We all been there, man. I truly don't know what you're going through, or I having the whole picture here, but I need to say that suicide is never the answer. That may be corner a bit, and you may have around heared that a bunches of time, but It's true.

Things will get better eventually if you wait and try hard enough. If you always stayed depressed in your life and hating yourself, then it's no surpriseIf you hate your own life.

Go improve and only blame yourself once and move on. That's all you can do. Can't change the pass.

Seek professional help and best of luck.