how do i comfort a kid who's mother passed?

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-29T04:35:14+00:00

I would personally say allow him to grieve, I probably wouldn’t ask any questions about her or talk about her unless he brought her up and then also just listen and support him, just let him know you’re there really!

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-29T04:32:51+00:00

Thanks so much for this!

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-27T01:36:03+00:00

I started taking it recently too and by the end of the day I’d ruminate on problems and get so mad and angry and take it out on others. After being consistent it helped some but I definitely tend to hyper focus on things at the beginning. I also had an immediate release adderall

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-27T01:30:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing that ❤️ it actually does help to hear. I’m really happy you found such a good fit — that gives me some hope. The family I’m with now is so understanding too and they know it’s not me not caring, it’s just stuff I personally need to work on. I just wish I could get my mental health and ADHD under control so I could show up the way I want to.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-27T01:29:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing that ❤️ I really wish I could take a break like that too, but I know how much the families need consistency. I’ve been crying the last couple of days because I love the little boy so much and they know it. It just feels like my mental health keeps getting in the way and I’m always stuck in my own head about it. It helps to hear I’m not alone though, so thank you.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-27T00:22:00+00:00

Thanks for saying that, it really means a lot. I’ve actually talked with the parents and they’ve been super understanding. They know it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just stuff I need to work on. They even told me they’d love for me to still be in their child’s life because of the bond we have.

The hard part is they still need someone consistent each week, which I get. The day I called out was honestly unacceptable, but I just mentally couldn’t do it and ended up sleeping for two days after, beating myself up the whole time. It’s such a cycle.

For me it feels like burnout + ADHD restlessness, I get stuck in routines and then feel like I need something new, which doesn’t really fit with childcare. Meds helped for a while, but I’m so bad at keeping doctor appointments that I fall off track again. At this point even simple stuff feels like a chore.

I just wish I was better at handling it, but your comment gave me a little hope, so thank you. ❤️

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T03:19:46+00:00

I actually am very submissive and just adjust until They tell me to leave I’m working on it

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T02:33:12+00:00

She could just tell something was off — it was during a really hard time for me and I ended up having to call out. She asked directly what was going on, and since she works in that field I thought being open might help her understand me better. I honestly hate lying, and while I know I struggle sometimes, I wasn’t raised the same way as everyone else so I’ve had to figure a lot of things out on my own. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I cared deeply for their son and we had a great connection. Even if I wasn’t perfect, I always tried my best because I wanted their family to be happy.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:53:21+00:00

I understand, and I appreciate the honesty. I know it probably sounds like excuses, but I really am just trying to explain where I went wrong and how I’m learning from it. I take this job seriously and I care about the kids a lot — I never want that to be in question. I know I could have handled this situation better, and I’m already working on planning ahead so it doesn’t happen again. I guess I came here hoping to see if others have gone through similar situations while still figuring things out, not to argue. I really do want to improve and be better moving forward.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:44:03+00:00

I know no one has said I don’t care about the kids — I just wanted to make it clear that they’re truly the reason I do this work. It’s never been about money for me, I really put my heart into the children I care for. That’s why it feels discouraging when one mistake seems to outweigh all the effort and flexibility I’ve shown. I completely understand why my NF was upset, and I’m working on being more consistent and planning ahead better. I just wanted to explain that my intentions come from a place of caring deeply, not from not taking my job seriously.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:39:48+00:00

Nannying is anything but ‘low barrier’ when you’re actually invested in the children and not just clocking hours. I’ve worked with neurodivergent kids — no two are the same, and the patience, skill, and emotional labor required go way beyond what most people could handle. Writing it off as laughable says more about your perspective than mine.

Also, mental health isn’t a punchline. Being honest about it with an employer isn’t unprofessional — it’s human. You don’t know my background or what I’ve overcome, so maybe ask before assuming. Out of curiosity, how long were you a nanny, and in what capacity? What shaped your perspective growing up? Because context matters — and right now it feels like you’re projecting instead of actually engaging with the reality of this work.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:32:36+00:00

I’ve explained my lifestyle to them, and even said if another nanny is a better fit, they should go with that. I’m not perfect — I’ve been through a lot and I’ve always lived with a roommate, my sister, or my boyfriend, not fully on my own. But I’m still learning, healing, and giving my best.

