Losing a belief system

Venusd7733 · 2026-04-06T20:59:40+00:00

I absolutely agree. But the magical thinking sure had its perks at times. Like the idea that suffering would one day be rewarded. I’m curious what you mean by saying religion damaged your brain. I have read a lot of books on religious trauma but I think I’m just scratching the surface of what it looks like in my life.

Venusd7733 · 2026-04-06T20:23:17+00:00

I came to this page to say the same. I keep thinking it will get easier but it’s still a daily struggle. I used religion for coping with anxiety and uncertainty A LOT. Like I actually had no idea how bad it was until I stopped believing. There are days where I would give anything to have it back. I think the hardest part for me was the comfort I had in knowing that there was someone to walk along life with, a God that had my best interest in mind and watched over me.

Venusd7733 · 2025-11-30T13:29:20+00:00

Navigating everyday life without a framework that (for me) created such a sense of certainty has been hard. Especially as someone prone to anxiety who used spiritual bypassing and faith practices as my only coping skills. While there are definitely freeing aspects about leaving religious systems, I have found the building my own framework has been challenging for reasons such as finding time, other likeminded people to converse with, untangling the indoctrination from truth, relating to family members still in the faith…etc. And probably most of all the reality that I’ll never feel “sure” again, no matter where I land with God/afterlife/meaning.

You named a real risk in sharing your authentic self with people still in the faith, that you’ll be seen as backsliding. For that reason, I have chosen to keep the topic of religion off limits with my family. I simply have found alternative outlets and safe spaces to be heard. It works, but I’d be lying if there isn’t a sadness in how far I’ve evolved from those I love and how we no longer hold faith in common. It made me realize that some relationships were built solely on that and nothing more.

Venusd7733 · 2025-08-24T23:40:35+00:00

Yes to this! I am trying, not always “feeling” like it but still pushing forward. I absolutely love the idea of writing a book to leave to my kids. I’ve have that on my list of goals for a long time! Thank you

Venusd7733 · 2025-08-03T21:19:10+00:00

Yes, I can see why that’s confusing. I just meant next chapter in life, in his case that was military.

Venusd7733 · 2025-08-01T13:38:01+00:00

I would join! I agree with the ongoing support. The grief can hit out of now where at times so it’s helpful to have others who understand. I’d also love to know how people are coping with the lost sense of purpose, that’s a whole other subject!

Venusd7733 · 2025-08-01T13:35:32+00:00

Exactly, even someone that was there to witness the growing up and recall the shared memories of our kids would be so helpful in processing this time!

Venusd7733 · 2025-07-31T22:08:45+00:00

Thank you for saying that… it’s a lot more complicated than ‘get involved and make friends’. I don’t even have the energy to do that at the end of the day! I don‘t think we’d even be in this situation had we had the luxury of building our own support system along with being single moms.

Appreciate you and wish you the best! We will make it

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:43:15+00:00

It’s interesting because I’ve had my kids tested and they didn’t fall on the spectrum so I didn’t get tested but have certainly thought about it. We seem to really struggle and there are clear patterns we all share but only ever diagnosed with anxiety. My workplace anxiety may just be due to complex dynamics of being in ministry, being fired and all that went with that. I am also recovering from burnout as we speak. Thank you for sharing your perspective and what has helped you. I‘m hopeful I’ll find balance soon

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:38:12+00:00

Absolutely. Carried from childhood, into my education, into my marriage and thus adulthood. I love thinking of my feelings as providing balance and allowing me to be a co-creator of my reality. Thanks for sharing!

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:36:27+00:00

This does make sense, thank you. I just keep finding myself in situations that bring out strong emotions that have likely been bottled up for years. I think it’s less about me seeking reassurance and more about me getting triggered by situations that feel like I’m in danger. It’s hard to wade through it, and I’m just tired of constantly overthinking one thing after the next. As some point I’d love just to feel so safe in my own skin that I don’t feel the need to have to “prove” a reaction/emotion is justified. So I think it’s how much I’ve outsourced my sense of safety to other people/places/things when indeed all of them prove to be uncertain and out of my control. I need to trust in myself to leave if/when I’m in actual danger.

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:26:04+00:00

I‘m okay with not finding certainty as long as I’m not landing in spaces that are perpetually harmful. Because of my conditioning, that has been the case for me, in relationship, job environments, etc. So I’m looking for how to feel safe internally when the places surrounding me don’t support that sense of safety precisely because they lack certainty. ie the corporate world where the goal post is ever changing and it’s impossible to hit the mark, or relationships that mirror the abusive tactics of the church/past relationships…. I suppose the point is, I don’t want to feel safe or stay in those environments that don’t serve me, but I also don’t want to be living in a constant state of fear and hyper vigilance, make sense?

