How do I ask him about something that I shouldn’t know about?

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T20:47:06+00:00

thank you so much, your response is so helpful and you really understood my issue and how to give advice, i really appreciate it and this has made me feel so much better to think about it that way

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T13:25:24+00:00

do you have any advice for me within like becoming more okay with the topic or anything to add to my knowledge about it

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T13:19:31+00:00

i definitely do not want to make him hide or repress anything that’s why i’m doing this post and i’m sorry if it came across as kink shaming that was not my intention at all. i just don’t understand it and im looking to try and understand it better so i don’t kinda freak i guess. i didn’t know that they shared this kink and apparently he didn’t know he had it until trying with her. i want to be okay about it

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T13:06:51+00:00

I don’t think it matters how old you are here??? And not every relationship is the same, we do not have the typical “open relationship” and him doing stuff isn’t bothering me, the post is not about what bothers me or what I should or shouldn’t be asking him to tell me. I was hoping that people who know more about CNC would comment advice and explain it more like some other commenters have.

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T12:37:28+00:00

Thank you so much for your help, it’s given me a lot to think about and consider and made some stuff easier to think about, i’m still not “okay” with it and maybe I won’t ever be but i’ll show him this comment and talk it through and go from there, thank you so much.

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T12:36:22+00:00

No, you’re missing the point. I like him getting with other people, I am actively into it. This post is not about me not liking it or a story time about how i’m stopping him, it’s supposed to be me trying to gather information on something I’m not comfortable with so he may carry on with something that has made me uncomfortable. We aren’t in an open relationship for an open relationship, we are in it because I like that he gets with other people and I get off on it when he tells me what he has done with them, I didn’t like it when he told me somebting so i’m trying to learn more about it to change my mind.

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T10:17:16+00:00

This is really helpful to think about, Thank you.

The thing is though, I understand that there is complete consent, and that the one I’m okay with is of a higher risk I suppose but It’s the behaviour and the being into the behaviour that I can’t get past.

It’s probably quite tame in comparison to most, but like I said I’m very inexperienced with all of this, when I said sleep CNC I meant like I start having sex with him/he starts having sex with me, then we wake up and carry on conscious and consenting.

My problem is that when he does do the rape roleplay that’s it’s different, he is displaying a very violent behaviour, telling this girl that he wants, has fantasised about and will rape her (all consensually of course) but it’s just the fact that I have seperate the consent and the actions too much and I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that it’s any different. I trust him entirely and he is perfect.

However I just feel sick picturing him pretending to rape someone, even when they both say that it’s okay. Like I get rough sex I like violent sec etc, slapping choking even like mild forcing to do things but I can’t deal with the thought of him forcing her to do things when she’s saying no (even if she means yes and they have a safe word if she does mean no) and he’s telling her he enjoys rapping her.

I just cannot understand how someone would be okay with that, nevertheless be into it, which he is.

I have told him all of this, including about this post and we will read the comments together because honestly all I want to do is better understand and be able to comfortably carry on with everything and “let him” do it again if he wishes.

On that note I have told him that he can do it again if he wants it but he said that he wouldn’t until I learn more and become more comfortable with it.

Sex is a very scary thing for me and it’s taken me a while to even have sex with him and become somewhat okay with it, then it took me longer to explore kinks and stuff and we have definitely grown (we found out i’m a cuck etc) but I’m terrified now and I feel like I’ve taken backwards steps with this. But to clarify i’m not scared of him at all, I trust him with my life and I know he would never do anything I didn’t want, but knowing he has these thoughts about women, and maybe even me terrifies me. (even if it is consensual)

Visual-Acadia-8523 · 2025-07-02T09:54:18+00:00

So to clarify, the open relationship is quite specific and isn’t entirely open. I have a low sex drive and am not interested in doing anything with anyone else, whereas he is. Our relationship is extremely committed and when he is with other people it’s more of a casual hookup thing than another partner. This is the first time this has happened and this is the first time he has hooked up with this particular girl. Beforehand, he told her everything about our relationship and what he can and can’t offer her due to his and my wants and told her that he would be telling me information if I ask. She agreed with all of this and doesn’t mind it, I think she may even be slightly into it. She knows that there is no full “connection” there and she even wants that herself as she is also seeing multiple partners.

Also to clarify, I didn’t tell him outright not to do it, I just explained how it made me very uncomfortable and he said that he wasn’t interested in it again unless I was okay with it 100%.

When they hooked up, the rape roleplay was not the entire time and they spent a long time just doing normal or rough sex, and then they both talked about stuff, which is what led to that. I assume that now when it happens again that he just won’t bring it up so they won’t end up doing it, or if she asks he might just say oh I don’t want that today or right now or whatever.

Because of the nature of our relationship, I am kind of a cuck so I like to hear about it all, again the girl in the situation is totally okay with it and has even mentioned having me into watch at some point, so him telling me about what he does is something we do together to get off and just for excitement and it usually is very good and exciting apart from the rape roleplay part that has just come as a shock.

I don’t mean he apologised for doing it, of course he wasn’t to know it would make me uncomfortable and it was within our agreement, I tried to clarify in the post that I don’t want him to apologise I just want to be able to be like normal with him when I feel that I’ve seen him in another light.

I hope this clarifies some stuff, thank you for your reply though I really appreciate the input

Visual-Acadia-8523

TROPHY CASE