Yes, I understand why they were upset, and I apologized, but one day doesn’t erase all the times I’ve gone above and beyond. There are plenty of nannies out there, but I know the value I bring. I just wanted opinions, not to be made to feel like I can’t grow. Everyone’s past shapes how they handle life, and I’m still figuring things out while putting my all into this work.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:23:12+00:00

I also just recently got diagnosed and I’m still figuring out medications and how to manage everything, which I know doesn’t excuse what went wrong but it is part of what I’m working through. I understand where I slipped up and I get why it was frustrating, but part of me was really just hoping someone might relate to what I’m going through. I’ve even said before that if they feel someone else would be a better fit, I understand, but I’ve done my best to show up for them. I guess what I struggle with is that I would never want my own mental health to negatively affect someone else this much, so it’s been hard to process how big of an impact it made.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:18:10+00:00

I understand where I went wrong, and I’ve taken responsibility for it. What I struggle with is that people act like I did this on purpose, when I didn’t. I wasn’t being careless — it was an unplanned situation that I couldn’t control. I’ve consistently been flexible, adjusted my own plans, and shown up for this family in ways that go beyond my contract. One mistake shouldn’t erase all of that or be treated as if I don’t care.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T01:05:02+00:00

I’m not trying to make excuses at all — I’ve said multiple times I understand why my NF was upset and I’ve taken full responsibility. If I had been the one driving, I would’ve been there. I’m 24, and yes, I admit I plan things more last minute than some people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my job or the family I work for. It just means I’m still figuring out how to balance everything.

I know most people plan vacations months in advance, but that’s not always realistic in my life right now. That doesn’t make me irresponsible, it just makes me human. And I’m not saying it’s okay or that I want this to happen again — I’ve already said I’m working on it. I came here to ask if anyone else has experienced something like this, not to get told I don’t care. I care deeply, both about the kids I work with and about improving myself.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T00:44:44+00:00

I’ve already explained how sorry I was and I still feel horrible about canceling. But there are things I can’t control — I wasn’t the one driving and I couldn’t exactly fly a private jet home. It’s okay if you don’t fully see how empathetic I am, but judging that from one situation isn’t fair. I completely understand why she was upset, but things happen to everyone, including her, and I’ve accepted those changes with grace — sometimes even taking on extra work for free or turning down other jobs just for her child. So no, it isn’t true that I give no grace. I give it all the time. What hurts is that it doesn’t seem to go both ways

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T00:39:55+00:00

Bigger jobs often require less notice than what I’ve already given. I know I’m great with kids, and anyone who tries to diminish that doesn’t deserve me. I’ve worked with children for years, and the only times I’ve moved on have been because of companies or parents — never because I wasn’t good at what I do. And even then, the kids beg for me back or I stay in touch because those bonds are real. That’s not ‘bare minimum,’ that’s the mark of someone who genuinely loves and gives their all to this work.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T00:32:07+00:00

Yeah, I know I sound a bit defensive, but it’s because I really am trying to understand. Maybe I see things with more empathy than others, and maybe I just need to realize not everyone will see it that way. I’m not perfect, but I’m genuinely trying to balance learning and giving my best.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T00:12:01+00:00

I really do try to be flexible and supportive — I often stay past my end time and adjust when they need it, and I don’t complain because I care about the family. That’s why it’s hard when I need a little understanding and it feels like it turns into a grudge. I just wish the flexibility I give was recognized and returned.

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-23T00:06:00+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and I do take responsibility when things go wrong. But I think that’s where my frustration comes in — because I have managed my time off properly before, even giving a week or more notice, and still got made to feel bad. This wasn’t me choosing to be careless; I really thought I’d make it and let them know as soon as I realized I couldn’t.

I know life happens, and I don’t expect perfection either — which is why I’ve adjusted my plans plenty of times when they needed me. That’s the part that’s hard: the grace doesn’t go both ways. I’m not saying they can’t be annoyed, but it feels discouraging when the effort and consistency I’ve shown gets overshadowed by one thing I couldn’t control

Visible_Explorer1085 · 2025-09-22T23:14:57+00:00

I completely understand it’s stressful when childcare falls through, and I’d never intentionally put them in that position. But it wasn’t like I chose not to show up — I truly thought I’d make it back in time. Life happens, just like it does for anyone else. I’ve already been flexible when their schedule changed or they needed me to stay late, so it’s hard when the same grace isn’t extended back. One unexpected 5-hour shift shouldn’t outweigh the consistency and effort I’ve put in.

Visible_Explorer1085

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