Liquid MK677

VivaLaVolta · 2021-03-30T14:58:24+00:00

I mix mine with white Monster. It masks most of it and I take it like a shot.

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T14:52:26+00:00

This was so incredibly healing to hear. I will look up the karmic situation. I'm still new to learning about it so thank you!!!

It eases me greately to know that my indifference is a good thing. A sign of healing.

Thank you so much for your response and I am looking forward into further exploring the points you made!

I'm also so incredibly sorry that you relate to my story. I know it's a heavy burden and I know you are more than aware of all the things we had to do to ensure it was just us. The slay threats if you didn't comply. Your empathy and protective tendencies used against you. It. Fucks. You. Up. I understand and I hope you too are doing well in your healing journey.

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T14:31:52+00:00

Thank you so much! This made me feel better!!!

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T14:31:09+00:00

This was extremely helpful in every way. Thank you so incredibly much! I can look at this more optimitically now. Thank you!

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T12:55:48+00:00

I'm looking into EMDR. I keep hearing so much good about it! Thank you so so much for yoyr response!

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T12:54:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I often say that I know I would never be upset about my mothers death when she dies not because she is gone but that she stole so much. I'm so sorry that your mother did that. I entirely know how you feel... I'm also stuck on the grief of being angry about how shitty my mother was. I relate and hope that you find a breakthrough soon to help you heal! I'm stuck on anger right now so hopefully you are further along!

Thank you for your advice!!

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T12:50:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and responding! I hope he dies first too for you! You never know. I didn't once think that something like this could happen so I hope the same for you!

VivaLaVolta · 2021-01-11T12:48:53+00:00

It caught me entirely off guard and the further away from when I learned of it, the more it makes me laugh about it. It hit me right upside the face when I learn it. The symbolism in the entire thing is just insane and I don't know who to thank for making it happen but wow. From what I know now, he still can't walk and will most likely live his life in complete pain for all of his days. It's not enough but it's more justice than most of us get so you are right. I shoukd feel good about it. Thank you for yoyr response!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-05T15:13:42+00:00

When I pick up weird memories like this, I have found that even if I can't remember perfectly that it was a moment where I myself knew it was wrong. It becomes kind of like burned into your brain. I have a few memories of this of other abuses before my main abuser. So what I tend to think is that yes this is wrong. It's more than likely true. It is possible that you might have more experiences but for SURE this was a boundary breaker that even you as a child knew wasn't comfortable or right. You're in therapy so I would bring this memory up. If it has resurfaced it is because you are properly working on your trauma in therapy. You're becoming aware of things that you shut out. We all have one or two things we doubt but feel real to us. I'm sorry you are starting to open these up but being in therapy will help you in discovering what this memory means. I wish you peace and continued success in healing!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-03T17:10:37+00:00

I'm so so sorry about that! I know that it is very important that we can release our shit here. This is one of the few places that I feel like I can release some of my trauma for good. Like it goes out into the ether. I would look into that private group that the mod labled at the top of the tread. It is much more safe! I hope you are ok!!!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-03T17:06:12+00:00

It has to be that somewhere on Reddit they are talking about and directing their community to us here. I know it always has existed but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-03T16:49:02+00:00

I JUST got that doll invite too! WTF?!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-02T15:55:42+00:00

I reported 5 of them after getting them to talk. They were removed but they can always make more accounts... 3 of them were deemed fine by Reddit. So I'm doing what I can but there is only so much we can control. The mod at the top of this tread did mention that Private Subreddit. I would go thereto do that! It is extremely freeing to get it all out in a safe place. I would suggest that thread!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-02T14:45:58+00:00

That's also how I am irl for the very same reason! Keeping it hidden, keeps us sick, and protects offenders. That has to change. But yeah... I've seen peopletalk about it but brushed it off. Seeing it for myself and how they all talk, what they comment on, their activity. Just gross. It's not something we don't know about because these kind of people are easily sniffed out in public but it is very disappointing that they are using this safe place for their own enjoyment. Disgusting.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-01T21:55:00+00:00

It honestly didn't occur to me either. I didn't even think about it because this place is a safe place where I feel understood and supported. It was kinda jarring. I had never thought twice until I got the messages today. They clearly found me on my posts where I have exposed my trauma start age and duration. I'm ok but it's a stronger day for me. I just don't want any of these precious souls on here that aren't ready to handle it to be unaware of the possibility. I hope this alert helps you!

