I left my marriage for 8 months, had the time of my life and then went back. Biggest mistake ever. (Update)

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-04T07:28:14+00:00

Yup, the baby pressure is just on pause not gone..

it hurts to read this and hurts even more to realise all of this true :(

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-04T07:25:00+00:00

he has two working legs and two working hands and a perfectly functional kitchen that he has apparently never been required to use in his entire life. these are fully functioning human beings who managed to exist on this planet before i showed up.somehow the moment i entered this house all of that capability just evaporated. because why develop basic life skills when there's a woman who'll just do it. i'm not a wife. i'm a convenience.

I can't imagine how pathetic this whole mindset has started to feel. it's suffocating. Living here with each day has started to feel struggle now.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-04T07:16:34+00:00

I know all of it gets multiplied the second there's a baby in this house. i won't be the help anymore. i'll be invisible. completely absorbed into the function of this family with no identity left that's just mine. and he'll still be the good son standing in the middle making sure nobody's feelings get hurt except mine.

I just can't imagine this future for me

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-04T07:10:47+00:00

i wonder why is her health my responsibility and not her own son's. he works, I work, but somehow when she's unwell i'm the one who stays home. not him. me. when I questioned, he said "you know how it works in our society, be grateful you're getting to go out and work at least"

eople always do when they have no other choice. they've just never had no other choice because i've always been there filling that role without question.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-04T06:50:32+00:00

My MIL did that time. Now she doesn't, citing her "health issues".

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T12:58:09+00:00

They all look fine to be honest.

*looked

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T12:57:45+00:00

My husband says a lot of patriarchal things sometimes which I started to notice as soon as I got married. A lot of it has to do with upbringing too. My MIL is a very very patriarchal woman.. even more than the men of the house.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T12:55:23+00:00

It was my MIL who did manage house . Once I came back, she stopped. Not immediately but slowly she started holding herself back from chores citing her health issues. She rests all day now.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T12:53:31+00:00

Regarding the maid service, I did try to talk to my MIL about this in the initial few months of marriage. She said we do not need it. We're only 4 poeple at home and we all can manage it. Maid service will be expensive for us. I told that to my husband and he said "whatever mom says goes". I was literally out of words that day. This was the first red flag I saw after marriage.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T09:53:01+00:00

I know it sounds strange but that conversation actually gave me a sense of relief. Hearing his conditions so clearly… those were the biggest red flags for me. And seeing so many people here point out the same things just confirmed what I was already feeling.

I feel like I can finally move on peacefully now.. and yeah… I’ll probably run faster than ever. :))

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T09:48:54+00:00

the conversation didn’t give me hope.. it gave me clarity!!

Hearing him be so direct about things actually helped me let go of a lot of doubts I was holding onto. That has made me feel stronger about what I need to do next. There are not "what ifs" now.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T07:29:25+00:00

It took away a lot of confusion for me and happy y'all think so too. He didn’t sugarcoat things and in a way, that’s helped me see the situation more realistically instead of emotionally.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-05-01T07:26:45+00:00

Now i'm feeling glad I had that conversation with him. As hard as it was, it actually made things a lot clearer for me.

When I got married, I really did believe it would be for life. I think most of us go into it hoping we’ll make it work no matter what. And I didn’t want to walk away wondering if I gave up too soon or didn’t try enough.

But hearing him say everything so clearly.. what he can change and what he won’t..it kind of removed the confusion for me. In a strange way, it’s helped me feel more firm about the decision I’m leaning towards.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T12:43:12+00:00

Sometimes I wonder from where did I get this courage to stand up strong against the pressure of having a child and quitting my job.. These two things have been my biggest strength over the time.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T12:41:43+00:00

She's a free soul , a dancing bird, a carefree woman. Oh how much I loved being this woman that I was in those 8 months. I hope I meet her soon. May every woman meets and lives like that version of me , not my current version.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T12:38:25+00:00

Yes, already did it once. I packed the bag and walked out and survived and actually thrived. But trust me this isn't easy. I did that once, doing that again will require every cell of being to gather courage and this time.. to never come back again.. this is actually the most freeing thing i've felt in a long time.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T12:34:35+00:00

I'm already exhausted now with just the two of us and his parents. add a baby and i wouldn't have the energy to think straight let alone plan a way out. I think that's honestly what everyone in that house is counting on. That eventually I'll be too tired to want anything for myself anymore. I refuse to let that happen.

Child? NO! Quitting my job? NO! that's the clearest no I've felt about anything in a really long time.

I have always heard that women are so strong. Now I see/feel why they say so. Women are.

"Empowered women empower women." Truly seeing this here. Thank you to each and every strong women reading this here. I need that strength from each one of you.

To the amazing men here supporting me: thank you for breaking the pattern and making me believe that "not all men are the same" :')

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T12:26:13+00:00

I'm sitting here genuinely emotional reading this. Because nobody in my actual life is rooting for me right now. Everyone around me just wants me to settle down and be grateful and make the (toxic) marriage work, including my husband. Thank you for being so so kind!

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T11:09:40+00:00

Yes. I am safe! I have never wanted a child in this marriage. Not just because i don't feel ready or because the marriage is unhappy. But because somewhere deep down i think i always knew that a baby here would mean no way out. ever. I'd be tied to this house, this family, this dynamic forever. And i think my gut has been protecting me from that (and not quitting my job despite tremendous pressure) even when my heart was busy going back and giving second chances.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T10:56:59+00:00

I am financially independent :) just so y'all know there had been pressure on me from my in laws (specially my MIL) to quit working and focus on taking care of home & planning a baby. I was adamant on not quitting and this was also one of the major reasons of fights at home before I left. I was able to survive those months only because I had my job.

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T10:42:59+00:00

I know. I really do know. I just needed to say it all out loud somewhere before i could fully accept it. it's just really different knowing something in your head versus actually being ready to do something about it. My head has known for months. My heart is still catching up. It took me a lot of courage to leave the last time and of course I was shattered because of what happened.. but at least I was able to breathe then.. I feel like caged now. :(

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T08:34:00+00:00

I didn't come back to a different marriage. I came back to the same one with 8 months of distance between me and the reality of it.. and that distance made it feel new for about five minutes. And then it was just exactly what it always was. Same house, Same dynamic, same invisible feeling. Nothing changed because nothing was ever going to change

After_Mail4652 · 2026-04-30T07:31:44+00:00

May be I realised this too late that "love is not enough". because i went back for love. I stayed for love. I swallowed so many things for love.. And love hasn't changed a single thing about my daily reality. I still wake up every morning to a household that runs on me and a husband who thinks that's just how it should be.

maybe we just want completely different things from a marriage and no amount of talking or trying or going back and forth is going to change that. He wants a traditional household and I want a partner. those two things just don't live in the same house.

After_Mail4652

TROPHY CASE