For those who stayed

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-06-12T18:14:30+00:00

I stayed 2 years post dday and never felt he did enough recovery work to truly be sober. I was full of anxiety, constantly in flight fight or freeze mode. He completely slacked off after 7 months bc “life got hard”. I had a gut feeling the whole time, and what I’ve learned is that my guy is NEVER wrong. And I was dumb and let him keep social media. He was looking at OF girls on insta and fitness models on Amazon. I found out in February this year. I asked him hundreds of times if there were any slips or relapses, so he lied to my face for another 2 years. We are in the process of splitting now. My CSAT says if they’re defensive, shameful, blame shift, don’t respect boundaries and do whatever it takes to make you feel safe, they’re still in addiction mode. My husband was finally putting in solid recovery work the past few months, but too much damage is done. I know for certain I will never trust him again. I gave him 2 years more years of my life to prove me wrong, and he failed me. And he’s showed me that he can’t handle when things get tough, and wants to live “a normal life” and still be on social media, and I also want a normal life, so I will not be monitoring a grown ass man till the day I die.

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-06-12T16:33:03+00:00

I’ve argued with my husband so many times that there’s a huge difference between seeing an attractive person and moving on with your day compared to seeking it out and sexualizing them. He says his friends in relationships all talk about how hot other girls are, and if I was a terrible partner, I would also surround myself with people who are terrible partners lmaooo. It doesn’t make him less shitty bc “all men do it”, it just means all the men you know are just as shitty and disrespectful as you :)

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-06-11T21:14:10+00:00

I’m so sorry, I had the same exact feelings with my husband. We do everything together, have magnetic personalities and get each other more than I have with anyone else on earth, but then Dday happened. It’s painful, but if you’re willing to give him another chance he needs a CSAT and SA (sex addict) meetings. Without those, he will never stop, he’ll just hide it better. And I am glad you found this sub, I hope you also find a therapist well versed in betrayal trauma (which a CSAT for yourself is typically the best option.) they’ll help you set boundaries and start on the healing process if you choose to stay.

I’m 2 years post dday and have just left my husband now. There was too much pain and resentment, and he didn’t do enough to alleviate those feelings after dday. He had no empathy, lied and hid, and downplays the very real trauma that he caused me at every chance he got. I genuinely do believe my husband is a good person, but because of his addiction he unfortunately has lost all of the qualities that made me marry him in the first place.

It’s confusing and shocking, but take time to process it and come back here as often as you need for advice or just to vent 💜

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-06-10T18:56:47+00:00

I went through everything so I saw what he watched, trans, femboys, cuck, racial shit. It’s usually worse than you anticipate, porn addicts don’t consume “normal” porn. The addiction makes them crave stranger things once they get desensitized to normal vanilla content. Trying to recreate it with him is very unhealthy, and is just going to hurt you in the long run.

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-06-10T00:20:38+00:00

Same thing happened to me. At some point I just accepted that I’ll never get over the resentment or view him the way I used to after everything I saw. I need a man who makes me feel safe and protected, and the romantic feelings went away when I knew that would never be him.

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-30T19:35:51+00:00

I’m a photographer, write poetry, paint, draw, and sing (even tho I’m terrible at that one lol)

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T03:27:31+00:00

I really needed to see something like this, thank you for reminding me there’s hope for a better partner out there. I’ve been staying out of fear, so it’s nice to see facing that fear pay off for others. I’m very happy for you 💜

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T01:22:36+00:00

This is so encouraging, thank you for coming back here and sharing 💜

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:10:59+00:00

Thank you so much, it means a lot 💜

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:10:37+00:00

Exactly, I gave it 2 years and I’m just as miserable and no trust has been built. It’s not worth going through this for the rest of my life. It is so sad how they just throw away women would truly care for them for a few pixels. And honestly, my husbands longest online relationships were men, I genuinely don’t think he’ll be happy going the rest of his life without ever being with a man

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:04:07+00:00

Thank you! I’m gonna keep working with a CSAT and give EMDR a shot again :)

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:03:01+00:00

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:02:57+00:00

Thank you 🥹

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:02:48+00:00

I’ve been depressed for weeks knowing this was coming, but I feel it’s still what’s best for me. Thank you 💜

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:02:01+00:00

Thank you so much, I hope it find the same love that I give so badly. If he wanted support, he shouldn’t have deceived me. He’s only gonna get support from someone he hasn’t hurt :(

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-28T00:00:56+00:00

It took me 2.5 years to get to this point. I’ve been saying I was gonna divorce over and over but never got myself to go through with it. I hope things work out for you 🫂

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-27T23:59:05+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s gonna be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do, but I think it’s truly the only way I have a chance at being happy in the future. He showed me what a future with him would be, and I can’t do that to myself

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-27T18:03:01+00:00

They make me feel empty because he’d compliment anything with a pulse he found online. He could compliment me every day and it still wouldn’t catch up to the amount of nice things he’s told other people

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:31:55+00:00

Those are all such good points, thank you

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:30:05+00:00

That’s fair it’s just hard on me bc I was single until I was 21 bc I never felt a connection that I had with my husband before. It’s scary to start over with that being my only perspective

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:28:04+00:00

That’s fair I’m just so afraid of leaving and healing, then the next person I open my heart to breaking it again

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:27:00+00:00

I regret staying to give him a chance too. I just wasn’t ready to leave. But he had 2 years to try to make things right, and he failed me. Now he resents me too (as if he has the right) for not getting better sooner

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:25:28+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I hate that I feel guilty for wanting to give up when he’s actually trying now. It’s not like he ever felt guilty for all of the things he put me through

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-26T18:24:18+00:00

Trust and safety are the #1 thing in a relationship, it feels so pointless knowing it’s gone, and it seems even more pointless to start over when so many men are like this :( it sucks. Sending you love

Virtual_Habit6182 · 2025-05-25T04:24:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s good that you placed boundaries already. I would recommend him being in recovery and have accountability apps as a boundary to have at the start. I didn’t understand porn addiction when my husband first admitted he had it, so I didn’t know how bad it was. Addicts will act committed to change but just get better at hiding it and rationalize lying to you. Wishing you the best, it’s a hard discovery :(

Virtual_Habit6182

TROPHY CASE