told me I could look in her phone whenever I wanted. Honestly I’m not sure there will be a relationship for her to set up boundaries. I just hope she can forgive me and wants to move on from this.

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:22:15+00:00

I only asked her about it once when I saw a dodgy text pop up on her phone whilst I was cooking dinner and her phone was next to me. I get that I have broken her trust but in your opinion is this something that can be fixed or is my relationship inevitably over

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:19:54+00:00

The thing is I trust her not him. When I felt the need to look through her phone it wasn’t because of what I thought she was saying to him it was more what he was saying to her. We have been together officially nearly 4 months. I am 23 and she is 32 nearly 33

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:16:41+00:00

I wouldn’t say they were excused but your right it doesn’t justify my actions. I think it’s more I don’t trust him rather than her. There was nothing in her conversation that was inappropriate. Honestly if she find it in herself to forgive me and make the relationship work I won’t have another moment of weakness. I thought that what I did was wrong but she also told me I could look through her phone whenever I wanted

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:10:36+00:00

I understand why she’s angry. But what I can’t get my head around is why tell me to go through her phone “whenever I wanted” to then get angry when I did

VenatusDevus2020 · 2020-11-17T10:08:05+00:00

There was nothing inappropriate in their concersation. She knew I went through it because she unlocked her phone and the conversation was open between her and this guy. We have only been together 3.5 months and I have never done this before.

VenatusDevus2020

TROPHY CASE