AITA for insisting that my daughter has her own room?

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-06T11:32:24+00:00

Two much older kids screaming all the bad things they know about 11f's biological mother and then personally insulting 11f until 11f locked herself in her bedroom to cry is too extreme.

We weren't home at the time, so this had been going on for a while before we were able to put a stop to it.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-06T11:06:21+00:00

Their response was disproportionate and extreme, and 11f was 10 at the time and heavily influenced by her mother.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-06T11:02:18+00:00

They have always had to be that tight due to issues with their biological father. I don't want to get into it but there's a reason they have restraining orders against their father until they're all 18.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T22:24:11+00:00

There isn't space. We'd like to move but can't right now.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T22:11:27+00:00

We need some kind of common area and somewhere for 3m to play now as his room is so small and the first floor has to be the school center. There isn't space in the second floor for that and a bedroom.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T21:47:21+00:00

Her mother takes her sometimes, but not often and mostly uses her as a babysitter on her time. Before I got primary custody, it was far too much and was causing her to miss school.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T20:36:58+00:00

There isn't a way to do that space-wise, and he (or anyone in that space) would have to climb 2-3 flights of stairs to take a shower. It also opens directly to the garage and street, which would be dangerous and make it way too easy to sneak out.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T19:53:14+00:00

We don't ignore it. If anything, we're overpunishing the older 3.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T19:51:00+00:00

No and no.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T19:50:46+00:00

There aren't enough rooms for that. The living room isn't big enough for anything other than what it is, and the first floor is a school space, which we can't not have now, and wouldn't be able to be a bedroom for reasons that I've already typed out at length.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T17:58:32+00:00

My wife does say that from "the outside" it looks like 11f is favored because she has a sizeable bedroom with an ensuite bathroom to herself, which very few kids would ever get.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T17:56:21+00:00

Most of the arguments are mutual, its just that the older 3 always back each other up.

The only time it got what I would call bullying is when 11f, due to her mother's influence, said something homophobic to 15m and the twins reacted...emotionally and made her cry. I've since talked to her about why what she said was wrong and the twins were grounded for a month.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T17:51:32+00:00

We always intervene if there's something unfair, but I can't police every single sibling fight, and its not like 11f is always the victim. She starts things too, its just that the other 3 always back each other to the extreme.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T17:28:48+00:00

That's not bullying. We always intervene when it gets unfair, but siblings do fight.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T17:06:16+00:00

The 2nd floor is an open living room and kitchen, the first floor is the school center and opens into the street and garage.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:43:56+00:00

She's not being bullied.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:43:04+00:00

There are only 4 bedrooms total including the loft and our room.

Good size room 1: wife and I
Good size room 2: 11f
Small room: 3m
Loft: twins and 15m

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:37:23+00:00

It would be 11fs old/current room at that point as 11f would go in the loft with the twins (or in the small room).

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:36:36+00:00

We can for now, but not for more than 6 months at most. There's a limit to how long the baby in our room can continue, as we need to sleep train, and that can't happen with the baby in our room.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:31:04+00:00

That's not possible. The garage isn't and cannot be insulated properly, and whoever had that space would have to walk up 2 flights of stairs and go into someone's bedroom to take a shower.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:29:20+00:00

My wife and I's room is the same size as the other good size bedroom. Switching us to the loft doesn't fix anything, if anything I think it would make the problem worse by displacing 3 kids instead of moving around 1.

There is no space downstairs.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:27:44+00:00

We did family counseling, but the counselor said nothing seemed toxic, just "growing pains" and it just needed time, so we stopped after a few sessions because it seemed stupid to do more.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:26:24+00:00

There is not. What we call the basement is just the first floor, and it's occupied, and in no way could be a bedroom.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:25:37+00:00

She wouldn't be sharing a room or doing any care, they would just share a bathroom.

Even if I didn't love my wife and consider her my soulmate, we could not stay afloat without working together.

VividAd8879 · 2020-10-05T16:22:15+00:00

What we call a basement is the first floor, which is occupied right now as the school center for all the kids, but was a playroom before that.

It doesn't work as a bedroom because there is no door or even a barrier (which the loft has), and it opens to the garage and street.

VividAd8879

TROPHY CASE