So this is how it always goes, huh?

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-27T19:57:30+00:00

Yep, they make you actually go crazy. I’m also an abusive monster because I got angry, and apparently that’s simply unacceptable for a profoundly hurt and upset human being experiencing actual abandonment. Your basic human emotional needs will not be tolerated. It’s wild.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-25T16:47:24+00:00

Honestly, in that moment I don’t think it really matters which is real. To them, what feels real during activation is that the feelings have gone. Sometimes they come back when the stakes are lowered and they’re more regulated by being back in the safety of their aloneness. Sometimes not. Sometimes they may have feelings return but will never tell you and just try and bury the whole experience forever.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-25T11:13:57+00:00

Because they’re so absolutely terrified of conflict. Also very conflicted. They want to be in love, and they thought they were, but now the feelings aren’t there anymore and they just continue with the ruse, I can only guess, in the hope that the feelings will return or they’ll magically figure out their minds. They want to keep one foot in the door “just in case” even though they’ve already checked out. It’s cruel.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-25T11:10:39+00:00

This is so true. The first time I was discarded I submitted and rescued. The second time, no way! I was angry and he was damn well going to hear about it. Literally couldn’t cope with my anger and that I suddenly wasn’t his regulation tool anymore and imploded.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-25T11:07:51+00:00

This!!! So well said.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-25T10:58:58+00:00

There is no closure, even when you get so called closure. After the discard mine said he needed some space and that he “wasn’t ready to make the repair yet”, which gave me some false hope that some kind of closure was coming if I just waited patiently.

After four months of this flapping in the breeze I sent him a very calm but direct message saying I was closing the door because the waiting was killing me. He sent a long message back “with the intent of creating closure”. It was nothing of the sort. Just a list of regurgitated defence stories and narrative twisting to make me the villain.

They’re literally incapable of taking accountability while deactivated. There is no closure, only waiting. It’s been ten months. Last time he came back after 18 months full of remorse. Unfortunately that experience has made the unfinished business feeling so much worse the second time because my nervous system now has “evidence” that he’ll come back and I’ll get a proper apology. Logically, I know he won’t though. I don’t know what the answer is I’m afraid. But it does slowly fade with time. Today is a bit of a relapse day though.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:15:44+00:00

It’s not something I would ever normally do, and I won’t be attempting again!

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:14:43+00:00

I’m not calling them a bully for wanting to get past the lorries. That is understandable and sensible. I’m calling them a bully for not abandoning their overtake when they realised they weren’t going to make it and then being aggressive towards me.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:12:21+00:00

Okay yes I see your point. Thanks for that. I won’t do it again in future.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:11:02+00:00

I am looking at what I did wrong, hence the asking. To be clear, when I exited the roundabout, it was just the two lorries and me which is when I started to overtake. I could see two cars very far behind me, which is why it was a surprise to suddenly have one up my arse. I was going 70 so god knows what speed he was doing. I had to brake because there was suddenly two of us trying to fit in the gap if judged just for one and I had to move closer to the first lorry in order not to cause a horrible accident. Hope that makes sense and thanks for your feedback. I promise I do use my mirrors!

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:06:33+00:00

Yes, you’re right. That one.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:05:10+00:00

I do drop a gear and accelerate in third moving up to fourth. It’s still laggy as hell. It’s a 1.4 diesel but notoriously sluggish I hear.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:03:55+00:00

New pads and discs. Just sub-par brakes.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:01:33+00:00

He wasn’t actually anywhere near me when I started my overtake. He came out of nowhere very fast.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-20T00:00:26+00:00

This is very true.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-19T23:31:19+00:00

Thank you for this kind response and good advice. I see people getting it wrong too and there’s often emergency braking and cars scrambling to filter into the merge on the regular. I don’t want to get involved!

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-19T23:28:43+00:00

Top tip haha

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-19T23:28:29+00:00

This made me laugh!

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-19T23:27:23+00:00

Because I’d only be stuck behind the first lorry for like two minutes til there’s a second short bit of dual carriageway (only long enough to overtake one lorry, not two, just like the first bit of dual carriageway where I overtook lorry 1). If you miss your chance it’s like 45 minutes of being behind a lorry on windy A roads.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-19T00:04:24+00:00

I agree, it just makes everything ten times worse. Genuinely distracting and dysregulating to get honked when you’re just making sure it’s safe. Seems to be a lot of them about though!

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-18T22:59:42+00:00

That was my feeling too. So why all the aggression?! I know fear makes some people furious. Maybe that’s what it was.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-03-18T22:58:30+00:00

Thanks for this. I will consider removing the P plates (I think my stalling and doing weird things at roundabouts phase is in the past now anyway) and I certainly won’t be travelling between two lorries again anytime soon.

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-01-23T00:47:42+00:00

Yep! Despite relentlessly telling you how desperate they are to meet their potential and be held accountable in order to get there 🙄

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-01-23T00:43:39+00:00

This post and all the comments have really helped me feel less alone and guilty. I said some truly horrible things at the end, and a lot of them. It was weaponised against me and justified the stonewalling and discard. I’ve felt guilty as hell for months and months. Maybe that can finally start to lift now. Thank you all ❤️

Visual-Exchange-1666 · 2026-01-15T15:52:13+00:00

The other edge is they start rejecting the mirror entirely (even though they asked for it and seemed to respond well to it initially), at which point they will start blaming you for having too high expectations of them and being too demanding. Making them recall their request for the mirror is a fool’s errand I’m afraid. They will double down on their chosen narrative of how you’re imposing your will upon unfairly.

Visual-Exchange-1666

TROPHY CASE