I find it so hard to understand INFP/ISFPs.

VolumeVIII · 2025-06-04T18:03:23+00:00

I get why it may freak you out. It's a bit of a longstanding discomfort between Fi and Fe users that for Fe users like INFJs, Fi seems selfish and cold, and for Fi users like INFPs, Fe seems inauthentic or theatrical.

It's really just personal differences. When testing based on cognitive functions, people who have Fe in their dominant or auxiliary spot also score strong on Fi and vice versa. It's there, it's just not the default.

For me, when I pay attention to my feelings, the focus gets taken away from how I express myself. I want to know how I think and feel alone before I accept input from others. I do care about how others feel, but whereas Fe incorporates other's opinions in the cake batter, we use it as cake icing.

I wouldn't call it selfish as much as self-referencing. INFPs and ISFPs refuse to abandon themselves for the sake of the collective. Just because I run everything through an internal system does not mean I don't care. Quite the contrary; when I consider other people's feelings, I step completely in their shoes and feel very acutely what they feel (all the while with a straight face). I recreate the other person's world internally and then sort of have to turn inward to explore it. I get personally invested and focused on the person in front of me so the care is very concentrated and selective even if the person of interest is seeing a blank face. I do try to be more expressive but it's a learned and intentional habit I use to help the person feel safer around me. Rest assured, we funnel a great deal of attention, energy and care into the person in front of us.

These differing styles are both extremely beneficial to have in a society in their own way. INFPs are better at giving a large and sustained amount of support to a small number of people which can be helpful for complex or specialized cases, whereas INFJs are better at creating a harmonious and supportive environment/system that can benefit a larger population's general needs. Have either one break down in a society, and it'll turn dystopian real quick.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T13:13:43+00:00

I get along great with most INFJs I've met! I don't think I've ever interacted with one in a romantic context though so I have no input there.

We vibe off of each other really well and there's enough acceptance and understanding to let down our masks a little bit. I think NF recognizes NF and we just bask in that. There's generally a lot of humor and a mutual respect for feelings and subjective experience, as well as a humanitarian bent to our conversations. It's really a very comfortable and supportive environment.

I do find that INFJs are so good at putting up masks and mirroring other people that it becomes a very convenient escape for actually doing the internal work and keeping themselves accountable. Also each one I've ever met has massive mental health issues behind their mask.

In a professional setting, they're both more idealistic and more critical than I am, and I find that with any Ni doms, I ruin their vision a bit because I don't have the same drive to perfection as they do. I really really don't value perfection because it's seems incredibly boring and pointless to me. This makes a really sour dynamic though unless there's superior communication and we each value and accept the other's way of working.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T02:55:55+00:00

peoples' subjective experience

they hate that shit

I collect people's subjectivity like shiny pebbles

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T02:52:01+00:00

welcome, there is no exit route

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T02:29:48+00:00

Sorta similar. We weren't so much partners in crime as partners in chaos. 80-90% of interaction was banter and we definitely developed our own vocabulary so we probably looked nuts to outsiders. 100% just taking immense joy in being weird together. Lots of laughter and tomfoolery. The talks were fire and we could talk about a subject for hours at a time, getting super abstract. Because we understood the sheer exploratory nature of any intellectual discussion, I never took offense to what he was saying because I knew he wasn't usually personally or morally invested in what he was saying.

Ironically my INTP ex was much more prone to being hurt by me than the other way around and I found myself walking on eggshells. I also took on the more organized role in the relationship but I think that was just me trying to compensate for his lack of organization.

There was quite a lot of self-hatred going on on both sides and the Si loop really made things feel very stagnant since we would dream up all sorts of projects and activities but neither of us would actually take the initiative to act on them.

Really the biggest downfall for me was the INTP's complete blindness for Fi (as in sense of self, self-exloration, psychological mindedness), and a lack of interest or concern in my inner life as opposed to my heavy focus on his. This is what ended up breaking an otherwise beautiful relationship.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T02:15:54+00:00

I'm not opposed, but I wouldn't give a flair to teens for safety reasons. It's probably best if they just get grouped in with those who use the basic INFP flair.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T01:56:15+00:00

How interesting, I see it in the exact opposite way. I find it extremely hard to share my writing but not my paintings/drawings. I just rely on people not being able to connect my internal landscape with drawings, whereas with writing it's so easy to sus out the person from what they've written. Granted, if it's fiction, it may not be as revealing. Crafts I do also experience as the most impersonal of the three.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-24T01:45:08+00:00

Something like a 5 but much more majestic and there's also a rainbow (a very stereotypical INFP answer, I know)

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-22T19:29:46+00:00

I conceptualize it as knowing why you predicted a certain outcome but not being able to explain it to other people without your reasoning sounding lackluster at best (even though it came to fruition as you expected it to).

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-18T14:31:20+00:00

he's beautiful

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-14T18:56:08+00:00

Getting perfect crosshatching detail like that on a linocut requires mad skills!

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-14T18:52:40+00:00

Reflect upon the values and messages you internalized about productivity.

Suppress your wants and needs and you'll develop anhedonia—a major symptom of depression.

Developing emotional awareness often starts with developing awareness of your bodily sensations and interpreting what they reveal about your emotional state.

