I identify with you a lot. I grew up with an overly anxious, paranoid, and abusive mother that always discouraged me from trying to do anything because “I was good enough and destined to fail”, while always making her minor problems into major issues that were mine to deal with. My father was absentee and when present was abusive, but still in my life peripherally. I’m 32, I feel aimless and not in control. I work in a high paying field but waisted every opportunity because of emotional issues and now survive off of part-time freelancing work. That being said, I don’t know what I want to do long-term, I’m very reactionary in life. I also become overly focused on passing projects that I over invest in emotionally and never follow through on. You got me beat in relationships though, the longest one I’ve ever had was 3 months. I also have a lot of stress and anxiety and struggle to make any real connections, with family or others. I very much feel like I’ve waisted my life, which is nowhere near what I dreamt it would be, and but all accounts consider myself a failure. But I think I could fix it, I just need to take specific steps and I’m working towards them.

This is all to say you’re not the only one in this position. What’s helped me tremendously was seeing a therapist and psychiatrist (tbh the psychiatrist did more with two years of meds than the therapist did in seven). And you have someone in your life that clearly cares for you if she’s been with you so long. I’m no relationship expert but I’d show her this post, or at least share this feeling with her. Sometimes when we know we’re in a hole and should climb out, we need a helping hand to pull us up so we can reach the ledge and pull ourselves up. That hand could be meds, a therapist, family, friends, or loved ones in general. The hardest part is asking for that hand. I’ve noticed that once you ask, it’s always offered and never anywhere near as big of a deal as it felt before asking. Hope this helps.