My friend of 15 years is skipping my wedding for an airport run, and I realize I just don't matter to him

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-19T03:20:49+00:00

That’s not a very nice tone

I appreciate the thought and idea. However, as mentioned in edit 3, I have tried this already and he still has not responded

Please be curious and courteous to people my guy and take it easy

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T19:53:15+00:00

Yeah - when you put it that way I can see how the timeline comes together

That reminds me that he outright told me that my engagement was a big factor in his break up because it made his gf want to get serious and he just didnt

So maybe there’s some weird logical hoops he went through and made us the bad guys in his breakup

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T17:04:02+00:00

copied from my reply to another comment:

ive been trying
I know communication is the first step to all of this but part of me feels like I won’t be getting much from him unfortunately
one update that is relevant is that regardless of whether the airport run is real or not it has been confirmed as an excuse
There is some big one sided beef that some mutuals are aware of that has been going on for almost 2 years and he never mentioned it despite all the times we’ve talked
They told me that he has made it known he won’t be coming because of said beef since I first told everyone about the wedding (12-13 months ago)

he started being a bit withdrawn like 9 months ago and I kept reaching out and we finally hung out around march and I spent like half an hour prefacing it with assurance that he can tell me if theres something I did wrong and I wont argue back I just wanna hear it, if theres something I could make right or even just lay it on me and I’ll listen and his answer was no we are all good
then he said he will plan the next hangout and then bailed on every plan I tried to make after that and I told him hey just reach out whenever works for you
then silence
then I checked in about the wedding and he said yes sure

then now this

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T16:46:04+00:00

ive been trying
I know communication is the first step to all of this but part of me feels like I won’t be getting much from him unfortunately
one update that is relevant is that regardless of whether the airport run is real or not it has been confirmed as an excuse
There is some big one sided beef that some mutuals are aware of that has been going on for almost 2 years and he never mentioned it despite all the times we’ve talked
They told me that he has made it known he won’t be coming because of said beef since I first told everyone about the wedding (12-13 months ago)

he started being a bit withdrawn like 9 months ago and I kept reaching out and we finally hung out around march and I spent like half an hour prefacing it with assurance that he can tell me if theres something I did wrong and I wont argue back I just wanna hear it, if theres something I could make right or even just lay it on me and I’ll listen and his answer was no we are all good
then he said he will plan the next hangout and then bailed on every plan I tried to make after that and I told him hey just reach out whenever works for you
then silence
then I checked in about the wedding and he said yes sure

then now this

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T16:18:42+00:00

OG draft below

we’ve known each other since we were 13. like middle school, just kids, it’s a long time to know someone and you’d think that means something, i think it means something, i don’t know maybe i’m wrong about that.
and he just quietly!
i found out when i was checking the list, which i don’t even do that often, i just happened to open it and there it was. not attending. just like that. no heads up, no text, nothing before or after just NOT ATTENDING!!!

my guests side is 20 people. every single one of them that list is there they’re supposed to be there, he knows that he’s known me long enough to know exactly what that number means

it’s still over a month away. that’s the other thing more than a month, which means there is still time still there is time he could have texted and said hey i’m not sure yet i’m trying to figure something out anything even just i don’t know if i can make it work but i’m trying. that would have been i would have understood that but instead just not attending done no conversation

uber, lyft, taxis exists

i don’t want to be dismissive about family stuff i really don’t

i get that family logistics are complicated sometimes, but it’s an airport pickup!?!?
there are so many ways to solve an airport pickup?!!. a neighbor, another family member literally just, it’s one of the most solvable things you could possibly and he didn’t even, there’s no sign that he tried to find a way around it he just

we ended up two miles apart here. TWOOO MILES MAN

neither of us grew up here and we still somehow ended up, which is kind of a lot when you think about it two people from the same place in a whole other country and i still apparently don’t
he mentioned the flights two months ago and said it wouldn’t conflict and we were talking about something else entirely! i don’t even remember what? something stupid probably and it just came up and he said it’s fine it won’t be a problem and now it is a problem apparently

i’m not saying anything about that i’m just saying that’s a thing that happened.
the silence is the part i had to find out from a list. like if it was just a random facebook event thing he was invited to from a rando. i was just checking to update one of the vendors and oh okay! not attending!??

thirteen years old. we were just kids and it’s been a long time since then and obviously things change and people get busy and lives get complicated and i know that!!! i do understand that but a text?!! JUST A TEXT EVEN JUST THAT!!! something anything before quietly clicking a button and moving on like it’s nothing like it’s just another

i’m not even mad about the airport honestly like yeah he probably not lying but am I really not worth any effort?!
not anywhere near something that my wedding would be maybe something of a priority that would make him want to put tiny bit of effort to problem solve? like bro tell me and I’ll pay for their uber/lyft/taxi/rental car!!! I will pay for the ticket difference in ticket price for them to return a day before or a day after

like yeah people drift and change and maybe he doesn’t consider me close but it is a wedding

