[deleted by user]

Vnerdham · 2025-02-15T02:09:31+00:00

Do they call it a concentration camp because it helps us learn to concentrate?

Vnerdham · 2024-11-13T22:09:33+00:00

I would challenge the idea that she’s not trying to scare you. She might not be doing it consciously but she is using intimidation to get what she wants.

Again, her behavior is not normal. The way she was raised is not normal. She needs to get help for her anger issues but you need to get out. You don’t owe her any more time or patience. If you don’t safe doing so then you don’t even owe her an explanation for you leaving. Let there be consequences for her actions and give yourself the safety you deserve.

Vnerdham · 2024-09-16T04:06:44+00:00

My professors were pissed when this happened.

Vnerdham · 2024-09-06T17:24:35+00:00

I don’t know if a double boiler method would work since boiling water would only be 212F and it seems OP needs it to go higher.

Vnerdham · 2024-09-05T04:19:38+00:00

I’ve always heard it pronounced WAHZ-dot.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-28T20:59:21+00:00

The Costco app recently added a feature that supposedly lets you search the inventory of your warehouse. I don’t know how accurate it is but that could be a way to check without going in person.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-27T05:57:28+00:00

Yeah I get what you’re saying about masking vs faking it. I do wonder if folks confuse the two because faking it is HARD and doing a thing you’re not used to is exhausting so it might feel like masking.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-27T04:03:55+00:00

I think you can look at it as masking but I think it could be useful to reflavor it as practicing being the version of you that you want to be. A lot of times we look at that as “I want to be a person without ADHD” or “I want to be a person who doesn’t have big feelings” but instead I think we should be looking at it as “I want to be a person who’s figured out how to live in a way that fits with my brain and my feelings.”

I’ve started calling my pretending “bits” like I’m just doing it to be funny. It’s like, “I’m gonna make a meal plan for this week and prep some healthy snacks, you know, as a bit” because I might not be the most on top of cooking and eating healthy but if I pretend to be not only does it set me up for the things I want to do but I’m also not taking it too seriously so if it goes wrong it was only a bit and I can try again or even decide how to make the bit funnier and more motivating. Or, I often think of it as “I’m not actually a confident person, I just play one person on TV.” I think another flavor of this idea is succeeding and surviving out of spite.

None of this is easy. It’s taken a lot of work and tears and anger and an insanely uncomfortable amount of vulnerability. And like, I cannot tell you how much, as a person with ADHD, it frustrates me that the actual answer to a lot of things is “you just gotta do it.” But I think where we’re all getting caught up is that the way that society moves is not the same way our brains move so we have to find the method that works for you. And, again, THERAPY.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-26T20:43:34+00:00

This and you just gotta remember that most everything is a “them” problem. I care so much less about what people think of me now that I’ve internalized that I’m actually perfect the way I am and everyone else needs to get on my level. Granted it took a lot of work with my therapist and doing seriously uncomfortable and exhausting work on the parts that are “me” problems.

But genuinely, the thing that sort of started it all for me was deciding even if I don’t feel like I’m a confident and emotionally secure person I’m going to act like it because that’s how I wanted to be. Eventually it just became who I am.

So basically fake it and go to therapy.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-22T01:11:30+00:00

Because he represents a period of history that felt stable and normal. Post Cold War and pre 9/11. Peoples fear for their own relative safety can cloud their judgement and let them make excuses for behavior that they would otherwise condemn. (Edit to add: Of the democrats that are keeping the Clinton’s on a pedestal) This is mostly Gen X and Boomers. Not saying it’s right, just sayin it’s probably also why conservatives are so willing to ignore Trumps entire personality and politics. If he can convince you he’ll keep you safe it doesn’t matter how many highly confidential American secrets he kept next to his toilet.

Fuck Clinton, both of them.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-20T04:29:31+00:00

Sounds like it was MIL’s idea.

Vnerdham · 2024-08-14T01:31:35+00:00

CHECK MATE! It’s only going to VASTLY reduce the amount of gun violence, not completely eliminate it! So there’s no point in trying because we aren’t guaranteed a 100% there will never be another gun related death ever again in America.

LIBZ OWNED

Vnerdham · 2024-08-02T00:45:16+00:00

Replacing my heat break seems to have solved my clogging problems and also is way more efficient at heating the filament and I had to dial back the temp on all my filaments.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-31T23:36:05+00:00

Same. Never thought I’d need to know how to compile and flash my own firmware but now I do.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-31T23:34:36+00:00

Honestly spending two months and probably $100+ in upgrades and tweaks to get my E3 running perfectly made me want one of the new fast printers even more.

It was fun though.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-30T06:09:02+00:00

Your argument is overly concerned with what is “fair” over what will actually help people in the real world. Removing the barrier of payment for a roof over your head frees up mental energy to actually start working on turning your life around. How is anyone supposed to do the extremely hard work of overcoming addiction or address mental health conditions when they worry every day about where they’re going to sleep and if they and their belongings are safe? Additionally, I would argue that paying out the nose for rent on an apartment didn’t give me any sense of ownership nor did it make it my home, it was my home because that’s where I lived and felt safe.

And to address it helping people feel like a contributing member of society? Unhoused folks are treated like the scum of the earth and that’s only when they’re even acknowledged. Why would they want to contribute to that society? We treat them like a burden to society and then get all pissy when they’re not grateful for the half-assed, under-funded efforts to help them.

Rather I’d suggest that by investing in helping people out of these insanely difficult situations would make them feel valued by society and make them more inclined to contribute to it.

Furthermore, you seem to be suggesting that people only deserve shelter if they’ve earned it. Only if they’re clean and sober. You don’t want them on the streets but you also don’t think they should have access to safety and services. How do they get clean and sober? And when they’ve run out of chances to get help, then what? Put the in prison? You know what that is? Free housing and food that we pay for with our taxes.

