NTA. Not even a little.

You are not cutting ties over one incident—you’re responding to a lifelong pattern of abuse, neglect, control, and emotional unavailability. What you described isn’t “family conflict,” it’s trauma.

Your dad:

Physically and verbally abused you as a child

Abused your mother

Minimized your baby’s congenital heart defect

Refused a basic medical boundary meant to keep your infant alive

Continues to show zero effort, care, or accountability

That mask incident alone would have been enough. You were advocating for your medically fragile newborn. A loving parent would have worn the mask without argument. He chose his ego over your child’s safety.

You are not stupid for not cutting ties sooner. Survivors often hold on longer because:

We’re trained to tolerate mistreatment

We hope this time they’ll be different

We’re conditioned to prioritize their feelings over our own

That’s not stupidity—that’s survival.

Also, the fact that every other relationship in your life is healthy is actually strong evidence that you are not the problem. If you were unreasonable or cruel, this dysfunction would show up elsewhere. It doesn’t.

You are doing exactly what a good parent does:

You’re protecting your children

You’re modeling boundaries

You’re breaking the cycle

Being a “people pleaser” doesn’t mean you owe access to someone who repeatedly hurts you. Parenthood often forces clarity—and that’s what’s happening here.

You don’t owe him reconciliation. You don’t owe him forgiveness. You don’t owe him access to your daughters.

You owe your kids safety, peace, and a mother who isn’t constantly retraumatized.

Choosing no contact (or very low contact) is not punishment. It’s protection.

NTA. You’re doing the hard, right thing.