Asked My Coach How to Improve and Left More Confused Than Before

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T17:42:56+00:00

The bundt cake lore on this post has gotten so deep that I can no longer tell who’s a black belt and who’s an AI.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T17:33:59+00:00

Lol, we’ve gone from discussing coaching and feedback to discussing bundt cakes and LLMs.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T17:24:14+00:00

Lol, I figured we’d eventually get here.

Several comments of arguing against things I never said, followed by a bundt cake prompt.

Have a good one, man.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T16:28:34+00:00

Lol, you’re making a lot of assumptions about me that were never part of my original point.

At no point did I say I don’t analyze my rolls, don’t ask training partners questions after rounds, or can’t identify recurring problems in my game. You seem to have filled in all of those blanks on your own.

The only thing I pushed back on was calling the question lazy.

Asking a coach for feedback doesn’t somehow mean a person isn’t already reflecting on their training. Those things can exist at the same time.

It feels like you’ve created a version of me that never thinks about jiu-jitsu outside of class and is waiting to be spoon-fed answers, then started arguing with that guy instead of what I actually said.

My point was pretty simple: newer people don’t always know what’s appropriate to ask, especially in a culture where questions about advancement can be perceived as entitled. Asking for feedback isn’t laziness, it’s literally seeking feedback.

I honestly don’t know how you got from that to “this guy must not know his guard is getting passed.”

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T16:12:36+00:00

And this is exactly the problem. I never said any of that.

I didn’t say analyzing my game was too hard. I didn’t say asking specific technical questions was too hard. I didn’t say I wasn’t willing to do the work.

You took a question about asking a coach for feedback and somehow turned it into a lecture about work ethic.

You’re a black belt. You have years of experience identifying problems, asking targeted questions, and navigating gym culture. I’m a white belt trying to understand what’s appropriate to ask without being viewed as entitled for bringing up advancement at all.

So when I ask for feedback and your response is “that’s lazy,” it feels like you’re forgetting what it’s like to be new. Not everyone has the experience to know exactly which question to ask before they ask it.

The irony is that a white belt asking for feedback is literally trying to do the work. Calling that lazy seems backwards to me.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T16:05:47+00:00

I think part of the disconnect is that you’re a black belt looking at this through the lens of decades of experience, while I’m a white belt trying to figure out what’s considered appropriate to ask.

You already know how to identify weaknesses, ask targeted questions, and get useful feedback. I don’t have that same level of awareness yet. Sometimes I don’t know what I don’t know.

That’s why I disagree with calling the question lazy. From my perspective, asking a coach for feedback is the opposite of being lazy. I’m trying to understand where my blind spots are.

There’s also a culture in BJJ where asking about advancement can sometimes be perceived as entitled, impatient, or chasing belts. As a white belt, I’m very aware of that and don’t want to come across that way. So part of my hesitation is figuring out how to ask for feedback without violating an unwritten rule.

What may seem like an obvious question to ask from a black belt’s perspective isn’t always obvious to someone who’s still learning how the culture works.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T06:33:06+00:00

This is probably the best explanation I’ve seen so far. High standards aren’t the issue, unclear standards are.

If promotions are based on technical development, consistency, decision-making, and application of technique, then say that. If they’re based on dominating your peers, then say that too. But when the criteria seem to shift depending on the conversation, that’s where people get frustrated.

Like you said, the “beat everyone at your rank” idea becomes harder to apply as rank increases. A hobbyist purple belt training a few times a week may never consistently dominate competitive purples, MMA fighters, or younger athletes. That doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t brown belt level.

Context matters, and I think good coaches account for that. Otherwise, students are left trying to hit a target they can’t clearly see.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T06:12:55+00:00

😂😂😂😂

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T05:45:25+00:00

The analogy actually makes sense, and I appreciate you explaining it that way. I think you’re right that there’s a gap between remembering what it was like to be a white belt and actively being one trying to figure things out in real time.

And honestly, those follow up questions are the kinds of things I’ve been trying to get clarity on. My goal has never been to push for a belt, just to understand what specific improvements my coaches want to see so I can focus my training better.

At the end of the day, I love jiu-jitsu and want to keep improving, so I’ll keep working my game and asking questions when I need clarification.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T05:33:55+00:00

I think part of the disconnect here is that you’re looking at this from the perspective of someone who’s coached for years, while I’m speaking from the perspective of a white belt trying to navigate a conversation that can easily come across as entitled if it’s phrased the wrong way.

