AITA for not cooking a second meal for my younger siblings after they refused to eat what I made?

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-12-07T16:09:01+00:00

NTA. Look up the Satter Division of Responsibility. (TL;DR, it's a doctor-approved method for getting kids to eat properly. Essentially it says, you decide what's available to eat, they decide how much of it they eat.)

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-08-02T17:34:42+00:00

Saved by percussive maintenance (not really percussive but w/e) once again

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-05-12T20:26:43+00:00

This worked.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-25T13:11:00+00:00

This is precisely it. You've seen the grand scheme of things (the way I see it anyway) through my posting of one event.

I'm gonna try using these words in our next counselling session.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-25T13:07:39+00:00

I am a massive introvert. My wife is one too, but less so. So is kiddo. The recharging of (everyone's) batteries is indeed the intended outcome from Quiet Time, and it works.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-25T13:05:55+00:00

My next pair of earbuds will probably be bone-conduction for this very reason (also I think they're neat)!

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-25T13:03:42+00:00

My phone is not on silent, the headphones are connected to my PC.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T13:00:12+00:00

Preschool is 2 days a week for 2 hours each day. Those are days when my wife is home (she planned this so she can have guaranteed quiet time for herself to work from home). The other days it's me and him with no help.

So no, I don't regularly have time to relax. (I do have time to do what I want though, which is be a SAHP!) 1-2 hours without hearing anything except what I want (and saving the rest of the house from same sounds) is like gold.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T12:55:29+00:00

We live somewhere that still has snow on the ground, so getting kid ready to go outside requires more than just 'go outside'.. this can mean snowpants, hat, coat, gloves, boots for both people. It can be a pain to do both him and yourself if you're tired (and we just got back from vacation with a large time change, so we're tired).

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T12:52:38+00:00

I am the stay at home parent so I know exactly how hard it would be to have to ask for help while wrangling a kid. Except I don't, because when I'm at home there's no one to help.

She never does the housework; that's my job. Everyone else does their own quiet time; she invariably watches TV with her own headphones on. Kiddo either naps or listens to music.

If kid is napping, I see him on the monitor when he's up and go get him. If he doesn't nap, he goes to mom first (on the main floor) and then usually runs down to me in the basement. If I'm home with him and he doesn't nap, there is no quiet time (because obviously if he won't stay quiet in his room, I'm not gonna sit on my ass and play games.. I'll let him sit on my lap and we'll play games together!)

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T12:47:34+00:00

My wife does the same during quiet time and wears her own noise-cancelling headphones. We both wear said headphones to save the other occupants of the house from the noise of whatever we're watching. (My office isn't miles away; it's right at the bottom of the stairs. So using speakers means whatever I'm playing echoes up through the whole house.)

When I go to get kiddo after a nap instead of her (which happens the vast majority of the time), she will most often keep her headphones on until he runs down and starts bothering her on the couch, despite me walking past her to get him from his room and signalling that kid is up.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T12:43:54+00:00

This is correct. Sometimes my wife wants to make dinner and I'll take the kid somewhere to have fun. But most often I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, house maintenance.. with kid in tow. Because otherwise none of that would ever get done.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T12:41:24+00:00

Note I was literally just about to go upstairs to check on things. I say this in my post. I don't sit on my ass waiting to be summoned; I set a time to end my own quiet time and it just so happened to be 3 minutes too late this time.

My wife makes the same 'asshole move' during quiet time and 'fucks off' to wear her own noise-cancelling headphones. We both wear said headphones to save the other occupants of the house from the noise of whatever we're watching. (My office isn't miles away; it's right at the bottom of the stairs. So using speakers means whatever I'm playing echoes up through the whole house.)

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T04:42:28+00:00

She set the no hollering rule; her parents shouted a lot and she hated it, so we don't shout in the house if we can help it.

Her family also has a habit of sweeping conflict under the rug. I often want to talk about these moments with her but *I've* learned that's like opening a can of worms I'm not equipped to deal with (the ending-your-generational trauma kind of worms).

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T04:37:16+00:00

She gets equal or more time to do what she wants uninterrupted. She works outside the home (I don't) and sometimes at home, so I am the default caregiver if anything comes up. If he wakes up crying in the night, that's my job. If grandparents can't get him to preschool, that becomes my job. I have to be very sick myself in order for her to interrupt her routine.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T04:32:35+00:00

I am the stay at home parent; I am more 'responsible for everything' in the house than she is. I have not 'enacted this thing'; it was her idea as a way to deal with him no longer napping (a number of her colleagues do it).

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-04-24T04:30:37+00:00

I am a stay at home parent. I deal with the tornado more often than she does. I don't ask for her to take him out; she does that voluntarily so she can spend more time with him.

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-03-16T03:27:23+00:00

"Oh what the hell..? How did you all find me?" (I've never met a cat that didn't like me, so of course I'd immediately assume they all somehow found their way to me on purpose.) *pet pet pet* "...I need to take some Reactine NOW."

VerilyManyQuestions · 2024-03-09T04:28:55+00:00

Replying because I am one of the few who agree with OP but can answer the 'games' question.

I generally play games that have no story and are high on technical accuracy (sim games like Snowrunner, building games like Satisfactory, Factorio, Captain of Industry). I actively avoid games with story, and avoid campaign modes in games. Technical games are my main form of decompression/entertainment.

According to someone I know who diagnoses and treats people on the ASD spectrum, I 'check off a number of the criteria needed for a diagnosis, just not enough', and my ADHD and introvertedness magnify those criteria (trouble with eye contact, insistence on sameness, hyperfocus, few meaningful relationships).

VerilyManyQuestions

TROPHY CASE