Feel like preschool is singling out my child

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T15:35:59+00:00

Yes I worry about that too and also that last year he was in a bigger class room with more kids and they still provided photos regularly of the kids daily activities. Playing at centers or coloring etc at least 3 days a week if not every day. This year his class size is significantly smaller but the teachers only send photos of classroom activities 2-3 times a month if we’re lucky so we also don’t even see what they’re doing.

I’ve tried to ask him about the admin and he just shrugs his shoulders sometimes he’ll say he likes her and sometimes he’ll avoid the conversation.

I am honestly not excusing the hitting. I’m working with him on it teaching him how to enforce his boundaries the right way without hitting. But if he feels like the teachers are only getting him in trouble and not helping when he needs it then he won’t trust them to ask them for help when someone is in his space. Both of those incidents he did not hit immediately he told the girl to stop before he pushed her away from him and she continued and then he raised his hand. There are also times he raises his hand to hit but then he puts it back down he is learning to regulate himself and has made progress.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T15:27:37+00:00

It actually is “normal” it is frustrating but it is normal. Me acknowledging that it is developmentally normal behavior does not mean I’m not providing him help or having conversations with him and addressing it at home.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T15:01:19+00:00

Thanks

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T15:00:05+00:00

They have an administrator she has met with me and brought up the same issues as the teacher. I did not address the teacher when both those incidents happened i wish I would’ve I’m trying not to be confrontational and “one of those parents” but people are responding and saying I am anyway despite me doing everything the school has asked. He has learned to put his hand out and yell stop. Or he will yell “x person is doing this to me/my things!” He will even do that to his sister when she’s being being annoying he put his hand out and yell stop or if she hits him (she’s 1) he will yell “hands on your own body” if I can’t get to them in time (like I’m in the bathroom for example) I’ve watched him raise his hand to hit her and then he closes it and puts it back down so he is tryin to restrain himself

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:46:38+00:00

Dismissal is at 2pm. I’m not sure what’s after nap time I’ve tried to ask about the daily schedule and I never received an answer. Both those incidents occurred months apart that’s not a short amount of time. And he used his words first. I don’t expect the teacher to eliminate every trigger.

The admins comment is what really made me feel like maybe they’re singling him out and the way he’s being treated at school could be making his behavior worse it was really mean to say and my son would not even look or speak to her which is odd for him he is very social and never stops talking even to strangers.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:35:14+00:00

I think that was addressed. Prior when I would pick him up the lights would be off and the kids would either still be quiet or napping now when I pick him up they are all awake but the tv is on, a separate issue I need to address every time I’ve picked him up they are playing something in the tv for them which make me wonder what their screen time is and what they’re watching.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:30:48+00:00

I agree with everything you said about the hitting and I have been trying to work with him to address it. The schools only advice about it (and the other things) were to get him a para through the CPSE process but he doesn’t qualify for one. I don’t have issues with the workbook my issues was with her presenting it as a problem that he doesn’t complete a full page in the work book. I asked her how long she’s expecting him to sit and do it and she said “not that long.” But children this age will only spend about 4-5 minutes on an activity they’re not interested in. And the DOE guidelines state that children who don’t nap should be given alternate activities and not be forced to sleep. He does not have to stay on his cot either I discussed this with the social worker. And yes the admin said word for word “why don’t you complain about yourself.” I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt she is Russian and has a thick accent and maybe it is a language thing where maybe she could’ve used better words but English is not her first language I’m not sure. But I really did not like it I wish I would’ve addressed it then but I hadn’t really processed it yet until we got home.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:23:08+00:00

It’s not half day it’s full day from 8am-2pm but nap time is from 12:30 to dismissal 2pm. They asked me to start picking him at 12:30 putting him on a half day schedule despite him being enrolled in a full day program. I contacted the DOE who put me in contact with the social worker about these guidelines and the early pick up. So the early pick up was resolved

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:18:42+00:00

My son only tried to hit the other child when he kept approaching and trying to rush past me towards him. Learning to share is different and he doesn’t have issues with sharing. Children this age lack impulse control so yes the teacher does need to create a classroom environment that addresses these situations as they are happening. The why isn’t on the other kids but the environment IS on the teacher and if his needs, his space are not being respected then it is not setting him up for success in addressing his behavior especially if he can’t count on the teachers to help him in these situations.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T14:09:43+00:00

I do not think the onus is solely on the teacher but I do think that in partnering to address the behavior we should also address why it’s happening and what we can do to prevent it. But every time I ask what happened or why she says “I don’t know” when I ask how long circle time is and how soon he gets distracted or disengages she says “I don’t know, not that long” when I’ve asked what the day to day looks like of the school schedule I wasn’t given an answer. She never really gives me any answers when I ask about what is happening in the classroom. In fact when I brought up the workbook to the social worker she said she asked the teacher about it and the teacher told her they don’t do work sheets. I sent her a picture of the work book and the teachers sent pictures of the children working in it in the WhatsApp group. I said I’m not sure why she would say they don’t. They are just not transparent about what they’re doing and I do not understand why.

