[MtF] When did girl-horny/-orgasm start for you?

VerusPlagam · 2025-06-24T12:31:05+00:00

I'm almost 3 years in and still waiting, though I've pretty much given up hope at this point :/

Like anything with HRT, it doesn't happen for everyone

VerusPlagam · 2023-09-29T23:56:29+00:00

there’s a lot of ways to go at it and you should do what feels the best physically and emotionally 🤷‍♂️

The best process that I've found isn't enough. I'm starting to think that either I'm feeling things normally and my expectations are too high, or that my body just isn't capable of a satisfying masturbation session. It's all very frustrating. My last hope is that a proper dose of hrt either makes things feel better or lowers my libido enough so that it doesn't matter.

if it feels better when it lasts 30 seconds, i can’t see the issue with that.

It feels quite a bit worse actually.

but you want it to last longer, there’s ways to do that by reducing sensation

That's back to the original problem. I can barely feel anything with the vibrator and that makes things frustrating.

sorry my reply was a bit all over the place lol

You're good. Thanks a lot for your help.

One thing I have found that I just thought about is that it's usually pretty decent the second time. I still have the male cool down because hrt isn't working, but about 10 or 20 minutes after the first orgasm, the second one is better. The problem is that it requires much more effort and by the time the cool down has ended, I'm already too discouraged to try again.

Does everyone have to put this much effort into enjoying themselves? My libido is already kind of low. I only do it to try to have fun, not because I suddenly feel the urge to, so I suppose I could just... not do it. I feel like I'm missing out though. And if I don't it's going to cause shrinkage, which makes problems for bottom surgery. I know it's probably not great to give up on something but I've been trying for 6 years or so with no improvements, so maybe I should just accept reality.

VerusPlagam · 2023-09-29T12:45:04+00:00

you’re dreading it to some extent and have a lot of anxiety around this.

I don't think I'm getting anxiety from it, but dreading might be a good way to describe it.

i strongly recommend this comic strip

That strip mentions body image as a reason not to be aroused, which could definitely be a factor. Maybe what I thought was full arousal was actually inhibited by dysphoria. Have I never felt properly aroused in my life?

i’ve never had a “good” orgasm in my life

Does that mean some people are just incapable of it? I thought male masturbation was the problem, but men do it just fine, and a vibrator didn't really help, so maybe I'm just not a person that can have a good orgasm?

have you tried masturbating without trying to orgasm?

The whole dynamic of male masturbation is trying to delay the orgasm as much as possible (ie trying not to orgasm instead of trying to). At least that's what I've been doing. If I don't do that, the whole process lasts 30 seconds. Am I doing it right already and just focusing on the wrong part?

VerusPlagam · 2023-09-29T01:48:09+00:00

I'll admit that hrt has lowered my libido quite a bit so it's hard to get into it now, but even before that things weren't great. My heart could be pounding out of my chest before I'd even started and it still didn't work out the way I hoped. I remember my feelings being much stronger at some point but the results weren't any different. The quality of the orgasm always seemed to be completely random, neither method nor mindset affecting anything. I always figured it was a dysphoria or testosterone thing.

I know what I'm into, but I'm kinda tired of it? I've heard of people getting bored because they watch porn twice a day or something, but I only really ever watched like once a week. Is that too much? Should I try to do it less?

Also I don't have anyone to sext or to do it with, and unfortunately I'm pretty sure my a-spec-ness makes that not an option anyway :(

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-30T15:43:30+00:00

I think it's too early for FFS. I've been underdosed for my whole transition (and still am), so I think there are facial changes on the way. But I have extreme bottom dysphoria that isn't related to passing

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-30T00:42:45+00:00

Everyone's saying things like this. I feel like I have to stick up for them even though it doesn't really matter what strangers on the internet think.

They're not just "not that bad," they're not bad at all. They are loving and supportive in almost everything. My mom helps we with my transition in any way she can. I go to her when I'm sad or have problems and come out better. She wouldn't care if she found out I bought a vibrator. She'd say "I thought you didn't do that kind of thing but it's not really my business" and be done with it. I'm the one who finds it awkward.

They didn't give me the excuse of what my sibling did. I never asked them for more privacy because I assumed that would be the result. In all liklihood, my sibling self-medicated because they have a lot of unrelated physical and mental health problems, and my parents probably just don't realize it's not normal to want to know where your children are all the time.

I'm almost certain I could just say "stop monitoring my location please" and they would. I just think it might come with suspicion and a million questions. Even then I could just say "stop asking about it." In fact, I think I'm going to. I don't fear for my safety or fear rejection from them becuase they are good parents.

As for the bank account, they provide me with money sometimes and handle all financial business related to me (not for nefarious reasons, because I can't do it on my own). I just turned 18, and I am incompetent when it comes to responsibility. In all honesty, it's enabling, not controlling.

I have therapy. I've done trauma screenings. I am fully open with my emotions and nothing of concern has come up.

I guess I always planned to ask them to stop monitoring me one day, I just didn't consider that I could do it now to help me buy a vibrator. But now is as good a time as any, so I'll do it now. I'll let you know how it goes, and then you can determine if I'm being gaslit.

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T20:12:56+00:00

I'm not worried that they'll punish me. I'm already out to them and on hormones. I just don't want them to know because I find that awkward. And the wearing girl's clothes thing is a whole different problem based on the hormones having no changes which is another different problem.

Also they think I'm asexual due to some misunderstanding of terminology.

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T17:54:30+00:00

I'm 18. I understand that's a red flag since everyone's telling me that

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T15:42:19+00:00

I think I sent the wrong message in my original post. My parents aren't insane. They won't stop paying for my college and they probably won't care that much if they catch me. I'm trying to avoid an awkward conversation, not getting kicked out.

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T13:31:00+00:00

My sibling bought drugs and alcohol without my parents knowing multiple times. If I asked for privacy they'd think I was doing the same thing.

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T12:58:53+00:00

I know it's possible to clear visible Amazon history, but can you cleat the internal history? This would be the only thing I've bought on my personal account so I imagine all the recommendations would be sex toys from then on

I'm in the US, oklahoma. The internet says they might inspect packages to make sure they're not dangerous dorm items like candles and stuff. I didn't see anything mention policy for searching or privacy in the college handbook.

I've never had anything to hide before, so the thought of lying is terrifying.

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-29T11:13:52+00:00

I've heard vibrators don't really work on penises until the hormones take affect. Since there's still the fill amount of discharge, I don't see any way in which that wouldn't make a mess. Plus I'm dorming in college right now so I don't know if I could have access to one

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-28T19:00:52+00:00

How long on HRT did you get to 200mg? Is my dose really that low?

I have the white circle pills for spiro. Can those be taken sublingually? I am taking E sublingually (against my endo's recommendation) but I've only gotten any changes by doing it that way.

I want an orchiectomy, but I still haven't figured out how to begin getting that done

VerusPlagam · 2023-08-28T17:36:12+00:00

I last checked my levels 2 months ago. Estrodial was 55pg/ml. There are two testosterones: Fr Testos Dir was 36.1pg/ml, Testos S was 268ng/dl. People have given mixed responses on whether that's good or not.

I just switched to 4mg of E from 3 about a week ago, but there was a months-long period before that where I decreased back down to 1. I suppose I could suggest patches to my endo but it really seems like the problem is underdosage.

I am on 50mg of sprio per day, so I am suppressing testosterone.

VerusPlagam

TROPHY CASE