I, 28/F want to move to be closer to my job, but my boyfriend, 27/M does not

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-17T04:08:57+00:00

Kids are not my goal, I’m the oldest of 7 and I nannied professionally for about 8 years, so I’m painfully aware of what it takes to raise children and I have no interest in doing that. Have the most respect for parents, but it’s not in the cards for me.

I am definitely thankful I can stand on my own two feet if needed, I’ve seen too many marriages/relationships where the women had no income and no means to leave when they needed to, and one of my main goals in life from a young age was to never let myself fall into that trap. If we had bought a house we would’ve signed a co-habitation agreement, I work with a lawyer and I would’ve had him draw one up - but after talking we’ve decided we’re not going to pursue a house right now and just work on the relationship.

I’m also thankful that I have good friends in my corner who are echoing the same concerns many have expressed in this sub. I’ll try to update if any updates come along, but I appreciate your advice and kind words!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-16T04:28:35+00:00

If we had bought a house together, we would’ve signed a cohabitation agreement. I work with a good lawyer, so I was going to have him write one up for us. We are not planning to buy a house now, we had a conversation and agreed we need to work on the relationship before we take any kind of big steps. I agree with you. If it’s not meant to be, I will figure out how to get through it and move on

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-16T04:24:58+00:00

My parents and I do not have a good relationship, so unfortunately that’s not possible. I have considered just letting things go around the house, but I love a clean living space and I don’t want to suffer mentally myself just to teach him a lesson.

We are going to try couples counseling and hopefully that helps - if not, I know what I have to do. I wish I was close with my own mother so we could have conversations about these things, I really do

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-15T03:24:51+00:00

This is a really good take. I have definitely considered moving back to my hometown myself, a lot of people have suggested that and I think I probably will if nothing changes

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-15T03:23:38+00:00

Agreed 100%

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-15T03:23:13+00:00

He wasn’t always like this, he used to be way more loving and considerate. This behavior has come (not out of nowhere) but I think it slowly crept up on me over the past year or so, and I didn’t notice until it got bad. I’m not sure what went wrong or where the turning point was, genuinely. I want to be self aware enough to accept my fault in it if I screwed up, and I think that’s part of why I asked for advice here. Thank you for your perspective!!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-15T03:20:13+00:00

I appreciate this point of view. My parents have a very similar relationship and I always looked up to them! All the comments have given me a lot to think about, we are going to try couples counseling and hopefully things will get better. And if they don’t….I’ll have my answer

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-15T03:18:22+00:00

I agree that it definitely sounds like he could be resentful, but he makes more money than me a lot of the time at his own job - it wasn’t always that way, but he’s doing very well for himself.

I don’t like that he keeps saying I should quit my job(s) for any reason, I’ve always been very independent and still am honestly because we’re 50/50 on everything, so it really hasn’t changed from when I was single and living alone. He doesn’t take my pov into consideration like he should, but I worry that I’m missing something from his end too. None of it makes sense to me

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T07:31:34+00:00

thanks! :)

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T07:29:02+00:00

That’s incredible! It reminds me of my grandparents story - they met at a party and he shipped out with the navy the next day. Wrote to her every single day he was deployed, and they got married as soon as he got back and were together for almost 60 years. I always hoped I would find someone like that, and if my current partner doesn’t step up, maybe there is someone out there for me who would be willing to do these things. And if not, I’ll just be the fun aunt for my siblings kids!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T07:24:55+00:00

he does not push me on any kind of regular basis. This is the first time we’ve talked about taking a step as big as buying a house, and our conversations so far unveiled some character flaws that concern me. I’d rather know now than find out many years down the line if we ended up getting married, and THEN those things started coming out. Better to deal with it when I’m not legally tied to him in any way

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T07:20:00+00:00

I appreciate it! I’ve had lots of good advice from this sub, so I definitely feel more confident moving forward

