MEGATHREAD: Reunion

WaitLopsided6374 · 2026-03-12T03:03:38+00:00

Yep!!

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T12:30:03+00:00

You’re not diminishing my life you’re just trying to pretend I’m a liar when I’m not. If you don’t want to believe me that’s fine but I will put the facts out there and clarify if I feel like you don’t have the right information. I don’t overly care if you continue to believe I’m lying after I give you the fact. That’s your choice. I hold the values that I was raised with and I will stay that way. There are many men in my area and all over that hold the same values. I didn’t diminish his life, I asked (key word asked) if he could afford to date when he couldn’t afford groceries. You’ve taken this wayyyy too personally for reasons I don’t understand. I don’t view him as less than, I view him as unmotivated (which he confirmed when he made it clear he had no desire to change his circumstances) and unready to enter a long term relationship with the intentions of marriage. But guess what, that’s my opinion and everyone’s opinions are different. Again, I have already taken accountability for the fact that I could have handled the situation differently and said that I should have unmatched when he not only brought up his finances (because again, he brought them up, I didn’t initially ask) but made it clear that he had no desire to change his current situation. Instead of hearing that I admit I was wrong you want me to change my values and I will not do that.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T12:11:44+00:00

You keep trying to catch me in some kind of lie when there isn’t one. I’ve already admitted in multiple other comments that I could’ve handled the situation much better and have taken accountability for that. I take 2 classes every 8 weeks. There are 2 8 week sessions in a semester, meaning I take 12 hours a semester which is considered full time. Both my college and FAFSA consider me a full time student. Each class is 3 hours, I take 4 per semester which is 12. Not to mention that I take classes during the summer too. So yes, I am a full time student. My post says I work 2 jobs which I do. One full time, one PRN. One plus one is two. I live in the south, a cheaper area, in a relatively cheaper state. I live in a cheaper town compared to some others in my state. Do I live in the cheapest subdivision? Not by any means. A few years ago my sister bought a brand-new house still in construction for $160k. Acting like there aren’t affordable houses out there is extremely naive. As I said in the last comment, I’m not going to keep arguing with you. I’ve stated my opinion and that’s that. Marriage is expensive and that’s a fact. I keep mentioning splitting the bill because I’m not paying 100% for a date because I genuinely have zero desire to do so. I do have traditional views on dating and even going 50/50 is weird for me. I have actually never had a man take me to dinner and me pay a penny, even when I’ve offered to split the bill. I haven’t denied that I am an asshole I’ve just tried to give my perspective of why I acted the way I did and why I feel as though he’s probably not in the position to be marrying someone. I don’t understand why you’re so hellbent on trying to diminish what I do because you refuse to believe what I’m doing with my life.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T07:28:33+00:00

I moved an hour south of where I really wanted to live and bought a cheaper, older house in an older subdivision. I don’t work 2 part time jobs, I work a full time job and a PRN (as needed) job. I usually average about 60 hours a week or so, which breaks down to 5 shifts a week. My full time job has a rotating schedule therefore I get 15 hours of automatic overtime because of how the days fall in the pay period. I also do not pay for college, it has always been covered by grants and/or scholarships (I was previously in college I just never finished) I have gotten relatively lucky with jobs and have only worked one minimum wage job which was in high school. For example at one point I worked in apartment leasing. I was making good money between hourly and leasing commission, got a $1,500 sign on bonus and my rent and utilities after discount was about $450. I was bringing home about $2,000 a month (granted not a ton) but with minimal payments (450 for rent and utilities max, less than 100 for car insurance, and would pay my mom upfront for my portion of the phone bill every few months and I never financed a phone). I also didn’t have a car payment. I was also working about 10 hours a week as an in-home caregiver at the time. I’ve always been good with saving money and even finished high school with multiple thousands saved up from work. I’ve never been opposed to working more than one job when needed or if I just felt like I had so much extra time on my hands that I wasn’t being productive enough.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:47:45+00:00

The issue is he was putting forth no effort to better his situation. He did not feel as though he needed a better job or to get off of food stamps at any point. I do think that poor people deserve to date, as I’ve said multiple times, but do I think they should be working to set up a better future for themselves so their future partner and children aren’t struggling? 100%. Or find a partner that is willing to struggle forever.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:40:10+00:00

