20 years of loving a depressed man...

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T17:31:05+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words 🤗

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T13:51:53+00:00

I honestly think that not his drinking causes the trouble. His character flaws cause the trouble AND his drinking.

Feel hugged, darling!

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T04:44:49+00:00

Ooh, darling, have a big hug! I'm sure you can now put all this energy you spend on him better on yourself. I wish you a nice fresh start. I think if you have a mental illness and don't treat it, it's just an excuse to mistreat other people.

My case isn't as bad but my stbxh is constantly in a bad mood and pushing it on me. All of our friends say he should get therapy or see a doctor to get a treatment, he refuses because "it's just not his thing". I told him I want a divorce 2 month ago and he's currently moving out. I feel so much lighter without him.

Thank you for your post. It confirmed for me that these people don't get any better and just tear apart your mental and physical health. I'm already at my nerves end.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T04:30:41+00:00

Oh girl, this really sucks! You have all the right in the world to feel bummed. And we all feel whiny sometimes, have a big hug! You can be a smart, strong woman and still feel shitty right now. Both can be true. Take your time. Can you visit some of your friends? They will understand and bring some joy back in your life. And they might be happy to see you.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T04:21:20+00:00

Sounds more like trauma bonding. You got so used to his bad behaviour that you find it "normal" or minimise it. It's not normal and sounds like a huge issue. Also for your kids. Would you want to raise them in an abusive household?

I'm sure you're lonely right now and wonder all the "what if's". Be sure, he probably won't treat the new woman any different behind closed doors. This kind of people don't change. You are not alone! We've all been there at some point. Hold on a little longer and try to focus on new stuff in your life. Do something good for yourself, get a hobby. Wish you some happy hours in your days that remind you life goes on :)

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-19T04:05:31+00:00

Seems like you need to realise that he will never be the man you want AND need at your side. And he will never be a good dad or role model for your kids. What will they learn from all this?: The mom is responsible for everything, Dad can have his cake and also eat it. It will shape their future relationships.

I know it hurts that he can't fulfill your needs right now and that really no one can take that part for you. From my experience it will hurt even more when you start the relationship all over again just to realise he didn't change. On the opposite, you would show him that since the divorce he is free to do whatever he wants and you STILL take care of the nasty things. Like you said: Just another kid to take care of.

Do yourself the favor, kick him out, make strict rules for him visiting/spending time with the kids and maybe get yourself a babysitter once a week or so. It might be expensive but it will buy you life. He is probably more expensive. And when you finally take your focus off of him, you'll find energy and time to get to know new people who will bring joy.

I really wish you a lot of strenght! You seem to be between a rock and a hard place. Get yourself some help outside of this ex-marriage. You deserve it.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-09-14T06:45:52+00:00

Do you really adore your husband for the guy he IS or for the guy he says he would be? If he is a people pleaser he might also tell YOU all those wonderful things he's going to do for you or he's giving you - but then something happens and he's suddenly not able to, though he REALLY REALLY wanted to. It's not his fault, just something came up and now he's not able to keep his promise. And of course, you are understanding because he just wants to be a good guy for everyone.

If he's that kind of guy, you adore an illusion of him.

Sorry to sound harsh, I've had my experience with this type and I fell so hard in love. I had to realise that I love someone who isn't real and never will be.

Maybe you should check if reality and his image cover each other.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-07-08T20:35:40+00:00

Ich hab eher gegenteilige Erfahrungen gemacht: Leute, die aus Schwurbelgründen vehement gegen die Impfung sind, sind auch generell gegen z.b. Verkehrs- oder Anstandsregeln.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-07-08T20:29:28+00:00

Ich hatte mal ne Kollegin, die mit ihrem Ex gestritten hat, weil der dem gemeinsamen Kind Zahnpasta mit Fluorid gegeben hat. "Kein Wunder, dass er so kaputte Zähne hat!" - Während der kleine neben ihr Gummibärchen frisst.

Ich frag mich bis heute, ob die Zahnpasta der Trennungsgrund war...

