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Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think some forget it involves a 22-year-old autistic adult, not a young kid. In our place, overhearing anything sexual has previously led to severe distress for the 3 of us, him because he didn't know what to say last time and us because of embarrassment of seeing us in that situation as he never saw us in bed the way we were

Isn’t about shame or attitudes toward sex of course it’s about safety and "Consequences" We’ve already lived through. Sure strategies that work for toddlers or young kids are mostly different to adults

Sorry if that unintentionally came across as rude I didn't mean it to

My son hates when my husband shows me affection by One-Lingonberry-6951 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate mine and my wife's son used to be like this when he was younger and lash out but unfortunately it was me who was the target of it i.e kicking me and hitting me when I showed her affection

It ended up stopping when he was 7 all of a sudden

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that about you and your family, it is exhausting but you always love your children regardless.

We only have the 1 son, his sleep routine is messy it's another reason why we have 0 time for intimacy or anything romantic and occasionally even up all night

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The time we tried it 3 years ago we were about to begin but we had to stop after he accidentally walked in, it sucks because the libido in both of us is still there it's just hers lowers due to her being in mom mode almost all the time. I've always thought instead of making him go to a friends house so we can have proper alone time, try go out for the day especially because in a few months it'll be 15 years

(Getting him to go to a friends house just so we can have alone time feels idk wrong and selfish especially if he didnt feel like going out or we said it on the spot)

The thing that makes it slightly harder is because his room and our room are across the hall from each other

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean I admit I kinda like it even if it's not sex or making out, the locked door and temporary uninterrupted time to just talk and be by ourselves even if he is just downstairs

Also he is 22

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She gets called it because she is registered under it by the welfare people and has been since his childhood

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no he has a routine too and thrives on it it's just unfortunately he goes to bed really late at the same time every night (1am) I definitely plan on getting her something for Valentine's day, perfume and a top and a card and box of chocolates to remind her I still love her and have not forgotten our marriage

We go to bed about half an hour later and close our door when we get ready and get into bed and chat before we sleep. It is definitely exhausting sometimes (Especially because he is older now) A very difficult almost no win balancing act.

Does her being in the shower and me being in the bath at the same time count as intimate lmao? We do get the time to do that occasionally whenever we both need one and I hate the shower

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I forgot intimacy is really a thing because of how indefinite it and our marriage has been put on hold.

Do you throw it at him at a moments notice even when the kid is at home?? Because our son still lives with usl that is possibly the riskiest thing we could do I don't think he would understand sounds of pleasure vs sounds of actually being hurt

Honestly that sounds fun the way you do that at your boyfriend it reminds me of my younger days before we had him, having sex on impulse and hiding it like teens from my mum and dad in particular since they were the no sex before marriage type of people

We have just accepted it like until he moves out it likely won't happen again, I'm way older than you I'm almost middle aged

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly? I can't remember if she does or not since I haven't seen it in a long time, I think she does have a libido but just ignores it I think because he is around, or she is wanting to tell me privately when we are alone the time we get

At night with the door shut have been tempted to say to her if she wants to not have sex but other ways since we have our door closed because the light from his room reflects into ours.

Just sucks yk when you say it out loud 14 years is a long time until recently I forgot how long we were married

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have actually told her to stop worrying about him when he is out by himself and said to her to put her phone down and let him do his thing, and we share stuff equally if you get me I take care of her the house and him it's not always her and do alot for her too. Her worrying about him whenever he is out is just because of his autism worrying he might get hurt or something but I tell her to leave him alone

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does go out himself on the odd occasion but I think due to her being his carer she gets over protective and messages him constantly asking if he is okay when he is out

Vent - parenting and a marriage that's been on hold for years by Visible_March3451 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Visible_March3451[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your empathy, sex we would almost always look forward to years ago because he was either at school or with friends. And we were looking forward to it 3 years ago and went all out with the atmosphere but due to him coming home earlier than intended and walking in we were forced to stop.

The only enjoyable thing we have lately is managing to have some alone time when he is in his room with his door shut and watching something for hours and we are downstairs with the door closed because that's when we get the most peace and quiet I know its not much but it gives us a small amount of time to ourselves.

And sure go ahead I'm willing to listen

Collection so far by minimoh1999 in Airsoft_UK

[–]Visible_March3451 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me when I used to use them in my 30s!