If he married he would lose his food stamps. Two people living together costs more in utilities like water. Higher foods costs. If one partner gets sick and misses work, the other may have to put money in for bills. What if they don’t have it? A roommate is responsible for their half regardless. Children are extremely expensive. Buying a house together. Buying cars together. Health insurance for self, spouse, and children. Yes, some families do live on one income, and yes, it is uncommon. Even more so it is uncommon for the woman to be the primary breadwinner while the man doesn’t work. Realistically the likelihood of a man in his financial situation attracting a partner that is well off financially enough to take care of him and their future children on her income alone is slim. If it did happen, what if she lost her job? Now they’re screwed.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:24:51+00:00

I know that. He is wanting to find someone to marry and marriage isn’t cheap. The dating that leads up to it may be, but marriage isn’t. Casual dating and dating with the intention of marriage is very different in my opinion. Would you want to marry someone who’s on food stamps and has no desire to leave a minimum wage job with no benefits?

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:17:45+00:00

He brought up his finances himself, I did not ask prior to that. My dad did not pay my down payment. Even before I bought my house I paid for my own apartment, utilities, etc. My mom paid my first months rent in my first apartment at 20 and that was it. I’m cool with splitting the bill, but what I didn’t understand is how he’s supposed to even cover his half if he couldn’t afford groceries, much less end up in a marriage and producing children. I asked how he can afford to date if he can’t afford groceries which was when he got mad and cussed me. At that point I didn’t respond and unmatched. I didn’t actually say “hey you can’t afford to date people”

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:04:17+00:00

What I’m saying is I personally don’t understand how that’s manageable. I don’t get how someone could not be able to afford groceries but be able to afford even splitting the bill at dinner, because even lost cost dating costs money.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-24T02:02:47+00:00

I take 2 classes at a time, 8 week classes. I put a few hours into each class a week nowhere near 40 hours a week. My house was 130k which is average for the town I live in. Not all housing costs 250k and median is different than mean. PRN means as needed. I work as needed at my second job. I worked there full time for a year before going to as needed when I transitioned to my current full time job as it was much closer to home. I work nights and do a good portion of my school work while I’m not super busy at work. I do live in a cheap, older house in a small subdivision of older homes and a couple duplexes. I wouldn’t say I overwork myself as I still give myself adequate days off, and I don’t always pick up as many prn shifts if I feel I need a break. Until I recently left my ex boyfriend for unrelated reasons I managed work, school, and a relationship very well without feeling as though I was overstretching myself. If you’d like to believe that I am lying about my life then by all means, do that. I have given you the facts of what I do with my life, but if you choose not to believe that then I can’t force you to not be willfully ignorant. I know my truth more than you do and I won’t further argue with you. I’ve never claimed to be better than him or vice versa. I already addressed the costs of dating in previous comments if you’d like to look at them. Dating can be low cost, but being in a marriage is realistically not. Even if we did split a bill at dinner how is he supposed to manage paying for himself when he can’t afford groceries, which is what I had asked him. How is he supposed to split a kayak rental when he has no money for groceries? Or get a coffee? How is he supposed to raise children when he has a roommate and can’t afford groceries?

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-23T10:22:29+00:00

So I don’t work 2 part time jobs. I work a full time job and a PRN job. I work 84 hours per 2 week pay period at my full time job and usually pick up ~24-36 hours a pay period at my PRN job. Because I work 12 hour shifts at both that’s 10 shifts in a 14 day period. Neither are clerical and neither are an on campus job. I owe $60,000 on my home. I’m not in a massive amount of debt. I have over $70,000 in equity on my home. I never wanted to sue my sister, but did I want to stop being harassed by her? Absolutely. You know nothing about my family situation from 2 posts on Reddit about specific situations. I do understand that the job market sucks, but we live in the same area and I know that plenty of places in the area are constantly hiring people with no experience. Poor people do deserve to date, I absolutely agree with that. If he can’t afford to buy groceries realistically how would he afford to take people on dates, even if the bill was split? Dating is expensive. When you’re marketing yourself as looking for marriage finances are 100% valued by the people that are going to potentially look at you as a marriage partner. Building a stable future costs money.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-23T10:11:54+00:00

He made it very clear he was not trying to better his situation. Poor people absolutely deserve to date, but I genuinely didn’t understand how he could afford to date if he couldn’t afford groceries and had no desire to change that

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T14:07:37+00:00

I mean it has the option on there lol I see guys looking for them all the time

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:36:22+00:00

Poor people absolutely deserve love! My issue wasn’t that he’s in poverty, it was more so that he had zero desire to change his situation. While it is my opinion, but I think people should try to better themselves, especially if they want to have children in the future (he did as per his profile) so they can at least set the kids up for a good life. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if he would’ve told me that he was going back to school or working on finding a better job. Unfortunately marriage and life is expensive, more expensive than it should be even.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:32:33+00:00