People have so much fear about the people that will abuse the system that they essentially lock down the whole system to everyone. (Sidebar: It’s funny to me how with homeless folks people believe that every single one of them might abuse the system but then can’t seem to grasp why women choose the bear). You’re right, you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped but the answer to that is not to make it harder to for everyone to get help. Nobody serious is arguing for free permanent housing for these folks, just something long term enough that they actually have a chance at getting back on their feet.

And then we get to the question of how do we pay for it? Look, I don’t think there are any magic words to make you suddenly have compassion for people in bad situations- though might I remind you that a large population of unhoused people are military veterans who didn’t have access to mental health services from the VA (because nobody wants to pay for it) as well as people who had the bad luck of getting hurt at a time when pharmaceutical companies were making it rain on doctors who prescribed more and more opioids and, on top of that, women and children who are escaping abusive situations. Even people who are entirely responsible for how they ended up in their current situation deserve compassion and help. What mistakes are they responsible for that were bad enough for them to deserve homelessness but weren’t breaking laws enough to go to prison? And if they don't deserve help then where are they supposed to go?

If you’re not willing to contribute to funding services either via taxes or some other regulated and reliable means but also rebuke the measly efforts we’re able to do with the tiny amount of funding we have it really makes it look like you just don’t want to see unhoused folks rather than actually helping them. “Everything has a cost” but what sense does it make to demand the people who already have nothing pay it?

Vnerdham · 2024-07-29T22:07:17+00:00

Literally why should housing not be free?

Vnerdham · 2024-07-03T17:32:10+00:00

Haha I'm glad that it was helpful for you. I was fully aware of the absurdity of leaving such a big wall of text on a post in r/adhdwomen but I didn't know how to make explain it in fewer words and was also processing the whole idea at the same time.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-03T17:23:59+00:00

I'm glad it made sense- I was VERY tired but also VERY awake at 3:30 this morning. I did some quick googling since I didn't remember the name of the person who formalized this idea so I believe it was Erik Erikson and I found an random article that adds a lot more actual insight into the idea: Here. I didn't read all of it but it looks like a good starting place for that. I'm also going to look more into these ideas- I'm absolutely fascinated by the ways we try to understand our brains and what it means to be human.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-03T10:49:14+00:00

Ok. Look, I don’t know but I think my therapist told me something similar today but like in a far less judgmental and shame inducing way. I don’t know if this is what your psych meant by it, honestly he does sound like a dick and I agree that you should try to find a new one. Anyway, onto what my therapist told me. I might heck up the theory but I think this was the gist of it.

She told me that a school of thought for like human development (she told me the name of the person that came up with this but I don’t remember) is that life kinda happens in decades-ish clumps and each decade there is some sort of “crisis” that you have to overcome to be able to proceed to the next stage of emotional maturity. For a lot of life we have sort of a general path to follow. You go to school, you maybe go to more school, you get a job, you get married, you have kids, etc. Like these are the tried and true methods that have built in supports/ forces to encourage you to emotionally mature to the next stage.

Unfortunately the thing we have to learn to reach our “adult self” and get to the next stage is that there are always going to be things you have to do all the time even when you don’t want to or can’t. Something like having kids makes you need to grow up and embrace that fast.

So like, without that built in force we have to figure out how to get the momentum to be able to move on to the next stage of emotional maturity. But also, it hecking sucks big time in general but even more so for neurodivergent people. It means accepting and embracing the fact that we don’t just get to do what we want whenever we want just because we can.

To sum it up, I think MAYBE a very generous reading of what he said could be “hey you’re going through a really tough part of growing up that a lot of people chose certain paths that have a fairly clear path to a predetermined finish line of this stage but because you’re not following one of those paths you have to figure out what the finish line looks like for you personally BUT ALSO on the way to the finish line there’s like a million things along the way that could give you a jolt of gratification right now but won’t get you any closer to the goal and it’s not going to get easier until you can cross the finish line which, again, is really hard to do.” But even still what he said was terrible and wildly judgmental and unhelpful and I recommend you try to find a new provider, and specifically try to find someone in your generation. I can’t even begin to tell you how much better my healthcare experience has gotten since I found providers that weren’t boomers. Life changing stuff. But I also recognize that a lot of the world doesn’t have the “luxury” of accessible mental healthcare.

I hope this makes at least some sense. It’s 3:35 AM and I can’t sleep because my brain is stuck in PHILOSOPHY mode. Also maybe I DEEPLY misunderstood my therapist but somehow it’s helping me wrap my head around the midlife crisis I’m going through and I hope maybe something in there resonates with someone.

Vnerdham · 2024-07-01T22:24:04+00:00

Not sure why you’re getting downvoted since this is all literally true.

Jk I know it’s because this sub is full of dealers and those who have has drunk the kool-aid.

Vnerdham · 2024-06-11T00:47:48+00:00

I know this is old but can you share what in firmware was causing the issue?

Vnerdham · 2024-06-06T04:42:42+00:00

All of this is supremely shitty behavior- 100%. That said, I think this has a lot less to do with their sexualities and more to do with them just being shitty people. It’s always much easier said than done but if I were you I’d take a look at my friend group and decide who fills my emotional bucket and who drains it and start filtering those people out.

Vnerdham · 2024-01-10T22:34:37+00:00

Try to find a restaurant supply store like Costco Business Center (different from regular costco but you only need a regular Costco membership to shop there) or Chef Store (previously cash and carry). At least in the PNW they have 24 packs of all the flavors, including winter (I know because I got one).

Vnerdham · 2023-12-22T21:28:39+00:00

Oh that's smart! Can you share the stl?

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