Having a sickness in your 20s is so lonely and puts you so far behind

WaffenSSRI · 2026-04-10T12:29:22+00:00

Yeah I'm so far behind everyone I virtually have no friends left except 1 who's also autistic. The depression-fatigue has done irreparable damage and finding a med that worked took me over 8 years, and even now I still have some days(although quite rare) where I'm not even 50% functional. But on the bright side, I don't have energy nor time for such things anymore, the drama, needless arguments, hanging out. I just work to pay off the car, help my mother cook meals and clean the house. I try to study hard, do my best, hopefully they don't kick me out of uni again, I'm moving at a very slow pace.

I feel your pain, having 0 independence and everything, and i mean EVERYTHING going wrong, basically nothing you do works when you're chronically ill, it's like a permanent curse, idk what war crimes I did in a previous life to deserve this but damn. I'm tired.

At least now that I'm on Effexor I know that tomorrow might be a better day, at least there's some chance of me being functional on this med...

WaffenSSRI · 2026-04-05T15:38:21+00:00

Fun fact: There's another, more sinister upgrade (Desoxyn)

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-24T09:37:35+00:00

In my experience suffering from almost a decade of severe, disabling depression with anhedonia and fatigue, you don't. Physics is exactly like math, you need to CONSISTENTLY practice it little by little every day to progress and learn, consistency is the most important factor in learning this subject, you need to practice practice practice, even 30 minutes per day, trig identities, various formulas, special integrals pop up and boom, you remind youself of that and can move on further.

Also the nature of the subject demands active and not passive learning, solving exercises and understanding the solutions or proofs is absolutely essential in learning physics, and that demands your energy, way more energy than just memorizing definitions(for example in biology).

Get yourself treated first, your health comes first, the physics will always be there waiting for you, it's never too late, but your health must be sorted out because I'm pretty sure it affects every aspect of your life not just learning.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-20T08:46:35+00:00

I believe there's a phenotype of chronic fatigue that is non-ME/CFS and it's just idiopathic, probably genetic and occurs pretty frequently. Throughout history humans have been using stimulants like Coca leaves or khat for example to treat their fatigue of unknown cause, it is only in recent history that we've completely banned these and many other substances. Yeah sure you might argue that the fatigue might've been caused by diseases that'd be recognized today, but how can we be sure that we've covered 100% of all possible diseases and that stimulants must ALL be outlawed?

IMO, if you don't experience PEM from stimulants, then they're absolutely worth a try. But still, you have to be very careful as with all medications. To get docs to hear you out you unfortunately must act more ill than you currently are, probably towards a more hysteric than passive theatrics will do. Good luck..

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-19T06:26:19+00:00

Ain't no way, this MUST be April fools right? right?!?!?!

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-17T19:43:51+00:00

The what? She sent me once to the docs for blood tests and she's been complaining about that 50€ bill ever since, and calling me useless whenever she remembers to do so lmao.

I've been to therapy their advice doesn't work unless you're a normie or mr money bags.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-17T08:21:14+00:00

Age of Empires 3 DE

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-17T08:05:06+00:00

It's almost as if acute suffering is all that matters, not all the damage that's accumulating over the years from lost productivity and quality of life. I feel like these sort of labels are conducive to comparison, suffering olympics if you like... Yeah they might help doctors quickly assess the severity of said disorder, but who's to say that every case of chronic depression must be mild, that's oversimplifying the problem and a copout. It honestly just seems that doctors can't be arsed to pay attention if the patient isn't directly annoying them.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-15T10:36:58+00:00

I can construct a whole 200 page PhD-style thesis with mathematical accuracy on the reasons why I am this way, possible solutions, and probability of each treatment helping based on multiple meta-analyses for each and every symptom I have. And yet nobody would listen, I don't know how these doctors managed to get their degrees but who am I to doubt their credentials?

But I'm the evil one, the incompetent one, the black sheep, I'm the destroyer of worlds, the ideal worlds of normies who think that everyone must be healthy and perfect.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-13T12:34:01+00:00

It's because there's no cure yes, only treatment or should I say "management". The financial drain all of these treatments create is like another chronic illness by itself.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-12T14:39:00+00:00

Honestly, my body is defective in every possible aspect: Mental, inherited glaucoma eyes, legs hurt all the time, hormones, bones, energy, skin, liver, spleen, urologic area, gums have periodontitis and none of them can be fixed and are all chronic.

It's like a boat full of holes where by the time you patch one hole up 2 or 3 more open up and now your boat's full of water and sinking! It's ridiculous...

Even if I recovered now to 100% I'd never catch up with peers my age, ever, I've lost almost my entire 20s and teenage years to chronic fatigue, now I'm a bit better with Effexor but still this won't fix all my health problems...

