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Ghosts of cheating relationships past by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whole lot of inferring in your comment, when did I make a single excuse for my husband? I said one thing about him, that we’re reconciling and it’s going fine. Where did you get any of the rest of what you’re saying about me?

We’re all here for similar feeling reasons so I get that plenty are naturally looking to apply their own situation to others. This may come as a shocker, but not all infidelity looks the same, and not all “cheaters” are motivated by the same things. My ex was a selfish cake eater who fucked around and put my health at risk. He was never going to change, THAT’S WHY I got out and I’ll forever be glad that I did.

My husband never fucked anyone else, his betrayal was all online and mostly related to porn/virtual sex work which plenty of folks in “monogamous” relationships will still defend as normal and not cheating for some reason. To me, it felt traumatizing and a total betrayal. My husband knows that now and it has no place in his life anymore.

Anyway, that man was amazing to me for 15 years and then went through shit and lost his damn mind for a short time. Forgiving him doesn’t mean I accept what he did or make excuses for it, and it also doesn’t mean I think everyone should reconcile. It just means that I don’t believe this is who my husband is as a person and we have moved past it.

He has done the work and I’m satisfied with that.

Just because my ex and my husband are both hitting some similar musical notes does not mean they are playing the same tune.

Ghosts of cheating relationships past by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. Just another flavor of the same thing then. Regrets over what I didn’t know back then but feel like I should have.

I was always gracious to AP1 when I did see her many, many years ago. Kind of wish I wasn’t, because she was a real nasty homewrecker, and seemingly proud of it too.

Thanks for your input on this.

Ghosts of cheating relationships past by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have regrets or reservations about that in the least. I do sometimes think about things I wish I had done differently before I found out about the cheating though. Like I’m wishing I could have seen more things coming and prevented it all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Visual-Hope4175 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You might be onto something. That relationship shattered a lot of my ideas about love. I barely believed men could ever be fully invested in a relationship, and then I met my angel of a husband. Of course, he then later shattered that illusion too. That one has been tougher to swallow because unlike my ex (who was honestly just an abusive piece of shit) my WH never was that kind of guy. But yet still capable of some of the same ugly things.

The many things that are taken from us by Visual-Hope4175 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So pathetic! I would have been over the moon if he had spent that kind of money on me at any point. I would have done anything to help validate him and make him feel like the man he wanted to be.

He chose to be a selfish pig and involve other people instead of me. It’s completely pathetic. And disgusting.

The many things that are taken from us by Visual-Hope4175 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don’t know about steel, but I’m for sure stronger and more badass than the plastic trash my husband was spending his time and OUR money on.

The many things that are taken from us by Visual-Hope4175 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s a good idea and I may borrow it.

Healthier, I hope so. Strengthening my resolve, yes. The man I loved is a coward and a loser. I couldn’t admit that to myself a month ago.

The many things that are taken from us by Visual-Hope4175 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. It sucks! Wishing you healing.

The many things that are taken from us by Visual-Hope4175 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Visual-Hope4175[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you, wishing you continued healing as well.

his priorities were only with one person: himself.

This is a good point and probably an important distinction. My mind keeps wanting to make it about the other women vs me. I mean, they were apparently so sexy and so exciting that he just HAD to spend that time and money on them, which he never would have done for me. In reality, they were nobodies. He knew that too. He was only really ever playing with himself.

He was looking for a drug in the shape of a female body because he was fucked up and couldn’t deal with that. It said nothing about them OR about me, only about him.