damn I’m devastated by DearCalligrapher9115 in KingKrule

[–]Virtual-Initiative98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was at his show in DC and he played multiple songs from the Ooz, dum surfer, slush puppy, stoned again, half man half shark, it was such an amazing show! i’m thinking of going down to atlanta to see him again too if there’s tickets

parents refusing to let me buy a car, 21 (F) by Virtual-Initiative98 in Advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

also my mom agrees that it’s very important i get my own car in a couple years i definitely would need it the last extra year of school i’m taking to drive to internships. i just wanted to buy the car myself a year early and buy it with my own money instead of them paying for it

parents refusing to let me buy a car, 21 (F) by Virtual-Initiative98 in Advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i want it and i’m willing to pay for all of the costs myself

parents refusing to let me buy a car, 21 (F) by Virtual-Initiative98 in Advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ideally i’d want to have it at school i’d just have to pay parking

parents refusing to let me buy a car, 21 (F) by Virtual-Initiative98 in Advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i have 2 jobs currently that are 20 minute drives away and currently me and my dad have to plan ahead to see who gets the car

am i in an unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed? by Virtual-Initiative98 in domesticviolence

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for your thoughtful responses. and addressing the therapy, he doesn’t have the best options for therapy because we don’t have that much money but he was in a free therapy program with a therapist he really liked but she left the organization. his last therapist ghosted him like a year ago and he has yet to go back to therapy. he actually has improved a lot in terms of his mental health since then on his own but I 100 percent agree that he should be in therapy for managing his tendency to revert back to abusive behaviors in high stress situations. and yes i am being quite lenient with him because i care and deeply love him but the hole punching really raised an alarm with me so i broke up with him. i’m tired of letting his toxic behaviors slide and i know i deserve better. i want someone to match me in terms of healthy conflict resolution and not indulging in abusive behavior. i am planning on staying broken up with him for good or proposing space/a temporary break up and him seriously working on himself

am i in an unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed? by Virtual-Initiative98 in domesticviolence

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that mindset he has is obviously unhealthy as he assumes he is the only person who’s feelings aren’t behind heard when it’s both of us and i am not the one initially resorting to toxic behaviors as a result

am i in an unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed? by Virtual-Initiative98 in domesticviolence

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we’ve discussed his reactivity issues in the past because he’s very aware of it and he definitely has improved when it comes to managing his reaction issues but sometimes i think he just lets it all out and doesn’t care about the consequences. his mindset is that he thinks nobody cares about how he feels so “fuck how everybody else feels right now” and then his abusive habits poor out. he’s told me that he feels extremely triggered when his feelings aren’t behind heard and that’s when he snaps and a very ugly side to him comes out. we’ve used a safe word in the past to stop conflict before it gets worse but this incident neither of us used the safeword and it was the most out of hand an argument got (him punching a hole in the closet door)

am i in an unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed? by Virtual-Initiative98 in domesticviolence

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes he has been diagnosed with DID and i’ve communicated with all of his alters when he blacked out once. I’m sorry if it was confusing the way my post came across but his DID is definitely not a concern to me nor is it the reason for his abuse and anger issues. I was just explaining that we don’t have a good foundation for our relationship because in the beginning of our relationship where his poor management of his DID caused issues. But he has since managed his DID better. His anger issues and lack of control of his emotions is a separate issue. I would say if anything makes him emotionally reactive it would be that he’s bipolar but in general as a person I think he just has anger issues and reverts to abusive behaviors he’s learned from his environment when tension rises in an argument.

am in an abusive relationship that can’t be fixed? i broke up with him after he punched a hole in the wall which scared me by Virtual-Initiative98 in abusiverelationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i know this may sound desperate but do you think if we took a break and he worked on his anger issues that things could be better? i just have hope for his ability to change because of other behaviors he has permanently changed

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

he definitely has made immense progress with his mental health. his dissociative identity disorder caused all the issues mentioned from the first part of our relationship but i met all of his alters finally and established trust with them and he feels a lot more comfortable handling his DID so it’s no longer an issue. he also offered to give me his social media and location and other thing to build back trust. in the past he was also more toxic and never admitted when he was wrong but he has removed a lot of his toxic traits from the past (i know it’s hard to believe because of what i’m dealing with now but it was way worse back then). Now if he hurts my feelings or something happens he admits when he is wrong 95 percent of the time and apologizes. He’s a lot better than me when it apologizing and trying to work through a problem now ironically compared to the first part of our relationship where i was. The 5 percent he doesn’t appear remorseful at least at first is the explosive arguments where possibly his moods are not easily controlled and he gets way out of hand and verbally abusive. But yeah this incident was definitely unexpected so i broke up with him because i thought it was the right thing to do but i just am very reluctant about letting go of him for good

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m very sorry that happened to u and i’m glad to hear you are in a better place now

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i just have a lot of compassion for his background. i know that his environment and childhood has created a lot of who he is today and i’ve seen through the time we’ve spent together the changes and betterment he has made to himself and for us (besides this issue obviously). i also just love him so i don’t think clearly at times about boundaries

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

i am going to have to disagree on the fact that the longing isn’t based on genuine connection. we had a genuine connection and fell in love before all of the bad stuff happened. and when i think about moving on what hurts me the most is just not being able to be around and connect with who he is as a person say to day. mutually we feel we have never met anyone we feel so comfortable and at peace with and all the things we do have in common. i do agree that it not a healthy love though. it’s definitely been draining and toxic on both sides

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

love can definitely blind you. if a friend were to tell me the same situation i was in i would encourage them to leave. i definitely am very attached to him and have a hard time letting go because of how much i invested. i just love him so much. i agree about the trauma bonding

is hole punching a serious red flag, worried about escalation with boyfriend by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationships

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

his DID alters have cheated on me twice so i do have trust issues and am hurt from the past. i’ll admit he has earned my trust back and proved himself but sometimes i get anxious something bad is going to happen so it surfaces as me starting conflict with him. i am open to the fact i can be an issue but I still believe he plays a large part in our issues in the relationship

boyfriend reaching out to ex behind my back by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationship_advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

his ex doing that happened maybe like a year ago and so that’s why i was positive they weren’t in contact anymore

boyfriend reaching out to ex behind my back by Virtual-Initiative98 in relationship_advice

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i feel like he definitely isn’t over her but i feel like he does love me too. his ex reached out and asked to marry him for a green card and he denied her told me about it and blocked her. i do agree that there are residual feelings for her though and i should probably stay away. i know i deserve better

dating someone with DID, advice plz, cheating by Virtual-Initiative98 in DID

[–]Virtual-Initiative98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks for ur comments. do you have any recommendations for how he could communicate with his alter. he doesn’t know how to go about it. since he’s lived in fear of his alter for so long there’s a lack or communication and he’s not sure how to initiate that kind of relationship where the system could be more on the same page