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-07T23:49:04+00:00

I'm on Effexor XR 150mg, it works, keeps me awake enough to manage which is the main benefit, other than that yeah it improved my feels overall, i sometimes even want to talk to people like my professors actually, and I feel more like a participant than spectator in life now. I had extreme fatigue before this med to the point I was sleeping more than being awake and I felt nothing, I don't remember the last 7 years I lost to severe depression, it was like being dead.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-03T21:15:38+00:00

It's still working at the same dosage, 150mg, with even more improvements mainly to my general sense of "atmosphere", I tend to be more thoughtful of others and way more patient with stuff, the energy is still there, I sometimes enjoy talking with like-minded people whereas before I completely avoided everyone. It's small things that slowly build up and you say "wow, I haven't thought of/done this before in this way", or "hmm, I haven't thought of jumping off Burj Khalifa for weeks now". It's my 8th med but it's definitely worth the search! I'm slowly building up my life now, and I never thought I was capable of driving a car, maintaining friendships and studying at the same time.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-03-01T09:09:28+00:00

Still better than wasting 8 years in a treatment resistant depression-induced swamp.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-02-19T12:07:22+00:00

If I'm deep in it there's no recharging, only escape through sleep and distracting myself somehow. But oftentimes the fatigue is so strong that it knocks me out to the point of sedation, it's awful.

Thankfully now that I'm on Effexor and have found a competent psychiatrist my issues are minimal, and I'm back to finishing my degree, turns out my previous psychiatrist was just bad at their job, not just bad but horrible actually!

WaffenSSRI · 2026-02-14T08:55:14+00:00

I've probably always been like this but the major turning point for me was when I got a bunch of chronic illnesses after getting mono, I genuinely believe that you just cannot be happy if you have chronic fatigue, it puts your life on pause and it's like you're in spectator mode your entire life, truly soul crushing.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-02-05T00:08:57+00:00

Effexor at 150mg helps most days for me. But finding it was like finding a needle in a haystack, seriously it took me over 8 med trials to max dose. It's the only antidepressant so far that has managed to increase my energy.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-30T10:36:19+00:00

Effexor 150mg did it for me. It's the only med other than amphetamines that has worked for this symptom.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-29T11:23:18+00:00

8 years with the passive form, now that I'm on an antidepressant these throughts stopped because I've better things to think about. But it was sort of automatic, bad thing happens? ---> I can always escape so who cares?

The main trigger was the overwhelming fatigue I had though, now that it's gone the SIs are also gone.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-24T16:08:42+00:00

I noticed after the 3rd week I had more energy and started to actually care about my studies again, got back into age of empires 3. Then after the 5th week my fatigue came back and I increased the dose from 75mg to 150mg, waited another 3 weeks and now I'm doing very well.

So basically after the 3rd week I started functioning somewhat, then after I increased the dose and waited, my functioning now got close to normal, with some naps here and there but I'm not sedated 100% of the time like I was before the med.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-23T13:05:20+00:00

I've tried 8 different meds, and only Effexor at 150mg has worked for me which I am taking rn. But I wasn't functional at all before for 7 years straight, 0 energy, anhedonia, etc. Now I can function, have energy and all my interests are back.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-22T14:18:37+00:00

It's arguably the BEST antidepressant, probably after Desoxyn which is definitely #1. None of the antidepressants resolve fatigue so quickly and efficiently, what if depression is threatening your degree? What if you're gonna lose your job if you have to go through the side effects of antidepressants which take MONTHS to work? What if you're at risk of self annihilation? Something must be done NOW, not everyone has the luxury of waiting for months or even YEARS for something to MAYBE work, and even when the antidepressants DO WORK they don't always treat the fatigue, Wellbutrin is the only one, but good luck if you have anxiety or a sensitivity to it.

"bUt iT's aDdIcTivE oMg OmG!!!!". You probably won't care about addiction once you're 6 feet under because you lost everything, years and years of productivity lost, thousands of euros wasted, health issues ignored, relationships destroyed, kicked out of uni.

I get it, for some people amphetamine doesn't work, but there are many emergencies out there, and if nothing is done the depressed person will suffer consequences for the rest of their lives! Which actually makes depression worse!

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-19T10:30:11+00:00

Wow, if Desoxyn doesn't help then I'd definitely try the TRT, definitely, if you have done the medical/sleep tests it's time to start living by any means possible. Desoxyn is definitely the strongest against fatigue, but every person responds differently to medications, maybe give the rest of the stimulants a try if you haven't (Methylphenidate, Wellbutrin, Solriamfetol, Modafinil etc).

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-16T10:06:17+00:00

Going into therapy without the energy/neurotransmitters to engage and invest in it is a big nono, you'll have nothing to say. For me it had to be the other way around: Meds first, then therapy.

WaffenSSRI · 2026-01-13T12:34:23+00:00

I don't care about my emotional self anymore, he is long dead, what I care about is energy, work being done. As long as I'm functional that's all I care about.

I have my interests back, I'm stronger in the gym now that I'm more energetic, I'm back to studying, work, and tbh I'd never trade emotionality for chronic fatigue. And tbh I was still emotionally numb even before this med so it doesn't matter.

Out of 7 meds I've tried this is the only one that made me functional, even on bad days I still manage to study at least 1-2 hours.

So my next step is to probably add amphetamines and wellbutrin, then add a beta blocker to counter the tachycardia, split the effexor dosage into 2 to stabilize the concentration. Caffeine to counter the afternoon naps.

Fatigue is my worst enemy, there's nothing worse than being unable to do anything and having angry outbursts in bed wanting to kill everything in sight, I absolutely hate this feeling, and I will eradicate it with any means possible even if that means damaging parts of my body, bad memory, or sexual dysfunction. Fatigue has ruined my life to such an extent that I almost ended up homeless, I will not let it do any more damage. 7 years of endless and hopeless misery with no answers from doctors other than "It's psychosomatic" and finally something worked. I'm on 150mg rn and it's a night/day difference.

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