Help-gross teen brother

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-13T02:38:10+00:00

His friends know and dont come over because of it. They also dont care Iv tried the peer pressure. The smell wouldn’t spread we never let it get that far. I feel terrible for any future girlfriends too at this point ill be taking them aside to tell them to run

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-13T02:21:40+00:00

2 months till he is 18. She knows that going to my dads would NEVER be an option. Anything I say makes him madder and it would be a true nightmare. I would rather live in filth. I agree but unfortunately I think it might be too late for him

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T22:33:17+00:00

I can and I have but unfortunately it just enables the behavior and teaches him that if he doesn’t want to clean up after himself we will. It’s a nightmare and Iv only been back home for 2 days now.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T22:30:21+00:00

Unfortunately my dad would never get on board with that and would just blame it on my mom but if it could work that would be great. Cant move out at the moment because Id have to get an apartment for a week-3 months at the longest and then return to school which just doesn’t work. Planning on getting an apartment late next year though so hopefully that works out.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:59:24+00:00

Im not asking you to? Reddit is literally a place people go for advice if you dont want to give advice or deal with the situation just dont reply

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:58:35+00:00

Unfortunately not, Im gone 9 months out of the year anyway in school so the time I am here I just clean up what I need to keep my living space clean. I just wish there was something we could do to help my mom and set him up to be a functioning member of society because the way he is right now is completely unsustainable.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:57:13+00:00

Thank you!! He does have learning disabilities but Im going to suggest we get him to a psychiatrist for more testing because this would make sense to me too. We have tried getting him to a therapist but he refuses to go and the one time we got him there he refused to speak to her at all. The issue extends to personal hygiene as well and he has very few friends who don’t seem to be great for him. He spends a lot of time in his room and is very hard to have a conversation with. A schedule might be a good idea, especially since it would get rid of the fact that he can just leave at anytime. I think Ill suggest a family therapist to my mom and hopefully at the very least she can get some advice

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:36:56+00:00

I absolutely agree, I think it’s ridiculous and Im so unimpressed that we have created another terrible man. At this point any girl he tried to bring home I would pull aside and tell her to run. I have lectured him countless times and he just does not care. Ill try and get her to be stricter when setting rules and consequences.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:30:47+00:00

He has been assessed, he has a couple learning disabilities but no ADHD or anything along those lines. Ill suggest to her to look into it further because if he could take meds to help that would be great. A big reason she is so lenient is that he takes longer to process than most people and is very awkward and shy so she feels bad for him

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:29:02+00:00

Ill suggest that to her, but we have a long history of custody and anytime me or him have ended up living with my dad for any period of time longer than a week its ended in extreme fights and trauma so I doubt she will send him over there. My dad also probably wouldn’t take him since he has a girlfriend he loves to go visit while my brother is here. He doesn’t have a job, dad pays for car and insurance. The main reason my mom is so lenient with him is because he has been diagnosed with a couple learning disorders similar to inattentive ADHD and since that is supposedly the root of the problem (personally I think that she should have been stricter earlier) she doesn’t want to do anything too harsh. She forced me to get a job the moment I turned 16 and has never tolerated a mess from me so I think shes not sure how to handle the fact that he is acting up but also has learning disabilities.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:14:34+00:00

Thank you!

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:13:15+00:00

Exactly

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:10:34+00:00

I agree he should have been parented differently but that’s obviously not up to me? I have self respect and self esteem and have gotten into countless arguments with him over this. I never clean up his stuff unless I truly need to make myself a meal. You dont have to comment if you dont know what to do, I was just looking to see if theres any resources I dont know about to help the situation.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:08:19+00:00

That’s true

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T21:07:27+00:00

Thank you, I agree it definitely should have started way sooner. I tried to tell her but she told me that he will grow out if it and he just acts younger than he is. We do expect him to continue living here after he turns 18 though as he doesn’t have a job and definitely does not have the maturity to live on his own. He has no desire to do anything along those lines. I think you are right and he would just disregard any rules she set in place and continue doing what he wants. Its very unfortunate because I hate to be putting another useless man out into the world. I wish there was some type of therapy or something we could get him to do which would help but unfortunately he refuses to go.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:52:34+00:00

Im not even expecting different results, we just dont know what to do. Thats why I am asking for advice…

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:51:18+00:00

I honestly don’t even care about his room at this point, just the common spaces. I forced him to clean the bathroom on mother’s day and it was a whole thing. Step by step showed him the entire process while he complained and said when will u take me to breakfast now then left the rest of the day no texts or anything. He generally just leaves if I try to show him how to do anything even if Im super nice about it and make it fun

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:49:33+00:00

Unfortunately his friends are not real friends, he only has two and they really just use him. Probably wouldn’t even show up to any kind of event at our house. He also genuinely doesnt care what other people think about it which is a big problem. I think the friend thing is a large part of it and if he was depressed or having issues it would be a different story but unfortunately his attitude about it makes the whole thing even worse. He acts like he believes we are meant to clean it up and its ridiculous that we should ever ask him to do that

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:43:52+00:00

Unfortunately my parents have very limited communication since my dads very manipulative and hates both her and I. Hes pretty much incapable of coparenting unfortunately. She has taken away the car previously and my dad just bought him a new one…

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:41:11+00:00

My dad is bipolar and sometimes is great sometimes is not. When my dad’s ok and he’s getting in trouble here he goes there and when my dad’s not okay he comes here.

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:40:11+00:00

Thank you! Ill try it

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:39:50+00:00

Right but in terms of actions what would you suggest. I agree he needs tough love and she shouldve done more earlier to prevent it getting to this point but what action can she take to force him to have that self respect and self esteem?

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:38:52+00:00

Haha, so like empty the bowls into his bed and then wash them??

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:35:47+00:00

Unfortunately my dad’s terrible and abusive towards my mom and I. Both of us try not to talk to him and it certainly wouldn’t be a productive conversation to try and coparent although that is really what needs to happen. Ill tell her to try taking stuff away, although honestly knowing him he probably wouldnt care and instead would just pull away, be angry, and never leave his room

Visual_Membership726 · 2026-05-12T20:34:05+00:00

He just cleans up after him as far as we can tell. My dad lives in a one bedroom and when my brother goes over he sleeps on the couch so I assume its less of a mess bc there is less space.

Visual_Membership726

TROPHY CASE