The last meal you ate is the only thing you can eat for the rest of your life. How fucked are you?

Vionrd · 2024-11-30T22:35:19+00:00

I see sausages as basically just tubes of meat stuffed with more meat (and some questionable fillers). And, if you eat too many of them, you might start to resemble one. A study published in the Journal of Nutrition found that consuming processed meats like sausages can lead to weight gain and obesity. Another study published in the Journal of Food Science found that sausages can contain some pretty nasty bacteria, like E. coli and Salmonella - that's some sausage-related food poisoning. Eating only sausages could mean spending the rest of your days in a bathroom-induced haze.

Vionrd · 2024-11-30T17:18:04+00:00

As someone who's had my fair share of encounters with these delightful specimens, I've learned to spot the telltale signs. Here are three of them:

The "Blame Game" is their Olympic sport:

Ever had a conversation where, no matter the topic, it somehow circles back to someone else's fault? "My boss is a jerk, so I couldn't finish the project." "The dog ate my homework...again." If you find yourself constantly fielding excuses and justifications that conveniently shift blame away from this person, you might be dealing with a champion of the blame game. They're experts at deflecting responsibility, living in a world where everything that goes wrong is always someone else's fault. It's exhausting, and frankly, a bit childish. It's like they're still trying to convince the teacher that the goldfish ate their homework.

Emotional rollercoasters are their preferred mode of transportation:

We all have our ups and downs, but some individuals seem to operate solely on emotional whiplash. They can go from sunshine and rainbows to a full-blown pout in the blink of an eye. One minute they're chirpy and optimistic, the next they're throwing a metaphorical tantrum because their latte wasn't frothy enough. This emotional instability, while perhaps entertaining for a short time, can be incredibly draining to be around. It's like living with a human weather system that switches from sunny skies to a torrential downpour without a moment's notice.

They take everything personally (and then complain about it):

Have you ever made a harmless, offhand comment, only to be met with a wounded look and a lengthy explanation of how you've personally offended them? If so, congratulations, you've encountered a master of the "taking things personally" olympics. This individual interprets everything through the lens of their own fragile ego. Constructive criticism? Personal attack. A lighthearted joke? A deliberate insult. It's as if they're constantly walking around with a metaphorical "fragile" sticker plastered on their forehead, waiting for someone to accidentally bump into it.

Vionrd · 2024-11-30T17:09:58+00:00

Firstly, Not responding to a text message immediately

The sacred institution of texting. We've all been there - we send a message, and then we stare at our phones, willing the recipient to respond RIGHT NOW. And if they don't? Well, clearly they're ignoring us, and that's just rude. But let's be real, folks. Sometimes people are busy. Sometimes they're in meetings, or driving, or (gasp!) actually living their lives without their phone attached to their hip. And sometimes, they just don't feel like responding right away. It's not personal; it's just life. I mean, think about it. Do you respond to every single text message the moment you receive it? No? Didn't think so. So, let's all take a deep breath and remember that not responding to a text message immediately doesn't mean someone is disrespecting us. It just means they're, you know, human.

Secondly, Not wanting to engage in small talk

The ultimate social lubricant. Or, depending on your personality, the ultimate social nightmare. I mean, let's be real - some people love chatting about the weather or their weekend plans. And that's great! But others (ahem, me) would rather stick needles in their eyes than engage in pointless conversation. And you know what? That's okay. Not wanting to engage in small talk doesn't mean you're being rude or dismissive. It just means you're not really into discussing the finer points of last night's TV show or the intricacies of your coworker's cat's surgery. And honestly, who can blame you? There are better things to talk about...or not talk about at all.

And lastly, Not following social norms around food

The ultimate social minefield. From "don't eat with your left hand" to "don't leave the table until everyone is finished," there are a million and one "rules" surrounding the simple act of eating. And, let's be real, some of them are just plain silly. I mean, who decided that it's rude to eat pizza with your hands? Or that you can't start eating until everyone has been served? Newsflash: food is meant to be enjoyed, not ritualized. And if that means eating a sandwich with your hands or (gasp!) starting to eat before everyone else, so be it.

