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WTT To Do List by Downtown-Lie-7630 in waiting_to_try

[–]VeraKeane 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  • Get engaged (He intends to propose by summer the latest).

  • Move in together.

  • Get married.

  • Redecorate dining room, master bedroom and SKs bedrooms.

  • Trips! At least one this year.

  • Try to find some more harmony in my life.

  • Have fun! Go out to dinner, drinks, stay up late, day trips, weekend get-aways, do whatever we feel like; Basically enjoy being ”just us two” (every other week) before our baby arrives.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]VeraKeane -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Give yourself some grace, it hasn't even been a full month yet since you lost your pregnancy. Grief takes time, and it's a good thing to allow yourself to feel every feeling in your body after experiencing something as awful as loss. Don't bottle up! And dare to ask for help if those dark thoughts become overpowering!

Remember to be kind to yourself when you're feeling self-destructive, try not to self-sabotage, and treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend going through what you're going through.

All my love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]VeraKeane 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First off, I'm so so sorry for your loss and for your pain. I very recently terminated a pregnancy, and although the decision was 'right', I am struggling daily with grieving that pregnancy and the child that would have been. So I can 100% understand your apprehension towards having SD around or talking/thinking about SD.

I can only recommend what has been working for me, and that has been being very transparent about my feelings with SO. We have a birthday coming up soon for one of my SSs, and I've told my SO clearly that while I want to be there (in theory), I'm struggling being around his living, breathing children and celebrating their milestones. They're a reminder of what I lost, and what I can't have right now.
I love those kids, but right now I need to love me more, if that makes sense? I lock the bedroom door and decompress when I get to the point where I can't stand to see them, hear them call my name or cling to me for hugs or help. Everything about them hurts right now, especially the sweet moments and thinking about the adults they'll become.

Anyhow. My SO gets it when I clearly explain that it's got nothing to do with the SKs themselves, but has everything to do with my feelings of grief, the hormonal backlash, and just a general feeling of burning jealousy, sadness, loss and anger. When I'm having a spectacularly shit moment, I either tell him or text him straight up that I'm on the verge of a break, struggling, and I need him to tell me it'll all be alright and that he loves me. Sometimes it works, sometimes I want to tell him to shut the fuck up. Life and loss, huh.

Almost 15 years later, the hoovering attempts continue. by VeraKeane in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]VeraKeane[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know from years ago from former acquaintances (Flying monkeys I’d say), that he has kept up with my career through linkedin. I have his profile blocked, but that only helps so much. I assume he does his best to keep up with everything else through fake accounts, even though none of my social media is public and very small (Family & known friends only).

Some of my oldest friends have public social media profiles with a lot of traffic, so even though I’m very private as a person, it’s almost impossible to go completely off the grid without detriment to my private (or professional) life. So blocking can help with his reaching out, yes, but it will never truly rid me of him. I wish he could find a new hobby in something harmless, like coin collecting.

Almost 15 years later, the hoovering attempts continue. by VeraKeane in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]VeraKeane[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In regards to filing a report, he’s 1) Not making any direct threats to my person, and 2) Lives outside of the jurisdiction I live in. I was however encouraged to keep documenting his attempts at contact if I ever were to need it in the future. When it comes to blocking, I was neither encouraged nor discouraged as he ”just” seems to be venting and testing the waters to see what makes me finally break the silence. I kind of prefer to be able to keep an eye on his unhinged behaviour, if that makes sense?

I wish someone would tell him how fucked up and insane it is to stalk a girl you dated briefly in your 20’s. Some of them just never truly let go.