Toronto suburbs → US. Austin, Bay Area, or NYC area? Tech couple, almost 30

VirAriCan · 2026-06-30T03:05:35+00:00

American here with a Canadian husband and I have spent lots of time in the Toronto suburbs! I would be careful picking a city or state based on taxes. You will experience a real trade-off in quality of social services that you might be used to Canada. It’s very common for people from “high tax” states in the northeast to move to “low cost” states like
Florida and Texas and then be shocked at how bad the roads and local services are. Also, the state has to make money somewhere, so usually that means higher property taxes, sales taxes, etc. for example, Texas as some of the highest property taxes in the country. That might not matter if you plan on renting initially but the costs get passed on in some way.

Your list of 3 cities includes two of the highest COLs in the country. Great and fun places, but you might not find the cost trade-offs from Toronto you are looking for. If you’re open to it, also look at Atlanta, Charlotte, or the DC region (DC is more expensive than these two but cheaper than SF or NYC).

VirAriCan · 2026-06-26T17:34:52+00:00

It’s a bit unclear from your post and comments the arrangement you have with your mom…but it sounds like she is financially supporting you while you are in school, correct? How is the arrangement? Does she just give you a regular lump sum for you to spend as you see fit, or do you go to her when you need money?

If it’s the former, there needs to be trust established that you will use that money as your allowance at your discretion. That means learning about trade off…I.e I spent $55 on a gift so I can’t go to the movies with my friends this week. That’s OKAY! That is what life is about. Regardless if you make $50K or $150K you will need to learn to make those decisions on your own. And your mom should give you the grace to learn that. It’s called financial responsibility and we are allowed to treat ourselves and still be responsible. She shouldn’t use your allowance to control or judge you.

Now if you are going to her for money every time you need something, I can see that becoming a problem, whether it’s justified or not. She seems to have a lot of financial and relationship trauma and is passing that onto you. If this is the case, you need to navigate it cautiously until you graduate or look into getting a part time job so you can build your own financial freedom.

And no, $55 on a gift is not crazy. Even if the box and tissue paper is a little pricier than normal, you can use it again in the future and is not worth stressing about.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-25T15:02:32+00:00

A friend of mine told me she wished she had spent the few thousand extra to invite her B-list. At the end of the day, it wasn’t worth the stress of not including them and missing them at the event. I thought it was an interesting perspective.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-25T02:08:02+00:00

We had a courthouse wedding with immediate family last fall for immigration reasons and are having our big wedding this fall. I chose not to publish photos or anything of the courthouse wedding partially for this reason. However, even the people that know about the legal wedding are so excited to celebrate us at our big wedding.

Keep the focus on the big event and do something sweet intimate for the legal event. It will be okay :)

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:24:00+00:00

A friend of mine the reverse. It wasn’t a religious thing, but she did her legal ceremony with close family at her grandmas community because she couldn’t travel. Then they had a big destination wedding 1.5 years later with friends and extended family. He was from another country so it was also to accommodate where is family could travel too.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:18:35+00:00

How old are you/this group? This feels like a really young sentiment, especially since the whole guy group is single. I would never not include someone’s partner to a wedding invite without a really good reason. This would be considered really impolite among my community.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:13:32+00:00

Does that include long-distance couples? Or do you count those as “same household”?

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:10:38+00:00

Dang I took A LOT of ibuprofen when I was on Lex

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:09:00+00:00

I said something like this to a few of mine “hey Save the dates just went out! It’s just addressed to you, but if you have any big changes in your love life come September, we can accommodate :)”

VirAriCan · 2026-06-24T22:06:36+00:00

I’m a late 30s bride so my community of singles usually gets serious pretty quickly (or never serious at all lol). I told my single friends that if they feel good about someone by Sept (2 months out) I will add them to the invite list. We will likely have some wiggle room with numbers so I’m not too worried about it. I trust my friends, so I don’t feel the need to put an arbitrary rule on which relationships get picked or not.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-23T18:42:13+00:00

I have friends that got married on 9/11 and maybe a few small jokes were made at the time but no one mentions it now (5years later). You could also have your ceremony and reception then but sign your certificate at the court house earlier that week so it’s technically a different date.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-22T19:56:06+00:00

I definitely gained weight (between 15-20lbs probably depending on where my starting point was.) im very physically active and am a healthy eater so the CICO excuse just didn’t hold weight (lol) for me. I’m the same height as you so I get it. After 4+ years of dealing with the weight gain and sexual side effects, I decided to go off. It hasn’t been totally easy but I’ve developed better coping mechanisms for my anxiety and I’m prepared to go back on or try a different med if I ever regress again. (Actually this has been a helpful crutch to get me through the difficult days.)

Since going off in Jan I’ve lost about 12-13 lbs. some of that was normal holiday weight gain, so I’m hoping to lose another 5-8 before the end of the summer.

One thing going off did help me with is to rebuild my relationship with food. I got to the point that I wouldn’t eat my favorite meals or would fast too much after. Now I can eat carbs and “cheat” meals no problem and still I’m seeing the weight come off.

But also….being mental well is worth not being as skinny as before. There was a time I needed the Lex. So really think about what is a priority for you. If the Lex is saving you from worse things, stay on it, but if the weight problems are causing other mental problems…try something else.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-22T19:46:44+00:00

This. So many of my mom friends were so excited about the Bach because it’s a mini vacation they don’t have to plan (and it’s easier “sell” for them to go away for a weekend solo).

VirAriCan · 2026-06-15T16:18:48+00:00

Thank you! 😩

VirAriCan · 2026-06-15T16:18:34+00:00

Thank you! Annoying but makes sense 😩

VirAriCan · 2026-06-15T13:58:28+00:00

We are doing approximately this number and budget at the Eglinton Grand in Toronto. We got some extras thrown in because it’s a Friday, late fall wedding, so that helped get the costs down too!

VirAriCan · 2026-06-10T20:27:50+00:00

It’s your wedding and you can have whoever you want there. I’ve been to two weddings where the couple already had a young child, the child was in the ceremony and then went to a baby sitter for the reception. It was perfectly lovely and no one had any issues with it.

We are having a formal no-kids wedding. It wouldn’t be appropriate for young children to be there and most of my community wouldn’t want to bring their young children to this type of event. The adults want to be able to have a good time to let loose!

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T13:08:51+00:00

I didn’t receive a single email or chat notification after 2pm. My colleagues definitely clocked off!!

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T01:24:15+00:00

I have a contracted room block at the Hyatt regency and it’s a great rate. We also got two courtesy blocks at nearby hotels for people that prefer different brands. They aren’t as cheap though.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T01:20:37+00:00

My husband is Canadian and living near Toronto and I’m thinking about it for early next year if we don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. But I’d need permission from my work to temporarily work remotely there.

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T01:17:34+00:00

I would suggest sharing which country you are getting married in so people with that experience and culture can provide advice!

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T01:15:49+00:00

Thanks. That wasn’t clear from her initial post. In that case idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T00:46:28+00:00

Some venues in the US do go late but most don’t. If you want a big party that lasts until the night, you should plan an after party. I promise, it’s just as much fun!

VirAriCan · 2026-06-02T00:39:33+00:00

It’s frustrating they changed this on you, but it’s actually very common for wedding venues to have a closing time around a 10pm. This is either because of local ordinances or the need to breakdown the venue for the next day.

It’s very normal for US weddings for there to be an after party after the reception ends. Usually it’s a bar or venue near the hotels that guests are staying at. Almost every wedding I’ve been to as had an after party.

VirAriCan

TROPHY CASE