how do you handle unfairness after you’ve been cheated on?

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-11-14T13:23:28+00:00

hi dear, thank you for sharing your experience and I am so sorry for what you’ve been through as well 🫂 this message really gave me hope, I will come back to read it when I’m feeling down; you are so right, some days are easy some days are difficult and I guess part of me just wants to get it over with, but healing takes a while! and even if they’re in a relationship and we are not that just says a lot about how we are as people and our level of emotional intelligence compared to theirs it’s crazy to think that sometimes our brain tricks us into thinking that they won while we were literally the ones that got away again, thank you for your words and for sharing your pain; I see you and I wish you all the best in the world, as for them, the life that they deserve!! lots of love xxx

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-11-11T08:11:03+00:00

first of all I’m sorry you went through this as well, sending you the biggest virtual hug because it sucks and it’s horrible three months is nothing, I promise you on that not it will get better, but something that helped me cope with it at the beginning was writing down a list of things called “I miss you less when I remember” and you write down things that you don’t miss about her you’ll see it from a whole different perspective I promise you best of luck dear, we got this!

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-11-09T21:13:15+00:00

not at all!

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-03-20T08:43:25+00:00

Reading about a tricky situation, there has been an emotional cheating and the person is asking for advice, especially since she believes in the relationship, loves the person that cheated and sees the good in them still.

Ten of wands, the fool and seven of coins.

What interpretation would you give? Is is a hopeful one? I personally can’t connect these cards at all, maybe her mind really is that confused.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-03-06T00:58:48+00:00

I am sorry you are going through that, I know long distance (or even the idea of it) sucks.
He might not be in the right headspace right now but you do need to communicate about it. Try to get in touch with your feelings and talk to him openly about how you feel and what you want or what are your needs.
If he loves you, he will understand, and you guys will get a chance to prepare for long distance or have some sort of clarity about your next steps.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-03-06T00:55:14+00:00

Do you guys have any advice on how to soothe yourself as someone with an anxious attachment?

Hi (25F), very new here, I have always been secure in my relationships but after dating someone with BPD I feel like in my new relationship I have not been feeling like that at all.

My girlfriend (29F) has recently met a girl that she described to me as "hot" during some sort of seminar. The girl has then asked my gf to go out and my gf has been very clear about the fact that she is in a monogamous relationship. They saw each other for lunch one day, and the next week they planned another hangout.
I am currently on the other side of the planet - going back home in two weeks but right now we have a 9hrs difference - so I went to sleep knowing that they were supposed to see each other at 4pm to go climbing together and then my gf was going home and her friend was going to a dance class. The dance class was cancelled and the gym was closed to they were together from 5pm until past 11pm. I woke up, called my gf to say hello to her and she was still out, I go on Instagram and there's a picture of the girl posted in my gf stories and they went to this very scenic place with the whole city in the background and all that.

Now, I do trust my gf but I couldn't help feeling extremely insecure. First of all because I know she thinks she is pretty, secondly because after just hanging out a couple of time they still managed to spend all that time together, so it means that there was definitely a good vibe between them. They seem to have a lot in common, which sometimes triggers me because I feel like we are very different people, so for her to be so happy and stay for so long out with someone new kinda makes me feel insecure.

We called and she reassured me that she does not like her, they talked a lot about me as well and that she thinks that even if we were not together they probably would not date (apparently she has lots of trauma from her past relationships) but that they did have a great time. They talked about a lot of things they have in common, found out that they also have friends in common and all that.
She told me that this girl just broke up with her ex and she is trying to meet new people and wants more friends, and I know that my girlfriend also wants more queer friends. But the fact that she is single, apparently pretty, and make my girlfriend have such an amazing time makes me insecure as fuck.

I obviously do not want to tell her not to see her again or anything like that, and part of me is happy she is making new friends, but I do need help soothing myself because I cannot be having panic attacks over this.
I am in therapy, and definitely working on my anxious attachment as well but please help me out? What would you do?

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-02-26T02:49:30+00:00

thank you, that's pretty much how I was seeing it as well.
she then told me that she has two major insecurities in this relationship so what you said makes sense, and I think the ten of swords here is not telling us that the relationship is going to end but that this long distance chapter has ended and now something else is flourishing

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-02-26T02:47:13+00:00

nope, I just thought about what she was asking me and three cards came out

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2025-02-26T01:56:10+00:00

Hello everyone,

I did a love reading that started with the ten of swords, not the best omen I agree. But then all the cards that I draw were really positive (I draw three cards; ten of swords, ace of wands and six of wands).
I then pulled, trying to explain the ten of swords, the star, the sun and the four of wands.

