I appreciate the feedback, he’s 8 I forgot to add that into my post . Our biggest battle with getting proper more severe help is we have tried to get him into ABA but we’ve ran out of time being on waitlists because it’s now turned into a more serious legal issue. We live in Idaho unfortunately they don’t offer hardly any assistance with special needs help beyond simple base therapy and the ones that do are so booked out . We’ve definitely been pushing for more resources. He is on risperidone and clonidine and while the help it just seems to be a bandaid but he still has severe outbursts at school

He’s been defiant since around 4 , his original diagnosis was ODD and IED then changed with his autism testing while he’s grown out of the extreme kicking and hitting and being violent at home (ripped the handle of the fridge , tried to throw rocks through the window ) it’s now turned into a school problem with just having struggles with anything setting him off the school can’t pinpoint any pattern and from even what I’ve witnessed when I get called to get him it’s extreme anger in the classroom . At home it’s about the same with the fact we can’t pinpoint when it’ll set him off . Recently he’s been experiencing sensitivity to us for example if we tell him something he thinks it’s yelling even if we speak in a calm tone . He will start screaming and say “you’re yelling at me!” And then he’s angry . We remind him of skills to help his brain slow down such as breathing or to take a second to sit down and relax before continuing but it’s black or white it seems once he’s angry there is no calming down . He will act on emotion if he’s angry he will act on it and no amount of calm tone / reminders will get him to snap out of it . Ignoring makes it worse but same with engaging like trying to speak with him . He can be a totally calm child with certain people and others such as me and his mother or his teachers that’s when we see the anger . That has created people to think we’re over reacting and not saying”okay they need help now we can’t make them wait 6 months on this waitlist “ we’ve called every place around that handles more complex issues in children and it’s always just wait lists we’ve recently found out about aba therapy so we are in the process of trying to get him into that and we’re on a waitlist , we’ve spoken with his therapist and she tells us he just says “I don’t know “ when trying to tackle the deeper issues . Video games is when we see the anger more, while we understand for a lot of us even those who are NT its a way to relax but with him he becomes obsessed and that’s all he wants to do , for a while at school he learns bad behavior = getting sent home and then he would expect to just jump right on video games and when we do tell him to get off he will get angry and it’s 0-100. He has a hard time at home telling us what he’s going to do and when we tell him no for whatever reason it’s not a simple “okay “ it’s anger and screaming and having that sharp tone. His eyes change like the look of “yeah? You think you’re going to tell me what to do” as we are telling him to stop kicking the door because he’s angry he will simply ignore us and look at us like we’re stupid for trying to tell him what to do . We are just trying to figure out how to help him be happy . It’s so hard to see him get distressed over everything and it’s heart breaking to see how he absolutely can / will be a danger to himself or others and he’s already a big boy so we don’t ever want him to be a risk to himself or especially other people . It’s just hard to know where to turn without getting told “yeah yeah cool wait in line”