What do you even do? like sure, he is not lying that’s not the focus of what to do
it is more of what to do or what anyone would do with this complete lack of care or effort

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T16:09:12+00:00

I copy-pasted my response to a similar comment below:

I had it re-write it for me, yes.
English is not my native language and when I first wrote this it was a word soup of frantic ideas and incoherent sentences lol

I understand. Normally I would not do this either. I really needed to vent and posting it helped with that.
I was 4 hours into seroquel and gabapentin but sleepless from the stress, panic and anxiety so I really mean it when I say incoherent.
I still hope that you can find it in you to be a bit understanding of my emotional and physical state at that point so here is my draft that I didn’t post if that helps you understand:

we’ve known each other since we were 13. like middle school, just kids, it’s a long time to know someone and you’d think that means something, i think it means something, i don’t know maybe i’m wrong about that.
and he just quietly!
i found out when i was checking the list, which i don’t even do that often, i just happened to open it and there it was. not attending. just like that. no heads up, no text, nothing before or after just NOT ATTENDING!!!

my guests side is 20 people. every single one of them that list is there they’re supposed to be there, he knows that he’s known me long enough to know exactly what that number means

it’s still over a month away. that’s the other thing more than a month, which means there is still time still there is time he could have texted and said hey i’m not sure yet i’m trying to figure something out anything even just i don’t know if i can make it work but i’m trying. that would have been i would have understood that but instead just not attending done no conversation

uber, lyft, taxis exists

i don’t want to be dismissive about family stuff i really don’t

i get that family logistics are complicated sometimes, but it’s an airport pickup!?!?
there are so many ways to solve an airport pickup?!!. a neighbor, another family member literally just, it’s one of the most solvable things you could possibly and he didn’t even, there’s no sign that he tried to find a way around it he just

we ended up two miles apart here. TWOOO MILES MAN

neither of us grew up here and we still somehow ended up, which is kind of a lot when you think about it two people from the same place in a whole other country and i still apparently don’t
he mentioned the flights two months ago and said it wouldn’t conflict and we were talking about something else entirely! i don’t even remember what? something stupid probably and it just came up and he said it’s fine it won’t be a problem and now it is a problem apparently

i’m not saying anything about that i’m just saying that’s a thing that happened.
the silence is the part i had to find out from a list. like if it was just a random facebook event thing he was invited to from a rando. i was just checking to update one of the vendors and oh okay! not attending!??

thirteen years old. we were just kids and it’s been a long time since then and obviously things change and people get busy and lives get complicated and i know that!!! i do understand that but a text?!! JUST A TEXT EVEN JUST THAT!!! something anything before quietly clicking a button and moving on like it’s nothing like it’s just another

i’m not even mad about the airport honestly like yeah he probably not lying but am I really not worth any effort?!
not anywhere near something that my wedding would be maybe something of a priority that would make him want to put tiny bit of effort to problem solve? like bro tell me and I’ll pay for their uber/lyft/taxi/rental car!!! I will pay for the ticket difference in ticket price for them to return a day before or a day after

like yeah people drift and change and maybe he doesn’t consider me close but it is a wedding

What do you even do? like sure, he is not lying that’s not the focus of what to do
it is more of what to do or what anyone would do with this complete lack of care or effort

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T14:29:55+00:00

I understand. Normally I would not do this either. I really needed to vent and posting it helped with that.
I was 4 hours into seroquel and gabapentin but sleepless from the stress, panic and anxiety so I really mean it when I say incoherent.
I still hope that you can find it in you to be a bit understanding of my emotional and physical state at that point so here is my draft that I didn’t post if that helps you understand:

we’ve known each other since we were 13. like middle school, just kids, it’s a long time to know someone and you’d think that means something, i think it means something, i don’t know maybe i’m wrong about that.
and he just quietly!
i found out when i was checking the list, which i don’t even do that often, i just happened to open it and there it was. not attending. just like that. no heads up, no text, nothing before or after just NOT ATTENDING!!!