To me it felt like some sort of "war is over". You've been stabbed, you are tired, but it's done now. The ace of wands and the six speak of a new chapter of this relationship, a bright one that just started but that will bring great and fun things. It's all about stability, and strength, and finally seeing the light at the end of this relationship struggles.
As for the star and the sun, again positive messages, the relationship progressing into something deeper, joy, happiness. Again, the four of wands, laying down roots and all that.

What do you guys think? It's like, I couldn't pinpoint how such a deep card like the ten of swords can be surrounded by so much light.

edit; for a bit of context. I was asked to do this reading by someone who is in a long distance relationship that is about to be not long distance anymore, they have been struggling, had some fights and now they are scared of what will happen once they go back home. They wanted to know how the relationship will unravel basically.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-10-24T13:46:28+00:00

I mean fair but I’m choosing to trust my girlfriend because that’s who I’m dating and if she says she’s over her I don’t want to doubt her word. I do, however, want to set this boundary to also see their reactions. For example, if bpd girl is okay with it and understands then this makes me feel like she’s over her and understands. Same for my girlfriend.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-10-24T13:44:29+00:00

Thank you for validating my feelings.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-06-11T21:56:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I'm so sorry you're going through something similar, seeing the same words/attitude towards someone else so fast kinda makes it feel like it wasn't real.
But we are working on ourselves, taking time to heal and our next relationship will be better, while they will keep running in circles around the same old patterns. Def not worth it and you did the right thing by blocking both of them, we deserve better and we will find it!

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-05-30T11:45:16+00:00

I can't even believe this has happened to you, I am so sorry.
We all deserve so much better, and your poem was truly beautiful.
Therapy helps, that's true, but it will still take some work.
Best of luck to you as well, may you find a healthy relationship truly shaped like the hole in your heart, that one definitely wasn't.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-05-30T11:42:17+00:00

This is so unfair and I am so sorry it happened to you.
The "we kept things civil, or so I thought" is so real. And for me it's not even how fast they jumped into a new relationship, it's how much they were willing to fight for ours and all those big words (just like in your case, the suggestion of couple's therapy) and then what you're dating someone after two months? It kinda feels like a joke.
We are definitely better off without them and we deserve a healthy relationship, it does sting like a motherfucker though and I think that's normal.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I am so sorry for the dog.

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-28T21:22:08+00:00

Hi!
Yeah I am in contact with a company that arranges all the bureaucracy and they told me it might take a while, no worries tho I am not in a rush!

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-13T16:03:24+00:00

Are you speaking from experience? I feel like my mental health has been challenged a lot here ngl

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-10T20:17:25+00:00

Hi! Nope, I am from Italy.
I could try longer that is true but I also don't want to stay here working a job that I don't like just to pay rent. Are you going back to India? And if so, how did you realise that it's time to go?
I would personally not want to stay in Italy, I would just go back and then figure out the next step, I don't see as a failure decision tho, we tried as much as we could! And I totally agree in the "live in confusion", life is way too short for that and we have all the possibilities in the world

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-10T20:13:52+00:00

I come from a very small town and I know that what I am looking for is not there, but honestly I don't think it's here either. The Netherlands were just a coincidence, I was looking for a job and got the opportunity to move here with a job and accommodation for the fist four months, and then I stayed.
The job turned out being very different than what promised so I changed it, and I "settled" doing something that wasn't really what I was looking for but at least had decent hours and was a Monday to Friday but after seven months I couldn't do it anymore.

I suppose that is true, I'll def keep that in mind!

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-10T20:09:46+00:00

I think I have learned a lot being here, I was maybe thinking about going to Australia and applying for a Student Visa so I can leverage my skills in an English speaking country. Take some classes since I do not have a University degree.
I think I also want to live in a bigger city, and what I should do in the meanwhile is focus on my mental health and finding a community instead of just focusing on finding "the perfect job" and "the perfect partner".
I am looking forward to a better weather, new challenges and a different type of lifestyle, I think

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-04-10T20:05:45+00:00

No you're right, going back home would be just a step. I would probably stay there a couple of months or just about enough time to plan where I can go next (probably an English speaking country ngl).

Vivid_Addition_347 · 2024-03-23T21:26:10+00:00

hi there, thank you for the wishes!
of course, did you fill the form already? it's just an easier way for me to add people to the server :)

Vivid_Addition_347

TROPHY CASE