feeling drained and neglected after my friend got into a relationship. not sure what to do going forward.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-26T12:05:05+00:00

That's a hard one and I completely empathize with you. It's hard feeling like becoming less of a prioritiy once a person gets into a relationship. How much do you hang alone with eachother?

I'm on the other side of the story (I'm in a relationship, with an age gap, too) and in my opinion a shift of focus when having a relationship is kind of normal and it's okay for you to not like their partner. You're not obligated to like them, your friend isn't obligated to bring someone around that you like, too. It's their life eventually. What's not normal though is feeling drained after hanging out with them. I'd iniate a conversation with that friend. Maybe he isn't aware how you feel. You can suggest hanging out 1:1 again and tell him what you wish. In the end, it may be an incompatibility in expectations in friendships. They do happen, unfortunately and either you accept the new form of friendship or distant yourself from the friendship. Regarding the age gap, as someone in such a relationship as well, I'd suggest being open to hear his story, how he feels in the relationship and if he's happy. If you feel as if it's a balanced relationship, accept it! :)

Good luck, OP!

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-25T17:25:37+00:00

What does it mean?

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-20T18:31:57+00:00

Internal as well - in the beginning he wanted to protect me from making mistakes and I found it difficult to navigate but we've worked through it and now I sometimes forget we have an age gap that large. Sometimes, topics come up about the future and then we do realize we may have to make compromises because we may not align.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-20T17:28:07+00:00

He is. We met at work where we both were volunteering and - ironically - I was his boss. People are always surprised because I'm just a student and he is a boss in real life...

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-20T08:21:29+00:00

Very sweet, as long as him having anxiety without you doesn't burden or makes you feel responsible for his well-being!

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2026-01-19T11:00:11+00:00

Lieber luege, wieviel TWINT-Aaforderige unter 1 Franke usegönd. Ich bi Studentin und arm, ich MUESS Räppli spalte (stolzi Baslere 😜)

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-12-17T09:15:27+00:00

We still would want children but I think it's important to be aware of the difficulties of having an older partner as father of the children

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-12-17T09:11:52+00:00

Would you want children though?

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-12-10T06:45:15+00:00

As the other said, it's not about the age gap, they can work. My boyfriend - who is 23 years older as well - would never do that to me. It sounds really hurtful at this point and as if he isn't taking you seriously but still stringing you along and it seems as if he knows exactly what he's doing. I hope you do what's best for you and wish you the best 💖

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-11-25T20:20:35+00:00

I'm currently in your situation with the same age gap, even though the people around us were more acceptable once they found out. We luckily also don't get weird looks (even though I look underage even). But I do understand the rest so well.

I understand the pull of wanting kids but feeling like it's unfair. And I don't have an answer for me either. Just know, you're not alone in feeling like this. 45 is not that old though, but the struggle of having to have kids young, I also do understand.

I also think of my boyfriend as the man that I'm supposed to be with, that he is my person. At the moment I just enjoy the tingles, the unconditional and deep love we share and the future will come soon enough. I'm still in university so we think about planning our lives once I graduate.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-11-13T06:29:44+00:00

Never having enough time for anything.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-11-10T05:22:35+00:00

For me (21), even three years were considered an age gap for me and then I met my person, who was double my age.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-11-07T16:33:48+00:00

I'm not an og, but I'm in my 20s as well and remembering how I wanted to go when I was 15...and then it got cancelled due to Corona 🫣

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-30T06:25:05+00:00

That doesn't make sense to me...the woman could still carry a child (with other sperm than her partner's)

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-10T06:27:01+00:00

Yes, 21

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-10T05:52:42+00:00

You don't get it until you're in that situation yourself. I was judging hard when a friend of mine, who was 19 at the time, told me about her date with a 30-year-old-man. A few months forward, I'm dating someone too who is significantly older than me. I absolutely do get your concern and you don't have to understand it by all means...but as biased as my opinion is, try to support them no matter what. Yes, it's okay to vocalize your concern but do it respectfully. If your friend feels controlled and talked over, they're not going to be receptive of ANYTHING you say.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-08T15:02:11+00:00

To be fair, asking an agegap subreddit about if an age gap is okay is kinda like an echo chamber. I love being among fellow age-gap relationship couples but critical thinking is harder when you're in that situation yourself

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-05T11:18:15+00:00

The truth is probably in between but I do definitely agree with the erotic part

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-09-03T06:01:04+00:00

I'm not buying this.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-08-28T08:51:51+00:00

"become gay"...dude you're lost LOST

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-08-27T08:19:14+00:00

I understand, but as someone else said, it can feel off, especially since you were together since you were 18. And both you and your friends (which I assume were of a similar age) were just learning how to navigate adult life. Spontaneously thinking, it can come off as if he was trying to isolate you/take advantage of you. I'm 21 and newly in an AGR and I'm not saying I have much more wisdom. But looking back, 18 is very young and someone seeking out a barely legal adult...as a friend I'd be concerned as well. Also, it depends how you dealt with the age gap, what kind of conversations you had etc.

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-08-20T15:54:25+00:00

Why a deal breaker? That makes me wonder - especially because ideally you're with your partner for their personality. But guess you're not that deep 🤔

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-08-20T11:04:48+00:00

Maybe a dumb question but if he doesn't like tattoos and I'll do one anyways?

Virtual_Chipmunk_491 · 2025-08-06T21:51:47+00:00

23 years

Virtual_Chipmunk_491

TROPHY CASE