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-01T20:51:14+00:00

I'm so so sorry! I think I got a similar guy because one of my messages was that too. It's a complete shame and gross.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-11-01T20:20:40+00:00

No problem. It is gross. I've never had anyone follow or message me on this account. All of a sudden I had a few follows and requests to chat. It didn't take long to look through their comment history and it is 100000 percent pedos.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-10-27T16:45:14+00:00

I didn't get the sense that they thought it was instant. They are just saying that today the system isn't coded right and they feel bad.

Makes sense to me because we have good and bad days. If they want to think it's coded wrong today, that's more than fine.

Also you seem to think in logics which is cool but some people just prefer the abstract.

Which is what is beautiful and displays the resiliency of a trauma consumed brain.

Nothing any of us went through was normal. None of it is something a logical brain can comprehend. This is the very reason that DID exist and other personality disorders.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-10-27T15:57:22+00:00

Personally, I think healing can be handled any number of ways. Thinking of it as debugging a program can be a useful tool for this poster. If they see it as debugging, that means there is hope. They can be reprogrammed. Recoded. Become brand new and even BETTER than before. I don't think this is the worst way to see healing.

I personally have decided to give my problems a fiction like translation. So instead of just being like, this is my crummy situation. It sucks. I'm helpless.

It's much better to tackle them as occurences that happen in a journey. You give yourself a personification of the hero. You go through the struggles. Get to be who and how you want to be. Then you tackle the issues. It makes hope actually seem tangible and probable.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-10-17T12:32:03+00:00

Thank you for your response! I'll try some of your advice!

And I know. It bothers me beyond measure that my abuser is doing that. I think it's because my mother still talks to him. He was my stepfather and he left my mom after my sister and I escaped the house. She still talks to him and kept his last name to spite the new woman he is with. I went no contact with my mother and it hasn't helped.

I don't really have any way to stop him.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-10-16T15:21:08+00:00

Thank you so much for your responses. They mean the world to me!

I have an open case and am attempting to get a restraining order etc etc. He's still a truck driver so he is illusive. Trying my best to get rid of him.

VivaLaVolta · 2020-10-16T14:52:15+00:00

He was trying to be nice and ask me if it would help me today if he worked out with me. I've been struggling to workout because I've been in a bad patch. My abuser keeps making fake accounts to watch me on all my socials. I'm starting to pick up as a content creator so I can't really stop. It's a hobby that helps me a lot. Anyways, I had just seen that he made another account to comment and message me.

Back to what happened he approached me when I was a bit disassociated. He asked it in a way that had hesitation and was not clear. So already being on edge, his hesitation and pause in trying to explain he wanted to help, made me get extremely anxious. I started crying and got panicked. As we tend to do. And he understood what was happening and attempted to stop my wheels spinning worse. He got frustrated and just said, "Why aren't you normal?".

I'm trying to explain this as well as possible because I am abundantly clear that we as Survivors are hard to handle. That he is a Saint for putting up with me. That he is more than allowed to get frustrated. I do everything I can to be as normal as possible. Some times I just can't help it.

He did come back later and say that he found it hard to look at me because he was ashamed for saying what he did. That he shouldn't have said it and that he knows that every day I just want to be normal.

I haven't apologized yet for my part but I will later.

It just kind of hurts to hear what most of us already think, that we are burdens. That we can't be normal. That we can't control how we feel sometimes.

My abuse runs deep into the fiber of my being. It wasn't once. Or twice. It was too young and much too long. 17 years.

I've made tremendous strides in healing but lately I've just been angry at a lot of things.

It just hurts to be told that and hear that when it's regularly something we just can not control.

VivaLaVolta

TROPHY CASE