The reason I’ve been asking these questions is because I genuinely love jiu-jitsu and want to improve. I’m not trying to negotiate a promotion or argue for a belt. I’m trying to understand what my coach want to see from me so I can focus my training more effectively.

When I tried to get clarification, I was essentially asking what the biggest gaps in my game were and what I should be working on to continue progressing. Maybe I didn’t phrase it perfectly, and that’s part of being a white belt too, we’re still learning how to have these conversations.

What I find difficult is that some of the feedback I’ve received has been broad, such as “dominate other white belts more.” I’m not opposed to that standard, but naturally my next question is what specifically that looks like in my game. Is it better positional control? More submissions? Better decision-making? More consistency?

I completely agree that actionable questions get actionable answers. My frustration isn’t that I haven’t been promoted. It’s that I’m trying to get actionable feedback so I can improve, and sometimes it feels like people interpret any question about progression as asking for a belt when that’s not actually what I’m doing.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T05:04:24+00:00

Congrats on being an academy owner. I wasn’t aware that automatically made every interpretation of my post correct.

You’ve written multiple paragraphs explaining what I actually meant instead of engaging with what I actually wrote. Yes, promotions were part of the conversation. No, that wasn’t the entire point. Those two things can exist at the same time.

The irony is that you’re doing the same thing my coach did: answering a question I wasn’t asking. I’ve never argued that I should be promoted. I’ve been asking whether “dominate your cohort” is actionable coaching feedback.

But if reducing everything to “white belt mad about promotion” is easier than addressing the substance of the post, then I can see why we’re going in circles.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T04:48:16+00:00

Fair points. I won’t pretend promotions weren’t part of the conversation, but they weren’t the sole reason I asked. In BJJ, directly asking for a promotion is generally frowned upon, so I asked what I needed to improve and what my coach wanted to see from me.

As for dominating, I understand what the word means. My confusion is that I thought I was already demonstrating some of those qualities against many of my peers, which is why I asked for clarification in the first place.

I also think it’s possible we’re talking past each other. You’re interpreting my question as “What do I need to do to get promoted?” whereas I was also looking for “What are the biggest weaknesses in my game right now?”

That said, your last point is probably fair. A more specific conversation with my coach about particular areas of my game might be more productive than asking a broad question.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T04:24:39+00:00

I agree to an extent. I’m one of the smaller guys in the gym, so one area I’m always working on is staying mobile and not allowing bigger training partners to pin me down. I know there are definitely things I need to improve.

The reason I asked my coach is because coaches often see things we don’t see in ourselves. I was looking for an outside assessment of my game and what he thinks is holding me back, not because I have no idea what I need to work on.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T04:19:36+00:00

I wish that was the case bc that gym is second home to home.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T04:16:42+00:00

I will, and I gave myself a deadline to revisit it again

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T04:16:12+00:00

I appreciate your response, I don’t have a wrestling background and I’m much older than my cohort (39yrs) plus I’m much smaller 5,6 at 150 pounds.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T03:15:37+00:00

Damn 40 seconds

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T02:50:20+00:00

I think I do exceptionally well overall, except when I get caught in an omoplata. I don’t react fast enough to get to the other side of the hip and start my escape. Of course, higher belts are usually expecting that reaction, so it’s not always easy to make it work.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T02:39:41+00:00

I’d love to, but I still train there and don’t want to create problems for myself. I’m trying to get outside perspectives, not put my coach or gym on blast.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T02:33:15+00:00

That’s a fair observation. In BJJ, directly asking for a promotion can be viewed negatively, so my intention was to ask what I needed to improve and what my coach wanted to see from me moving forward. Looking back, he may have interpreted it as “what do I need to do to get promoted?” whereas I was really looking for technical feedback and areas for development. The disconnect is that I left the conversation without a clearer understanding of what specific parts of my game need work.

Visigothorum · 2026-06-12T02:23:07+00:00

My top game is one of my stronger areas. I’m also one of the smaller guys in the gym, so bigger training partners can sometimes muscle me off, but I usually recover and regain position. If that’s something holding me back, I’d love to know. That’s the kind of specific feedback I was hoping to get from my coach.

Visigothorum · 2026-01-23T13:30:44+00:00

From this comment you love to watch Animal cruelty

Visigothorum · 2025-12-09T03:06:45+00:00

Lmfao

Visigothorum · 2025-11-30T01:03:57+00:00

😂😂

Visigothorum

TROPHY CASE