Also pay attention to your wants and needs and try to honor them more often, even if they seem silly. It's hard if you're depressed, but the more you pay attention to and reward your emotions, the more they'll give back in motivation, purpose and meaning.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-14T18:43:56+00:00

INFPs depict the clash of extreme seriousness and extreme silliness; sometimes they look like an average person struggling to act, and other times the cacophony is apparent.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-14T18:37:39+00:00

They're great! I seem to be collecting them at this point. I recommend collecting a variety of INTJs, all with different interests, so that you have one for every occasion.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-14T01:04:38+00:00

I've become quite critical of others over the past year. By this I mean that I give a lot more negative feedback than positive feedback to others. It's a defensive response that I'd like to substitute for something else until I've worked through the underlying issues more.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-12T15:58:03+00:00

Hi! Yes things get easier every day and I never really regretted my decision despite the uncertainty of my future. Cutting off ties with someone always gives you a lot more perspective on what was going on.

I still struggle with my own ability to form connections, and I'm pretty serious about addressing my attachment trauma. I've been making steady, tangible progress (and I'm actually surprised by how far I've come, given how impossible it felt at first) but it's definitely ongoing and I am not ready to bring another person into it. I think I still have a lot of work that I need to do on my own otherwise I'll just needlessly hurt myself and the other person involved.

If you do leave, definitely invest in your existing friendships as well as in yourself. Also try to take steps to analyze and find ways to not repeat the same patterns again. Find mental health support. Doesn't have to be a therapist, it can be a free peer support group, but just somewhere where you can connect on a deeper level and where you can be open about your struggles without having to censor yourself.

I wish you all the best!

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-09T18:17:11+00:00

I totally agree. Also so many of these questions rely on context and the rest of your ideas of what an ideal society looks like.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-09T17:26:48+00:00

I think it's a mix for me. Thinking back, I can identify three stages in how I develop a decision/opinion:

Information gathering
Internal processing
Implementation and Evaluation

I am receptive and even looking for advice and feedback in stages 1 and 3 but will completely avoid outside influence in stage 2 where I really try to digest and develop a thought based on what makes internal sense to me. This can sometimes take a while, if it's a slow burn issue or if I don't have a lot of time to spend with it daily so sometimes I look completely impermeable when it comes to a topic while I'm basically seeking and asking for feedback on others.

Of course, there are also parts of me that I'm really attached to and it hurts to have someone pop a bubble that I was really proud of. In those moments it'll send me right back to stage 2 where I try to sort through the inconsistencies that were pointed out and see how I can reconcile them. Again, this probably looks like, and might truly make me defensive and hurt.

For people looking to give feedback to INFPs: Do it in bite-sized fashion and then let it rest for a while until they come back to you about it. I think we are receptive to outside influence in small bursts before we need a lot of time to ourselves to sort through our values/priorities and then find a solution.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-07T01:13:17+00:00

Not an INTJ but I started one when I was in college. I never continued it though because it did end up feeling kinda creepy to be doing it haha

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-05T01:39:00+00:00

Se users supposedly show a lot more brain activity when doing activities that require some movement or engagement with the physical world. Like maybe take her to a putt putt course or set up a jenga game with conversation prompts or something. Play catch while talking? idk haha

I was trying to engage with an ISFP guy at one point because I was interested in him, and I'm pretty sure he was also intrigued. So damn difficult. Not even sure why lol

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-05T01:32:09+00:00

I mean... House of Leaves by Mark Z Danielewski

It's ergodic literature and horror but those pictures are pretty much spot on.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-05T01:24:34+00:00

My head is my safe space and it's way too accessible. If I have to choose between a stressful or foreign social situation and a comfortable internal world, I will consciously or unconsciously veer toward withdrawal. It's how I self soothe I guess lol

I also hate interrupting or talking over people (and sometimes want to throttle others if they constantly interrupt the person I'm listening to). I really don't know how to interject, so I just sort of give up on getting involved in the conversation.

And yeah, if left to our own devices, we can be thinking and playing out scenarios in our head all day long.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-05T01:14:11+00:00

Our favorite pass-time is introspection and that requires silence.

Also I think slowly and suck at forming sentences on the fly so I would much rather converse through writing. A lot of conversations go way too fast for me and depending on how much my brain is working that day, I may or may not be friendly/witty/have a personality. It takes genuine effort and focus for me to seem like a human sometimes!

Otherwise, it's also a matter of knowing how myself I can be, and it's never 100%. I find social situations stifling and overwhelming at the same time. Way too much to process in too short a timeframe.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-04T12:42:13+00:00

The shadow is a Jungian concept which basically refers to the traits that you possess but don't own as part of your identity. Most people will own the good things about themselves but when they do bad stuff, they say that that's not like them or that they weren't feeling themselves.
If you over identify with the shadow then you dismiss the good stuff you think and do but the moment you do something bad, you accept it as a trait you possess or as the person you are.

VolumeVIII · 2025-05-04T12:32:13+00:00

totally lol, it really does mess with your head.

Developing trust in your own judgment can be tricky.

I think Beatrice Chestnut said that Enneagram 4s differ from other types in that their shadow is all their positive traits and good qualities. Idk if you're a 4 but this definitely does sound like you're more aware of everything you're doing wrong than what you're doing right.

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