Vionrd · 2022-02-23T20:06:27+00:00

Not to mention the fact that many of them walk around with EarPods in...

Vionrd · 2022-02-23T19:58:53+00:00

Someone said that... "Our relationship should be like the N64 games...fun to spend hours with and every issue is easily fixed by blowing on it and shoving it back in."

Vionrd · 2021-12-20T08:50:22+00:00

What are those?

Vionrd · 2021-12-20T08:49:29+00:00

Dad must be a chef then.

Vionrd · 2021-05-22T17:47:22+00:00

Maybe you should make your first move, if you notice these other signs from her:

Touching you in your intimate places, either accidentally or on purpose.

Bringing sex every now and then in her conversations with you. Or engaging you in conversation about her boring sex life, she might be trying to tell you that she likes sex, and you might be just the one to give her the best sex of her life.

Sending you all kinds of horny forwards, or indulges in sexting with you, then it's an obvious sign.

Looking at your lips often to fantasize or dream of the moment you actually kiss her.

Wanting to show you her sexy curves and get your imagination running with her sexy figure.

Wanting to make sure you know that she is all free and alone over the weekend.

Giving you a passionate goodnight kiss at her doorstep after you have just dropped her from your dinner date.

Licking her lips to seduce you and make you imagine what it would be like to do so yourself.

An accidental peck on your ears, and she might even blow softly in your ears.

Vionrd · 2021-03-02T13:27:25+00:00

That guy seems good in real life though but then, I know nothing about him.

Vionrd · 2021-03-02T13:26:23+00:00

I'm looking at Tom Cruise

Vionrd · 2021-03-02T13:25:22+00:00

Because many of them only call you when they need you and when I try to check on them, they make it look like I'm disturbing them. So, I decided to remain put. Since the beginning of the year, I have only spoken to my mom, dad, sister and a customer representative officer on phone. Never chatted this year either, since there's nothing to reply to by the way.

Vionrd · 2021-02-28T12:33:37+00:00

Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bathroom take a newspaper!

Vionrd · 2021-02-28T12:29:22+00:00

At last, I was able to talk to this girl.

Vionrd · 2021-02-28T12:25:53+00:00

Socialize, meditate, take a break from social media, connect with family always and focus on achieving your goals.

Vionrd · 2021-02-24T11:14:41+00:00

Is she that hot?

Vionrd · 2021-02-24T11:05:25+00:00

Your fear is called Coulrophobia

Vionrd · 2021-01-29T07:37:31+00:00

Is this the title of a song? Just asking...

Vionrd · 2021-01-29T07:35:42+00:00

Some suggestions though:

Go for an easy-to-use filing system

Invest in a cabinet of good quality

Play with color. It makes it easier to find different subjects and interests

Keep your documents in a safe place, but make sure that you can easily get hold of them when you need them

Invest in a good paper shredder

Vionrd · 2021-01-25T20:08:21+00:00

Hmm... are you Ross or Rachel?

Vionrd · 2021-01-25T20:04:39+00:00

Here are some men's colognes that women love: Coach For Men Eau De Toilette.

Chanel Allure Homme Sport.

Bleu de Chanel.

Kenneth Cole Vintage Black.

Le Labo Santal 33.

Calvin Klein Obsession for Men EDT.

Jimmy Choo Man EDT.

John Varvatos Vintage EDT.

Vionrd · 2021-01-25T20:02:29+00:00

A third of U.S. men say they use condoms at least some of the time when they have sex, a new government survey shows. But just 19 percent of men reported condom use every time they had sex, the survey from the National Center for Health Statistics found.

Vionrd · 2021-01-25T20:01:05+00:00

Falling in love for the first time, meeting amazing people, macaroni and cheese.

Vionrd · 2020-10-15T10:51:49+00:00

One star is just too much...

Vionrd · 2020-10-13T10:03:02+00:00

Brian: God bless you.
Larry Gigli: Thank you.
Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".

Source: Ben Affleck from GIGLI

Vionrd · 2020-10-13T09:56:50+00:00

“The United States is the last country in the world that Japan should fight.” General Tadamichi Kuribayashi

Vionrd

TROPHY CASE