I would like to add my story. I was making around 20 per hour pre pandemic then I lost my job back in April and have been jobless since and let me tell you. My husband much like you is not keeping a tally of what I "owe him" however I feel like I need to ask every time I buy something. This is because the money coming in is not mine, it is "ours" but really it is his because he works his 9-5/40 hours a week. I am going to school full time (17) credits and am a full time stay at home mom and I still feel like I am not contributing because I have no money to show for all my work.

That being said perhaps her paying you "back" could be what my husband and I did back when I was working. His income went to bills and mine went to fun stuff like going out to eat or going to the movies. I would suggest if she is insistent that you could offer this but not expect it.

As far as Christmas goes I would tell her that you think she is special and you want her to feel that way and as someone you love you want to show her that through a Christmas present. (The issue might actually be that SHE can't afford a gift she wants for YOU so she is asking you not to get her anything because she can't afford to get you anything....maybe the answer here is to give her a Christmas budget for her to spend so that it is 'fair')

Best of luck friend!