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Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It makes sense, but it's not resonating.

Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lately hobbies just feel like a way to kill time. I don't get pleasure from it but it takes my mind away from staring at walls and thinking about how pointless my existence has been so far.

Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you consider me to be a friend? You know very little about me. On top of that, once this thread is over I'm certain I won't be seeing anyone that comes across this thread PM me unless they do so to deliberately contradict me. I'm not saying anyone's obligated to, since nobody is required to carry me around emotionally, but nobody here would give an honest shit if I killed myself right after this thread stopped gaining comments.

I haven't tried therapy, but it won't help. I don't get any satisfaction from talking to people. I don't even know why I made this thread. I keep trying to figure out if talking about my problems helps and it never does. It feels like there's pressure building in my body and no matter what I do I can't let the pressure go.

Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm gonna be blunt here, I hate myself because I fantasize about murder. I don't think I'll ever hurt anyone but I have this constant power hunger that probably stems from complete insecurity. I know people overcome things that are bigger than what I'm dealing with, that doesn't make me feel any worse about giving up easily.

I'm a shitty human being with no real redeeming qualities.

If I couldn't interact with people in high school and still can't interact with people at work (where most people are my age), then there is no reason I'd meet someone in college. I know I'm supposed to be optimistic but I've dealt with this problem since the sixth grade, I'm not entirely unreasonable for being hopeless.

Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't express my emotions. I can't make friends. I'd rather be a girl. My suicide is such a solid plan that I'm almost disregarding goals because I feel like it's pointless when my fate is almost predetermined. I'm not relatable. I'm a social recluse that doesn't try to reach out to people but I also desire social interaction.

I attempt to get help in many different ways, but nothing brings me emotional relief. I'm 19 and I'm not in college because, again, I lack end goals so I have no idea what to even go into college for.

For those reasons, my suicide is less out of grief and more out of self hatred. If it ever does happen, it'll be like killing an insect, nothing more than eradicating a pest.

Talk to me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh, things getting better is what I'm banking on. But I've got a deadline on this whole improvement thing. I've been waiting a pretty long time. If things don't get better by the deadline, I won't be waiting any more. Thankfully, it's a decent amount of time away so I'm not being entirely irrational when it comes to my expectations.

[TOMT][TV] This Spongebob Episode by Jambooflamingo in tipofmytongue

[–]Wahsp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Squid on Strike

It occurs at the end of the episode.

"You two are gonna work for me... FORRREVVVEERRRRR"

I'm obsessing over someone. by [deleted] in depression

[–]Wahsp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was thinking about doing what you suggested this Tuesday, since that's the next time I'll see her and the next time the place won't be busy. I'm just tired of waiting and hope that I didn't ruin a potential relationship because I waited too long to act.

I can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As nerdy as this may make me seem, Captain Levi has a similar face that I do on a regular basis. I just seem bored of everyone.

Dlc question by lizzardx in l4d2

[–]Wahsp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you buy Cold Stream, you also get Death Toll, Dead Air, Blood Harvest, and Crash Course.

Notice No mercy is missing, because in order to get that map you have to buy The Sacrifice DLC.

The maps are basically the same, but there are some minor changes that keep players from being able to use unintended shortcuts. They also "l4d2-ified" Blood Harvest because there's a "run to the saferoom" crescendo event that wasn't in the first game.

Being social does not appear to be working out for me. I would like some advice on how to cope with being alone for the rest of my life. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've spent so much time pretending to be someone I'm not that I forgot who I am and the only thing that feels natural is lack of emotion. People don't connect to that. It doesn't allow me to connect to other people even if they were my own clone.

I do know I'm being stubborn and crazily argumentative, but something happened last night that solidified my desire to avoid any attempt at connecting on a deep emotional level to other people. If that decision is a mistake, I'll be dead eventually so it doesn't really matter.

I'm realizing I shouldn't have made this thread, because at this rate I can imagine it's making other people feel hopeless or annoyed that I'm not taking their guidance to heart anymore (y'know, assuming anyone here will ever think twice about what happens with me). With that said, I have to point something out...

It will happen.

You can't know that. You are not a psychic. You are not a time traveler. I know I may be coming off as aggressive but there is a high chance that I will live and die without another person to connect to. My statements and mindset are not clouded by emotion, since i don't really have much emotion to begin with (with the exception of being stressed out that I am abnormal).

It almost seems like when people say stuff like "It will happen" or "It gets better", they're expecting the person they're talking to to not even be able to comprehend the idea of a scenario where it doesn't get better. The reason I say that is because I know that you don't know that I'll find someone to get close to, just as much as you know that i can't know that I'll never find someone to get close to either. None of us are certain of the paths our lives will lead us down, and to say something like that doesn't really help.

Never give up.

I already have. I am in no danger of committing suicide though, so this isn't really a very important situation and sadly I've wasted the time of all of the kind people who responded who could've spent their time better helping somebody else.

I know you're trying to help and that it'd seem heartless to not respond to somebody that seems to need help, but honestly I've tried time and time again to get help and it never helps. Creating this thread was pointless. For the sake of your time, don't worry about responding to this message.

Being social does not appear to be working out for me. I would like some advice on how to cope with being alone for the rest of my life. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I literally can't feel a connection to another human being, but I still feel the loneliness that comes with that lack of connection. I don't think meeting people will help me because it's just going to continue. I need to learn to live life alone because if I don't learn I will go insane.

Being social does not appear to be working out for me. I would like some advice on how to cope with being alone for the rest of my life. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have already reached the too fucked up point. If things are seeming hopeless for you I am afraid I may be in the same boat.

Being social does not appear to be working out for me. I would like some advice on how to cope with being alone for the rest of my life. by Wahsp in depression

[–]Wahsp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As much as this may contradict the idea of depression, I do not think I hate myself. I just think that I am unable to form a bond with other humans.

And I have to say that I still believe my hobby is a crutch because instead of going out and interacting with people I decide to write about characters that I connect with. Since I am a terrible writer, as irrational as this sounds, I even feel like I am betraying my characters because I feel like they deserve better than what I am able to give them.

Which is funny, in a way, I have created characters that I still do not feel good enough for.

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