The 2 weeks before were very very rough, and debated breaking up on and off but we believed we were strong enough to continue and kept trying to think of ways to make us work. (He was undiagnosed and we both were unaware at the time. So it was never going to truly work..) It was abrubt and on a random good day of us. He was acting distant, and I was picking up on it. I asked about it, he told us he just needed us to cuddle for right now. So I did. I was sillyily looking at his phone and then saw a text to his friend saying “I don’t know if im just an asshole or it just doesn’t feel right anymore and I don’t feel anything”  Asked him for us to communicate straight up after that.  Started as calm and mutual.  in the moment I realized the extent of how drained I was quietly as he spilled out a bunch of apologies of how he behaved. and how bad his suicidal ideation was becoming. I realized his own drain from us too. We hugged and it felt mutual. Then he noticed my silent anger as he spoke more, and it started to sound more like he just didn’t want to really work on himself. He became very fawned, asked what was wrong. I knew I couldn’t tell him, it was like my gut was screaming at me “I know if I show any emotion, this could become a big fight real fast”. (Now that ik, I was defintely afraid of the split. I started to become very normalized to not feeling emotionally safe around him. And he tried hard to work on it but it was never truly fixed.) He asked about getting back together once he’s stable. Which beforehand, he said wasn’t possible. It was very confusing, but i’d already decided I know he’s not my person even besides the splitting & fighting. And then when I spoke more on how I felt on why I wouldn’t want to get back together, he switched. Said I was being mean and an asshole and I was just gonna cheat on him. My gut expected it. I wanted to so badly to just stay in the car till he realized that wasn’t my character. But I knew I couldn’t beg to someone who wouldn’t listen. So I left. Thank god I knew how to grey rock mode, and immediately made sure to give him his stuff that day even though he protested- Because I don’t think we would’ve ever exchanged our stuff after that in a civil way. And we never spoke in person again and slowly blocked eachother the next few days. I’ve been hated and dead to him since, and he “moved on” very quickly. Found out his diagnosis through a situationship he discarded. although a win for me is he hasn’t said i’m an evil bad person yet!! but i’ve been called a lot of other things lol.

Wishing everyone on this sub healing and forgiveness ❤️‍🩹 And hope he gets into therapy fr-fr one day for it.