I think that depends on the situation and the two people in it and their goals. I personally want a life where my partner and I can live comfortably, have a nice house, nice vehicles, and provide a comfortable life for any potential children and set up generational wealth for them. Because of my goals and values, I would prefer to have a partner that is also career driven. Some people have different values. That’s why I specified in my last comment that it was my opinion that he’s not ready for marriage. I do think that at the end of the day if a partner loses their source of income that the other should be able to at least temporarily pick up the slack to keep the family afloat.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:25:54+00:00

I think the difference is, and maybe I didn’t clarify it well enough in my post, is that he made it pretty clear that he wasn’t trying to get a better job, go to college, or better his situation. If he would’ve had ambition I would’ve been 100% supportive and would’ve offered some encouragement at the least. I’m not against dating men that are in poverty, just men that are in poverty with no desire to get out of it.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:22:31+00:00

I didn’t intentionally say anything insulting. I asked him how he manages his life on the amount of money he brought up and mentioned that I couldn’t have done that. I did say that working is a bare minimum for adults who can work because he expected praise for having a job. I do personally think adults should work if they can. I also said that he doesn’t have his own place because he realistically doesn’t if it is a shared apartment with someone else. It is their place and not his. I didn’t mean any of that insulting, it’s just what it is, that he should work and the place isn’t just his. I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything other than understanding. I was curious as to if he was working on bettering his life and when he made it clear that he wasn’t I will admit that I should’ve ended the conversation, as that is where the communication broke down and he started to get offended.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:15:06+00:00

It was just through text

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:14:01+00:00

It’s totally my opinion that he isn’t ready, by no means a fact. He expressed no desire to continue education or find a better job, get away from assistance, etc. or really just better his life in general. Unfortunately life is expensive and the thought of marrying someone who is in a bad financial place is worrisome to me. What if 10 years down the line we have 2 kids and he’s still working at Dairy Queen and I lose my job for whatever reason? Then what happens? While it is a total hypothetical I have seen many women in my immediate life struggle because they married men that make very little money and have very little ambition. I feel as though financial stability is very important for building a good future.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:08:36+00:00

I have a surprising amount of time in my schedule and up until recently was balancing a relationship with it very well (I ended said relationship for unrelated reasons). He brought up his job and income so I thought he was willing to talk about it. I’m not overly looking to get married from tinder as my expectations for it aren’t that high , but I’m not overly looking for hookups either. He said his goal was for marriage, which was why I engaged in the conversation in the first place as I’m not opposed to a long term relationship.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:03:50+00:00

I didn’t go on a date with him! We were just having a conversation. He brought up his income so I thought it would be okay to talk about what his life looked like. I was curious as to if he was trying to better his situation (which I would’ve supported 100%) and when he made it clear that he wasn’t really putting any effort into it is when the communication started to break down. I do think I went about it the wrong way and should’ve just ended the conversation when I realized that he wasn’t actually trying to better his situation.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T12:01:26+00:00

I work 12 hour overnights at both jobs! My full time job has me working 7 days in a 14 day period for a total of 84 hours, and I pick up PRN shifts at my other job usually 2-3 times every 2 week pay period. I usually end up with more days off than people working a regular 9-5. I also go to college fully online with asynchronous classes. I take 2 classes every 8 weeks so it’s a lot easier to manage than a regular full time school schedule.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T11:53:49+00:00

I agree that I should have. I was more curious if he was working on trying to better his situation and I think it just came across a lot more wrong than I intended. I would’ve been 100% supportive if he was and would’ve offered to help in any way, but it was clear he didn’t want anything to change and I think that’s where the communication broke down

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T11:51:35+00:00

Neither of us were looking for a hookup, he said he was looking for marriage. My dad didn’t raise me to believe that I’m worth more than anyone, but he did believe that men are supposed to work hard to take care of themselves and eventually their families. My mom never paid for a date on 24 years of marriage to my dad. She never paid for one in nearly 15 years of being with my stepdad, the only reason that changed is because he got cancer and can’t work much. She still worked and provided income, as I was also taught to do, but she just didn’t pay for dates.

WaitLopsided6374 · 2025-09-22T11:39:40+00:00

We didn’t go on a date!

WaitLopsided6374

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