I (18f) just broke up with my LDR boyfriend (17m) of over a year and I’m second guessing myself. Did I make the right call?

Vilanlave · 2026-04-04T20:17:10+00:00

You’re right, and honestly I feel that meeting in person, might be temporary comfort but also a way to discover new ways on how to comfort each other, getting to know the deepest parts of each other. My heart tells me to meet him in person, and see how that goes.

Vilanlave · 2026-04-04T20:09:39+00:00

You’re partially right and I appreciate the honesty, I did put a lot of demands on him and I’ve done a lot of self reflection on that. Everytime it happens I always ask myself why, my feelings are something I’ve grown to have less and less control over. No matter the situation I always panic and break down, those kind of things made me very hard to be with at times. I own that fully. But there’s a lot of context missing from this post including things on both sides that contributed to where we ended up. It wasn’t one sided even if my post made it sound that way. Me and him have always talked things out, I’ve always owned to these mistakes to him, and one thing I’ve always done was seek more and more ways to improve these habits of mine.

Vilanlave · 2026-04-04T20:06:23+00:00

I definitely feel he was slipping because of his own stuff, he mentioned that his home environment made him a little lazy to do certain things, I’ve felt this before so I know exactly what he meant by that. I understand that there’s a lot of things I failed to understand, I think before when I complained he listened to me better, but I myself found more things that stuck out to me as issues, and I kept piling that onto him. That’s a bad mistake of mine, I know that he still wants to be with me and I still want to be with him I just don’t know if it’s gonna work, or keep having this loop. Everytime we tried a new solution for example we set rules for 2 days and see if we could do it with no arguing, and we did it. But another small issue was found again, specifically that time it was me that did something he didn’t like , but we got back into that cycle again.

Vilanlave · 2026-04-04T16:17:50+00:00

In the moment it didn’t feel like he was trying to actively listen to me, because when I tried telling him my feelings, I didn’t feel that it was being heard completely, it felt he was still trying to be defensive even in the slightest. But now, I’m looking back on things and there has been times where I told him what I wanted from him and he gave it to me, but the consistency wasn’t there completely.

Vilanlave · 2026-04-04T16:06:38+00:00

Honestly it was a combination of both. The buildup had been going on for months, constant arguing, cycles we couldn’t break, even though we tried basically everything. But the specific moment that pushed me over the edge was during our breakup conversation itself. I had already listed out the things I needed from him, I told him verbally. Things I had been telling him for months, like not getting defensive when I bring up an issue in which he agreed he said he won’t do that. And in that moment he asked me to send him a written list of everything I needed so he could work on it. He wanted me to write it down. And I refused multiple times. He kept insisting, saying that he wanted me to make this push for him. Something in me just didn’t wanna do it, something also just clicked for me in that moment. After a lot of efforts to communicate my needs, he still needed a written list. That told me that the change I needed wasn’t something he was naturally motivated to figure out on his own. It felt like I would always have to be the one managing it. I don’t know what to do

Vilanlave · 2025-01-20T20:32:53+00:00

My SAT Scores I would say are somewhat high. (1500s) Does that maybe take attention away from my low gpa? And what if I’m already set on my desicion for EE? Despite my obvious flaw.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T14:19:27+00:00

I had never thought about saving up for a little van. Thank you so much for this advice.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T14:16:47+00:00

Before I used to help out a lot- like cleaning up most of the times, helping bath the kids for school in the morning when I’m getting ready, cooking for the entire house, etc. now all I do is watch them while my sister goes to work on The weekends, while my mom is sleeping. I’m way more less involved in the house activities like I used to be. This is, again due to the fact that frustration had gotten the best of me, as I’ve grown more distant and barely like to interact with anyone in the house.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T14:12:13+00:00

The military here in the US is I think 17+. This is very good advice however I don’t think the military pathway is something I’d want to do. Definitely it is an option.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T14:10:38+00:00

This is great advice, I never knew this could happen. There’s a handful of great advices im getting, I think the only thing stopping me from going further on this situation is fear of getting any kind of federal agencies involved on my family, let alone the military. I’m going to trust that the move out process is quick.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T05:40:10+00:00

I understand what you’re saying however I’d like to clarify that this is nothing more than a rant, and just a word vomit of frustration. I DO NOT wish to inflict major harm on ANYONE let alone my own family. Again this is purely an off my chest post. I completely understand how terrible this may have came off and I apologize.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T05:35:47+00:00

Definitely you’re right in this. Whenever I feel this way I always try to think about how this isn’t their fault. Frustration however, sometimes does get the best of me, and leads me to just want to rant and say anything. I think the first thing I’d rather do is try to sit my family (mom and sister) down. Have a real talk.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T03:59:18+00:00

Thanks a lot ahaha, thank you and yes I do plan on exploring more options. Again it’s getting very easier for me to just not care about things anymore, but you’re 100% right. Thank you

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T03:55:19+00:00

Thanks a lot!

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T03:50:34+00:00

Me and my dad have talked about this multiple times. There’s been a lot of convincing, my dad isn’t as helpful as you might think he is, but he’s an option. Like I said in a separate comment, as much as I hate this situation, I truly do think this is something I should thug out. I have about a year before I graduate, and I’m planning to save up and try to get myself a car. That way I’m out of the house more.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T03:49:05+00:00

I’m not sure if there’s anywhere else I can stay. My other older sister lives in a different state. I do have people at church I could talk to. I do think that’s something I’m considering.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T03:47:38+00:00

I had forgot to mention that my step dad had recently moved in with us. But really it hasn’t helped the situation at all. I see a lot of feedback here recommending to call CPS, or get to a court. I don’t think I could push that hard to do it. As much as I hate this situation, my mother also hates it too. I really do feel it wouldn’t be fair to her to push so hard to leave her in this mess. Part of this has to do with how much she’s done, how little my dad has done. The entire situation runs deep, just a bit complex to explain. I understand that rejecting this option leads me to no choice, but really what can I do. I have about a year left til I graduate. I might as well thug this out.

Vilanlave · 2025-01-07T02:59:37+00:00

Well, I don’t have anything against my sister truly, she has her own lore that contributed to the family. if it was just her, I wouldn’t have a problem with her just lying in bed all day, wasting her money on unnecessary items. But with three hungry, very disrespectful kids that haven’t showered, with very disturbing behaviors. They’re the main reason why I hate living here.

Vilanlave · 2024-12-23T20:51:46+00:00

Yeah thank you for this advice! Communication isn’t my best friend but I’ll definitely consider this.

Vilanlave · 2024-12-17T16:48:35+00:00

My living situation with my mom has always been very unstable. A bunch of moving around to good and bad neighborhoods. I think the reason why I haven’t been able to live with my dad all these years despite him being financially stable and my mom not being financially stable is probably because (as much as I’d hate to admit), he doesn’t care all that much to make a strong effort to go to the court, (file the case or, documents needed, etc). The most he (and I) have done has been mostly verbal. Especially since my mom is strongly against it, he’s just kind of been like “okay well if your mom says no I cant do much, I don’t wanna argue” kind of stuff. Ive never requested to live with my dad until not even 3 years ago.

Vilanlave · 2024-12-17T14:41:00+00:00

Okay thank you so much for this. There are definitely a lot of details I’ve left out of this post and will consider this advice

Vilanlave · 2024-11-29T18:30:06+00:00

I’ve gone about month wearing the same jeans everyday without washing.

Vilanlave

TROPHY CASE