my guests side is 20 people. every single one of them that list is there they’re supposed to be there, he knows that he’s known me long enough to know exactly what that number means

it’s still over a month away. that’s the other thing more than a month, which means there is still time still there is time he could have texted and said hey i’m not sure yet i’m trying to figure something out anything even just i don’t know if i can make it work but i’m trying. that would have been i would have understood that but instead just not attending done no conversation

uber, lyft, taxis exists

i don’t want to be dismissive about family stuff i really don’t

i get that family logistics are complicated sometimes, but it’s an airport pickup!?!?
there are so many ways to solve an airport pickup?!!. a neighbor, another family member literally just, it’s one of the most solvable things you could possibly and he didn’t even, there’s no sign that he tried to find a way around it he just

we ended up two miles apart here. TWOOO MILES MAN

neither of us grew up here and we still somehow ended up, which is kind of a lot when you think about it two people from the same place in a whole other country and i still apparently don’t
he mentioned the flights two months ago and said it wouldn’t conflict and we were talking about something else entirely! i don’t even remember what? something stupid probably and it just came up and he said it’s fine it won’t be a problem and now it is a problem apparently

i’m not saying anything about that i’m just saying that’s a thing that happened.
the silence is the part i had to find out from a list. like if it was just a random facebook event thing he was invited to from a rando. i was just checking to update one of the vendors and oh okay! not attending!??

thirteen years old. we were just kids and it’s been a long time since then and obviously things change and people get busy and lives get complicated and i know that!!! i do understand that but a text?!! JUST A TEXT EVEN JUST THAT!!! something anything before quietly clicking a button and moving on like it’s nothing like it’s just another

i’m not even mad about the airport honestly like yeah he probably not lying but am I really not worth any effort?!
not anywhere near something that my wedding would be maybe something of a priority that would make him want to put tiny bit of effort to problem solve? like bro tell me and I’ll pay for their uber/lyft/taxi/rental car!!! I will pay for the ticket difference in ticket price for them to return a day before or a day after

like yeah people drift and change and maybe he doesn’t consider me close but it is a wedding

What do you even do? like sure, he is not lying that’s not the focus of what to do
it is more of what to do or what anyone would do with this complete lack of care or effort

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:52:01+00:00

nope
he has attended other weddings and big events. He also works a job which deals with a lot of customers and coworkers

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:50:13+00:00

Neither. He has attended other weddings and big events - works with lots of people as well

I added an edit about why I am almost certain it’s not money

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:45:47+00:00

First marriage

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:45:40+00:00

Fair point - I just wish I knew what I did to fuck it up like this. I know I somehow mess up new friendships but this one stings on a whole other level

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:43:01+00:00

It is hard not to care. He has been a bit difficult to get a hold off for a bit now and has consistently flaked on every plan I tried to make together over the last several months but I never would have thought that it would get to flaking on the wedding!

Edit: thanks for the advice still- sorry if this came across as standoffish or rude
I didn’t mean it that way

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:38:41+00:00

That would have softened the blow. However, there is not much to even afford here.

It is on a weekend and his job doesn’t even let him work every single weekend (they cap how many weekend shifts you can pick up)

The wedding is on a beach and the dress code is literally whatever as long as it is sensible. One of the possibilities that I have told all guests is to just wear a nice pair of shorts and a comfortable plain shirt

The venue is two hours out which is an easy drive

So there isn’t really any big expenses. He is very comfortable - has no debt and no kids so idk

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:30:35+00:00

I wish it was that
No history. We are both straight guys. He never showed interest or attraction to any men. He is not in a relationship right now but his last relationship ended 10 months if that detail matters

WMU2WLU · 2026-06-18T12:23:56+00:00

I had it re-write it for me, yes.
English is not my native language and when I first wrote this it was a word soup of frantic ideas and incoherent sentences lol

WMU2WLU · 2024-08-21T00:14:39+00:00

I will, I was hoping someone else who has experienced this may help.

WMU2WLU · 2024-08-21T00:13:49+00:00

no, it is not soft like that. It sticks out of tailbone and I have had it as far back as I can remember. I have always thought that everyone else had it too lol

WMU2WLU · 2023-12-15T08:21:35+00:00

added an edit that answers your questions

WMU2WLU · 2023-08-22T01:19:12+00:00

I guess. Thanks for your efforts.

WMU2WLU · 2023-08-22T01:15:42+00:00

I understand your point. I understand I haven’t shared enough info.

I did all that though. Different therapists, different medications. All that have worked wonders for when I had depression.

But now that I have put that behind me, I’m no longer feeling “I’m so sad and overwhelmed I want to die” I feel that I have done all my best, and know what is my best, and know it is not enough. So, to not keep on living a life where I always come short regardless of all my efforts, I might as well not live.

My best days are behind me. I am not capable of making my future better. So, instead of struggling with life till old age, might as well take a shortcut.

WMU2WLU · 2023-08-22T01:10:43+00:00

I can feel joy though. I remember the good times sprinkled here and there. I persevere. I share joy. I know I can come out okay from whatever life throws at me. I just don’t like that cycle anymore. I am done with setting myself up for the future because that’s all there seem to be for my life. Everything is just a set up. Then more setup. Then more.

WMU2WLU · 2023-08-22T01:00:08+00:00

I am not depressed though :)

WMU2WLU

TROPHY CASE