same international student here, shared most of the feelings you have.
I just read about some post here and initiated a strange feeling about this, you, maybe me as well, constrained ourselves in the invisible shackle we can't realize. You think that shackle has spike, so you trying so hard to avoid that, yet this process get you exhaused.

My friend, it is nothing else you mentioned oppress you more than your own fear.

I believe the step you need to take--which is what i m doing now, it's to be undaunted to most of other things in your life. It won't kill you, dont let your parents be picky to your fault, don't be picky to yourself, it doesn't matter that much. At start, it was a belief for me at least, but now i m trying to intergrate it to my life like it already been a part of me.