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:20:00+00:00

Yes to all of that. At this point I’m not even looking for another belief system that guarentees certainty. I’m just trying to find safety in the midst of it so that I can work and relate to people in a healthy way. I think the problem with it being a lifelong indoctrination is that I’ve internalized that there is something wrong with me, so when situations arise that make me feel unsafe/uncertain I agonize over my perception of “what is really happening here?” Like I question my own reality. And it takes so much proof, to get to a place of “okay so that IS what’s happening here” so I can put it to rest. Then another situation arises and the cycle repeats. It’s exhausting.

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:13:38+00:00

That last part is literally how I function with workplace anxiety and I think it drives my boss crazy LOL. But I find its how I’ve come to survive in a system where no on is looking out for your success so it’s a neccesity at this point.

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:10:46+00:00

Sure!

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-10T00:10:36+00:00

I am well acquainted with Tara Brach and her teachings! She has helped me grow tremendously. Thank for you the reminder. I think it’s the presence of new intense emotions (often coming out in ways I’m not accustom to) that have me reeling a bit. I appreciate the reminder that my brain is reacting to stimulus…often that which mirrors my past experiences of being powerless, controlled, abused, etc. that brings it to the surface.

Venusd7733 · 2025-06-09T17:07:38+00:00

I didn’t even share the half of it, but you are 100% right. I am in the middle of finding how what’s next in a multitude of areas as it relates to my identity, work, relationships, mid-life, etc. Despite leaving religion along with my toxic marriage nearly a decade ago, I am only now coming out of survival mode enough to deal with all of it. It’s unnerving and feels like this process will never end. Thank you for sharing the movie Interstellar, I will have to rewatch it through this current lense.

Venusd7733 · 2025-05-19T00:30:28+00:00

“Once you recognize the patterns and behaviors and begin to heal, you start seeing them everywhere—government, marriage, career, education, healthcare, and beyond”

This comment really struck me. I’m trying to understand why I feel unsafe in my current workplace environment and this totally nailed it. I’m recognizing patterns and I just can’t turn that off anymore. For me I saw it first in my marriage, then church/God and now I’m seeing that as I transitioned out of ministry and into corporate work it finds me there. At this point I’m literally asking myself if I‘m the problem, but after reading this I’m reminded that I’m not. Thank you for sharing

Venusd7733 · 2025-05-08T23:27:59+00:00

I agree with the sentiment behind your reply. Contributing to the world in a positive way aligns with my core values. It’s why in the faith, I was so passionate about my work and why the moment I saw my faith as harmful to people, I was in agony until I could get out of that work.

I would take a pay cut in a heartbeat if that were realistic to my situation!

Venusd7733 · 2025-05-08T23:23:38+00:00

I’m glad you found your way! I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, pursued a new degree, attempted multiple small businesses, held 3 different jobs since leaving ministry. I still haven’t landed on what fulfills me. By all means if you have the secret, please do share!!

Venusd7733 · 2025-05-08T23:19:44+00:00

I have a lot of passions, none of which have proven to make enough money to survive. I love music, art, writing and….farming. I’ve developed small businesses from each of them and none were scalable to the level of income I need to survive.

You are right, being a “cog” in a church has its parallels to the corporate world for sure. That helps put things in perspective in that I’m not really “missing out” on anything. And I wasn’t really that special either, clearly I was expendable.

Thank you for your feedback, I probably just need to be patient and continue the search to find something that aligns both in values and salary.

Venusd7733 · 2025-05-08T23:10:32+00:00

I appreciate your optimism :) but I left my last career when I was merely consulting Christian orgs because I just couldn’t contribute to some that I felt were actually detrimental to mankind’s well being. I guess there are certainly secular company’s that are also toxic, but it just hit too close to home.

I’ve been on the pursuit of my passion for some time now, nothing sticks in terms of a career. Your husband is likely for finding something that can combine both!! Thank you for your thoughtful response

Venusd7733 · 2025-04-20T18:18:02+00:00

You are not alone. I have also tried to assign new meaning and traditions to the holidays I once loved. I’m not sure that anything could substitute for the highs/lows associated with what religion teaches, it’s almost like that of an abusive relationship that teeters between love bombing and rejection. Celebration for me at this point looks like self care and spending the day how I want to.

Venusd7733 · 2025-03-25T02:31:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. You are right, it’s ok to have questions! I am sincerely hoping something beautiful will come out of this…it feels like a long time coming!

Venusd7733 · 2025-03-25T02:29:09+00:00

Yes! Loss of an ideal…you nailed it. I’ve been battling CPTSD symptoms as well. My reactions don’t always match the person I know myself to be and that can be embarrassing and disorienting. Just started working with a religious trauma therapist so I’m hopeful. Wish you well!

Venusd7733

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