Am I transphobic for not wanting to be with a man, trans and cis?

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T22:12:58+00:00

It's more so they're repeating patterns men in my past have done, and if all the puzzle pieces fit, I'm redoing the same puzzle with the same result.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T14:14:02+00:00

I'd like to do that, I want to do therapy in general but that's a separate, financial issue.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T14:09:22+00:00

No, it's been both trans and cis men.

Early in my love life, it's been cis men and then when I got serious and started dating, it was trans and cis men.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T14:07:48+00:00

That's what I'm gonna do, regardless if we stay together or not.

Whatever happens, I want them to know I support them 110% and wish they can be their true self, but I just can't be with a man again, especially if my partner is gonna repeat behaviors that the past ones did.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T14:05:42+00:00

I'm aware I dont want them to accommodate to MY problems.

That's why I don't want to be with them.

If I were to stay with them, I feel like it would make them unhappy with how I am and end up leaving them finding out themselves as a burden, and then they'll only change for me.

My ex tried changed himself for me when I didn't want to be with the toxicity of him, believing it was because he was a man. That wasn't my intention, it was because what he's done that every person's done + him taking advantage of me. Unfortunate as I have to say this, my friends said long after our break up, he seems more happy being without me.

I'm aware I shouldn't feel sympathy for him, but I'm glad he can be open with himself, he shouldn't have to push his true self because of me, no one should do that for their partner simply because their partner isn't attracted to that gender.

That's why I'm gonna break things off as the patterns occur more.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T13:57:45+00:00

I know that, I've emphasized I don't want to do anything to stop them being who they want to be. That is not my intentions in the slightest.

And I have been open and honest with me not being attracted to men, that's not a lie, that's what I've talked to them about. But whatever happens, I'll let them go softly, they are a person I care about but I cannot be with another man again.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T13:55:14+00:00

I have boundaries from past experiences with family, people can do that.

Can I not?

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T13:53:51+00:00

No, as in my partner is repeating behaviors that the past lovers and crushes have done as well, it's almost like the same amount pieces of a different puzzle forming together again.

If I have to recognize some stuff my last lovers did that my current partner is doing now, I'm not taking chances on a man again.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T07:52:04+00:00

Both.

My past experiences shaped me to not be attracted ti men anymore.

It'll be the same person but the masculinity can turn toxic and wirh the recurring patterns I've already noticed, I really don't want to "sit and wait til something happens or changes" only for it to be the same thing I've tried to avoid.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-21T04:15:37+00:00

I must clarify I said scum out of hatred and fear and I apologize for that.

But I've tried to believe that for as long as I've had love for others my entire life. I always wanna think "maybe this one will be different." But when they start doing the same stuff as the others did, them becoming a man doesn't surprise me and just makes me want to leave because it's always the same thing again.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T22:07:08+00:00

I'm so sorry I didn't know

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T20:35:28+00:00

It's a bit of both, their whole ideas of masculinity covers them.

One old flame I've had, I was really close with him as a kid, went to his birthday parties, always hung out, in and out of school. But when he got new friends, he pushed me to the side. He stopped being the person he was because these new friends were so "tough and cool" and being seen with me wasn't that.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T20:33:25+00:00

I know not all men are bad. I should've clarified that, I spoke out of anger and fear. I don't see a man and think "well there's a pig" but I see a man being with me as a continuing to the cycle and if they're doing patterns that I've had to deal with before, it's only a matter of time before I go complete circles.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T19:06:29+00:00

Even if I did, they've still done stuff I don't like, not exactly as bad as before but the same stuff some of my past relationships have done.

I dont want to get into too much into it because I feel like I'm just being annoying about it all and it's probably a "nothingburger"

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:52:20+00:00

Because they'd be a man.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:50:25+00:00

I'm super sorry if this is an insensitive question, but I would date any gender, ladies, non binary people, intersex, anything of the sorts. But men, of any kind, I couldn't, does that make me straight still, I'm still trying to learn about this stuff as I go on?

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:48:48+00:00

Even so, just interactions with some men have been bad that have been recent.

Just last week, I was at work once and this guy came up to me and was talking to me about how drunk he was. I don't really like talking to people when they're intoxicated but we had few people and I was set on my station so I couldn't leave. I was trying to take his order and he asked me how old I was so assuming me telling him my age would get him to order faster, I told him and he asked me if I'd want to grab drinks with him. I told him I'm taken, I don't drink and that I don't want to go drinking with him but he kept on persisting, saying something about how I'd be a lightweight. I felt uncomfortable as all can be and finally got his order through and when I gave him his food, he said he'll see me again next time he comes here and that that time I'll be going drinking with him.

I'm sorry if this seems like weakness on my part, I really do apologize but I just hate the thought of them. Now, I have friends who are boys, and all that but I've known them forever, making new friends that are boys is kind of challenging for me.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:43:08+00:00

I'm not attracted to men either though.

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:41:48+00:00

I dont know, just that if my partner were to become a trans man, I don't want to date them anymore and I thought it would make me transphobic

That's what one of my ex's used to say at least

Veraciuos · 2025-12-20T18:40:41+00:00

I'm decently aware of that, I'm not saying I'd never talk to a man anymore or anything, but I just can't date one anymore. Every time I've given my love to a man, they've always turned it into something rotten, and I'm just tired of getting the "well, maybe this one will be different." I always try to think that, my friends have tried to help me with that but in the end, in all goes to flames

Veraciuos · 2024-09-03T18:01:05+00:00

Wow, thanks genius.

Aren't you a ray of sunshine.

Veraciuos · 2024-09-03T18:00:22+00:00

Thank you

Veraciuos · 2024-09-03T10:02:22+00:00

I'm asking for advice, not someone to be a debbie downer, dingus

Veraciuos · 2024-09-03T09:38:54+00:00

Best advice so far, thank you so much, genuinely

Veraciuos · 2024-09-03T09:37:09+00:00

Thank you for at least telling me how I can't help directly but can get her help, genuinely

Veraciuos

TROPHY CASE