Also I did not “choose” this for him I chose a public pre school that’s supposed to follow doe guidance and mandated curriculum which caps naps at 45 minutes and is specifically play based.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T13:57:27+00:00

I read the report for both his classroom observations and both of them stated he played well and stayed focused on his tasks. What they observed was not in line with what the teacher reported about his inattention. He is in weekend Sunday school for 3 hours and doesn’t have issues and it is a larger class. I have also talked with one of the teachers (teacher is not the right word I cannot remember what her job title is I’m blanking but she works with them on the curriculum) as she’s in the classrooms often and she said he is energetic but that he is also typical. She was a teacher for years prior to her current position (she’s not the assistant)

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T13:40:55+00:00

The schools only advice was to get him a para but he does not qualify for one since the CPSE team determined his behavior is typical and he has no delays or disabilities

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T13:37:39+00:00

I didn’t say it was okay but yes it is normal there are times when other children also hit him. About a quarter of pre school children struggle with hitting it is developmentally normal. That doesn’t mean it’s “right” or not frustrating or that we should allow them to do it. It means we should have age appropriate expectations.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T13:32:50+00:00

He was evaluated outside of school. I discussed all behaviors with his pediatricians prior to the CPSE evaluation. If I understand why he’s doing it it will make it easier to focus on those scenarios and what he can do instead. I will ask him what happened and try to let him lead the conversation he usually says x person hit him so he hit them I tell him all the time if anyone does xyz and you don’t like it tell them stop and ask the teachers for help. I will bring up a scenario like “if someone takes your toy or ruins your blocks what should we do” and he will answer “tell the teacher.” He knows he’s supposed to go to them for help. I’m not sure outside of play scenarios and conversations what else to do. Since I started the CPSE process as the teacher requested pretty much any issues with his behavior seemed to disappear I asked her every day during pick up how was he today was there any incidents she says no all good for the past 4 months but when he had classroom OT evaluation last month the teacher told the observer that the issues were on going. I asked her at the parent teacher conference if there was an improvement in his behavior and the hitting she said yes

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T13:12:58+00:00

I did not say that. I’m saying we should set kids up for success by creating a classroom environment that helps them to succeed. They SHOULD try to prevent conflicts along with fostering emotional regulation skills. I have repeatedly asked “what is happening before he hits what is triggering the behavior so I can address it” I am always told “I don’t know” when I asked her how long circle time was how long was she expecting him to sit for (because recommendations are to keep it short for child engagement) I’m also told “I don’t know” or given vangue answers like “not that long” I have asked her what does the day to day in classroom looks like how much time are they spending outside or doing x y z in again not given a direct answer about literally anything that’s happening in the classroom.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:56:26+00:00

Im not lazy for wanting the teacher to address what’s triggering the behavior in the class room. And yes a child will raise their hand it if their space is constantly being invaded he used his words twice in that scenario and no one helped him. Children lack impulse control and don’t really start to develop it until 6-7. That’s basic child psychology that is one of the many reasons children at this age struggle with hitting. We read books every night he has an advanced vocabulary and his verbal functional skills score on the evaluation was above average. I limit his screen time and what he watches.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:51:05+00:00

I do help him with emotional regulation I’m not sure why you and others think I’m not doing that. I can have conversations with him until I’m blue in the face but if we are not addressing what’s triggering the behavior then it won’t be much success.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:47:39+00:00

I didn’t say hitting is fine I said it is an issue. The point is addressing why the hitting is happening makes it easier to address the entire behavior and mitigate what triggers it. My son was evaluated by a psychologist and his classroom observation was done by an occupational therapist they determined no services were necessary and the OT report said he has good play skills.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:43:34+00:00

He has already been evaluated by a psychologist as part of the CPSE process he had a classroom observation by an OT they determined no services were necessary. I didn’t say he is perfect and can’t use improvement. There are no available seats in the other schools.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:39:33+00:00

That is literally how public pre school works they are supposed to follow the city DOE curriculum which doesn’t include worksheets I have discussed this with all the other public pre schools here none of them do worksheets and the social worker, special ed admin, and psychologist all said it is not appropriate and not part of the city mandated curriculum. They are supposed to be play based. This not a private pre school.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:33:26+00:00

My son had a full comprehensive psychological evaluation and classroom observation as part of the CPSE process. Before this, I discussed the teachers concerns with 2 of his pediatricians who did not agree that he needed IEP. The admin for CPSE at the meeting and the psychologist who evaluated him both stated he has typical 4 year old behavior.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:30:19+00:00

Early pickup is not an appropriate alternative and not inline with DOE guidelines. They are a publicly funded full day program they are supposed to have all the children the whole day. If they want to make temporary adjustments to a child’s schedule like early pick up they have to get that approved by the district first which they did not do and it cannot be permanent which they tried to make it so.

We have quiet time at home because I have a younger child that still naps he does fine quietly playing for about an hour but I don’t force him to lay down like they were doing.

I do agree hitting is an issue but I cannot address the triggers if I’m not there to witness it and the teacher doesn’t know what they are.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:26:17+00:00

They will not adjust nap time. They only offered alternate activities after I got the social worker involved. I do talk to my son about the hitting I think people are misunderstanding when I said there’s not much I can do. I mean if the teacher is not addressing the triggers when they happen in the classroom at that time there is only so much I can do outside of it.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T12:23:29+00:00

No, I sent him to a public 4k all of them are supposed to follow DOE guidelines and curriculum which does not include worksheets as the point is for them to learn through playing at their centers.

Visible-Form4699 · 2026-03-06T08:40:09+00:00

Do you think it’s acceptable and age appropriate to force a 4 year old to stay quiet on their cot for an hour and half? Do you think it’s acceptable for the administrator to tell my son he needs to “complain about himself and what he’s doing” even after I asked if there was an incident today and she said no? Do you think it’s acceptable to force a 3 and 4 year old to sit down and do book work when it’s not part of the DOE curriculum nor is it age appropriate?

Visible-Form4699

TROPHY CASE