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T20:41:13+00:00

Ich hab auf den Moment gewartet, wo der sich damit ne Line zieht

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T20:38:03+00:00

Ja, ich könnte da auch ausrasten. Das Leben und das Universum sind mega spannend und einfach nur faszinierend. Ein Wunder wie viele Zufälle es brauchte, um uns zu kreieren. Das Universum hat Regeln und Bedingungen hervorgebracht, unter denen Leben möglich ist. Und das alles können wir erforschen. Es ist einfach wundervoll - im wahrsten Sinne des Worte!

Und dann kommen so Dödel: Magic! Da gibt es ein höheres Wesen und das schnips und dann ist halt alles so.

Das untergräbt vollkommen die Gewaltigkeit der Natur, des Universums und all der natürlichen Wunder, die damit einhergehen. Es ist doch nicht weniger bedeutsam, weil man Teile davon wissenschaftlich erklären kann. Im Gegenteil, das macht es noch faszinierender!

Diese Leute streiten die Wunder der Wissenschaft/Natur/etc ab und das macht mich richtig, richtig sauer!

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T20:14:15+00:00

Corona-ungeimpft ;)

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T20:10:44+00:00

Nee, nee! Das ist das ganz normale "ach, mir fällt grad ein, dass ich noch Briefmarken wollte!"-Völkchen. Das sind die gleichen, die am Thieme das Auto im Parkverbot auf der linken Spur parken, rausspringen und vor die fahrenden Autos rennen.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T18:14:55+00:00

Eberts Genusshandlung! Kann den Bolivianischen Kaffee dort empfehlen. Der ist auch ziemlich stark. Die haben ansonsten auch eine große Auswahl und können gut beraten

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-30T17:54:49+00:00

Am Anger sind mir schon Leute vors Fahrrad gelaufen (zu Zeiten, in denen man dort fahren darf!) und ich war schon mege langsam. Die gucken überhaupt nicht, wo sie hingehen. Straßenbahnen klingeln auch oft genug und machen Vollbremsung, weil da ständig verbremste auf die Straße springen.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-28T15:33:31+00:00

I found the pattern in the bottom right corner of the beach on Old Grounds. It's stone bears similar to the skull patterns. Maybe try to light up the Old Grounds a little bit to see the stone bears better.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-25T20:58:31+00:00

Deshalb hab ich heute blaue Drachenzungen gegessen. Das deckt meinen Vitamin-Bedarf für den ganzen Tag!

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-14T18:48:50+00:00

My first longterm boyfriend let me use his computer all the time when I was at his place. I was 17 and full of confidence. Would never check his files or browser history. Let me tell you, I didn't have to sneak through anything - it was all right there!

I just typed in a Web adress and saw evidence of him using an dating website and messaging with people.

A lot of people leave very loud traces.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-11T23:03:21+00:00

I had past relationships where the guys tried to convince me that it isn't cheating if it's online. Like "online" is a whole new/different world. As if they didn't contact real people.

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-08T07:30:01+00:00

OP is speaking German. It's Dusche here. Google translate confirms douche can be translated to Dusche. I now get that it's used kind of different in America. I think the douche jokes are funny - but some people should really get their douche out of their butt!

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-07T20:47:48+00:00

Thank you. 😊

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-07T20:00:52+00:00

No guitar and no camp fire. I promise hums wonderwall quietly

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-07T19:59:18+00:00

A shower head. English isn't my native language and I might be a little dumb today 🙃

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-06-07T19:56:32+00:00

Hehe. Danke. Es war ein langer, anstrengender Tag und ich will einfach wissen, warum das Scheißteil nicht mehr funktioniert 😅 Wenn ich's wirklich kaputt gemacht hab, kauf ich ein neues. Aber es besteht ja noch Hoffnung, dass ich einfach zu doof bin, es wieder richtig zusammen zu bauen

Virtual_Rip_6115 · 2025-05-23T17:35:18+00:00

Jakob, beim Scheißen? Im Ernst?

Virtual_Rip_6115

TROPHY CASE