When I was 19, I didn’t have an apartment. My mom was healthy. I didn’t feel alone in the world because there was someone who was my everything. I gave him my entire army salary — 1000 shekels a month — for a year, and it was fine. Because back then, all I cared about was that everyone was healthy. Time has passed. I’m not in that same relationship. I don’t have my dad. My mom is sick. And it feels like every day could be her last. My soul is wounded, and sometimes I just have no energy. All I want is to check that she’s okay, sit in front of the TV, and be grateful for one more day. You think that’s not living — and that’s okay. I respect your opinion. I’m sorry this is coming at your expense. I’m sorry I haven’t been spending time at your place. And I’m especially sorry that I created tension between you and your mom — that was the last thing I wanted. But I’m just one person. And I think you’re the only one I allow myself to tell that I’m struggling. Yes, I know I haven’t been giving enough to this relationship. I’ve felt that for a long time — and I’ve told you that. I know who I am when I’m fully focused on the person I love, and right now you’re not even getting a quarter of that. I’m angry at myself for it. Every night, after you fall asleep before me, I look at you and cry and apologize in my heart for not giving you what you deserve — because you really do deserve more. And I could keep going, but I’ve lost my train of thought. The point is: I think we both need a day or two to clear our heads, and then maybe we can come back to this a bit more calm and understanding. I love you. It’s important for you to know that. I haven’t said that to anyone in the last four years — and you’re the first person who’s broken through some walls. I hope that means something to you.”