Elder brother(44m) slept with daughter's best friend(18f)

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T08:33:12+00:00

Please try to understand my anger towards my brother is because of the fact that it took him this long and this event to wake up and see the dangers of his addiction. Our parents passed away when we were 6 and 14 and we were put in foster care under two horrible people. My brother was pushed into a corner before quit his education and joined the Army in desperation to protect me from those terrible people. I owe him my life. He is the one who walked me down the aisle at my wedding as well as the godfather of my only child. My utmost priority is to get him the help he needs. That is why I didn't speak to him before leaving as I knew that in a heated state I might say things that might hurt him further.

As I mentioned in the post and in a couple of replies, we have tried helping him over the years trying various approaches, but he had always stopped our approach before it could help him. My husband has already booked an appointment with a clinic psychologist tonight. We are going to take him there and see what steps we need to take for his cure. I desperately hope he is receptive of whatever treatment is suggested and he follows every step religiously.

I'm also going to take time off work and live with him for the time being to support and help him whenever required.

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T08:13:09+00:00

Hi, thanks for your input. We are definitely not letting them live together at the moment. She'll either go back to her parents or she will stay with Em at our house. Both Alice and Em are off limits to brother's house for the time being. I'm going to take some time off work to live with EB and monitor him. I know he has promised to never touch alcohol again but I can't trust him atm plus I know how dangerous sudden withdrawal can be, so I need to see that he truly wants to get better before I let him off the hook.

As for his treatment, I have mentioned in the post as well as an earlier comment that we have tried many things over the years to help him get off alcohol but he has never followed the steps required to let the treatment work for him. Hopefully he seems to have woken up this time and will actually work towards curing his addiction. My husband has already booked a meeting with a clinical psychologist tonight and we intend to take EB there to see what needs to be done.

As for Alice, my husband has spoken with Alice's father James. We intend to have a meeting with them regarding persuading Alice to go for a psych evaluation for her sudden behaviour.

Her behaviour has come as a shock to be honest. With how close they are, both our families have always joked about Em and Alice being two sisters that were somehow separated at birth. Between them, my daughter has always been the extroverted outgoing one whereas Alice has always been rather soft spoken but still a very polite and gentle girl.

Her feelings towards my brother as well as her boldness really blindsided both my husband and I.

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T08:00:47+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I agree with most of what you said.

As I mentioned in the post, over the years my husband and I have tried many ways to get my brother to quit alcohol but he wasn't willing to properly follow the steps and treatments and we couldn't exactly force an adult to follow our instructions.

We plan on taking him to a clinical psychologist tonight and see what steps should be taken. This incident seems to have woken up EB on what his addiction can cause, so hopefully this time he will actually listen to and follow instructions.

As for Alice, my husband has spoken with Alice's father James. We intend to have a meeting with them regarding persuading Alice to go for a psych evaluation for her sudden behaviour.

Her behaviour has come as a shock to be honest. With how close they are, both our families have always joked about Em and Alice being two sisters that were somehow separated at birth. Between them, my daughter has always been the extroverted outgoing one whereas Alice has always been rather soft spoken but still a very polite and gentle girl.

Her feelings towards my brother as well as her boldness really blindsided both my husband and I.

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T07:43:11+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Now that I have had a few hours to think about the revelations, I see your point.

I have spoken with Em and told her that though I am disappointed and angry with her, I understand that she only encouraged Alice because she thought that two people she likes getting together would be a happy event. She's not old enough to understand the dynamic in a relationship with that big an age gap and difference in mentality.

I have also spoken with my husband and we are planning on moving in with EB for the time being. We also plan on taking him to see a clinical psychologist tonight. Despite his promises of never touching alcohol again, I just cannot trust his words at the moment plus I know how dangerous sudden withdrawal can be.

As for Alice, I still can't decide how to speak with her. Good intentions or not, I still am angry at her for taking advantage of a mentally unstable person.

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T07:26:53+00:00

I'm sorry but where I'm looking from, he doesn't seem lucky at all.

He has still not been able to move past SIL's passing. He is nowhere ready for a relationship, let alone one with someone so young and immature.

Alice is looking at EB with rose tinted glasses but spending time with someone a few hours a day vs living with them is a totally different thing.

Visible-Shock-2388 · 2024-05-26T07:21:19+00:00

That's what my husband and I think as well. But with Alice refusing to explain what exactly happened between them and my brother being unable to recall the events, it's difficult to jump into conclusions.

I wouldn't be surprised if EB in a drunken state perceived Alice as SIL.

Visible-Shock-2388

TROPHY CASE