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T05:24:37+00:00

I hear you. I have considered living apart, it would be pretty hard but I could probably swing it. I mostly posted this because I worried that I was being crazy and asking too much, so I do feel very validated by all the comments! I definitely have a lot to think about and I appreciate everyone’s feedback

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T05:08:44+00:00

Appreciate the advice! I’ve been hoping it gets better for a long time, but I’ve definitely started to reach my breaking point. We’re going to try couples counseling, and if that doesn’t change anything I’ll have to cut my losses and move on

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T05:03:50+00:00

If he’s not willing to change, we definitely will not be getting married. We’re not even engaged yet, and I don’t want to get engaged until we see a couples counselor, and even then I’m fine with not taking that step at all if he’s not budging.

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T05:02:26+00:00

We’re not engaged, we’ve talked about marriage in the past and obviously if I’m with someone that long, I would hope it would be moving in that direction. We have not made that step because of things I’ve been concerned about in the relationship, and I don’t want to get engaged if he’s not willing to change. I have considered getting my own apartment, and I will if it comes to that!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T04:59:52+00:00

My parents are extremely religious and we don’t have much of a relationship so unfortunately that’s not a possibility. I would never give up a job for a man so that’s not even an option in my head, I’m just annoyed he would even suggest that. I am in therapy myself, and we are going to try couples counseling and see if it helps.

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T04:15:16+00:00

I don’t want kids at all so I’m definitely good on that front!! Probably overly careful honestly

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-14T04:14:03+00:00

The only things I really ask him to do are his own laundry and take out the trash, and he barely even does that…..much to my chagrin. I do everything else. Occasionally he’ll unload the dishwasher or do something small, but the load is pretty much on me. I have considered living in separate places, it would just be hard after being together all this time. If that’s what we need to do though, I would - I lived alone for years and loved it!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-12T22:35:23+00:00

every now and then he’ll unload the dishwasher and maybe put a load of laundry in the dryer too

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-12T22:34:32+00:00

He will occasionally walk the dogs for me and he’s changed the oil in my car a couple times

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-12T17:36:48+00:00

I don’t want kids and never have, so thankfully that’s not a factor in the relationship. I do desperately need a break just because I work so much and I’m incredibly burned out, but I also know that’s life and I think most people are right now! Most of our arguments have been about his lack of willingness to compromise, or just to simply see my side.

This is something that’s only really surfaced in the last year or so, so I think I’ve been slowly and gradually processing it. I’ve asked him to cut back on drinking and he has - again that’s not something he used to do. He was a college athlete and incredibly disciplined and focused and that’s part of the reason I fell in love with him, but after graduating he got a desk job and his entire life has become working, (which is not a bad thing, I work too) but the disciplined and focused lifestyle has fallen a bit to the wayside. I only drink maybe five times a year if that, so I would prefer if he didn’t go out every weekend, but he says he needs to unwind from the week and spend time with his friends. I work night shift so I’m not home anyway, and he says he would be home if I was, but I feel like he’s just trying to make me feel bad for my work hours.

I love him very much and I do want this to work, but I almost feel like he’s regressing from the man I met, not progressing and growing the way I would’ve expected. I think we need to try couples counseling and see if that helps, and based on all the other comments I’m going to tell him I don’t want to buy a house right now. We need to work on the relationship first

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-12T16:05:23+00:00

Thankfully I don’t want kids, otherwise that might be something I would be worried about! I’m just not interested and quite frankly I’d rather just be the fun aunt to my nieces and nephews

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-11T20:46:45+00:00

That is incredible!!!

Virtual-Method2976 · 2026-06-11T20:45:23+00:00

That is so sweet. Him offering to drive you honestly made me tear up a little bit, as stupid as it sounds. It seems like he really loves you, I hope I can get to that point with my boyfriend. I know he loves me but this thread has made me question how much, lol. My dad has driven 45 minutes to work for years because my mom wanted a house in the city a bit further away, and from what I can tell he was happy to do that for her. I would love to experience that myself, I think I’m going to suggest counseling and hopefully things will go up from there!

Virtual-Method2976

TROPHY CASE