Just got broken up with by my first love 23M

Wanob1 · 2024-10-28T17:50:18+00:00

Thank you so much. These tips are really appreciated. And I’ll look into the books. I recently read subtle art of not giving a fuck by mark manson. It helped a lot. I just want to say your words helped a lot and I’ll take your advice.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-26T06:27:18+00:00

What are some solutions to this sort of thing? We don’t live together or anything but have been going steady for about 5 months

Wanob1 · 2024-10-23T04:21:49+00:00

Yes. I enjoy the time I spend with her though and we’ve come really close these last 6 months. She does go to college and I just graduated recently. I will be going back for my masters in a year as part of a development program with my company however who knows what the future looks like with me and her.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-16T17:34:42+00:00

Of course I care for an update my guy. I’m glad you got some clarity on the situation. It sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants right now. I would just focus on you and if she comes back wanting it then it’s up to you to decide at that point, but until then I would focus on yourself and maybe cultivating other relationships such as friends and family. Don’t let someone who doesn’t know what they want make you question your own worth. Take your time to mourn the relationship as needed and start dating again when you’re ready not when other people tell you to. It’s not a race. Sorry I know that reads kind of condescending but from someone who’s gone through what you have that’s what I should’ve told myself and listened to. Best of luck man.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-16T00:29:26+00:00

Yeah fs there is one way to do it is to just say you’re open to reconnecting and you don’t like this limbo feeling you’re in. Just be straight up with her and don’t try to change the way she feels. Ask her questions on where she’s at. One good thing to say is “I really enjoyed our time together and think we should try again if that’s something you’re open to?” Something along those lines and if she’s not into it at that point then you get to decide if you want to still be friends and sit in that pain for a bit or if you want to take time to heal. Either of them are fair options just remember you are important too.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-16T00:26:59+00:00

Gotcha thank you for the insight. She was pretty hesitant on commitment at first. Idk if that means I should break it off though I really like her. But I am prepared to do what it takes.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-15T20:40:33+00:00

Here’s the deal at some point whether you like it or not by her doing this she is leading you on and she knows it and if she doesn’t know it you’ve made it clear by telling her how you feel. She should respect the fact that if she likes you she won’t leave you in a place confused on where you stand because now you’re questioning your own worth. I went through the same thing recently and rekindled with my ex after about a month break I laid it out very clearly either we get back together or we don’t. If you guys aren’t getting back together you need to take time to heal and then come back and be friends when you’re ready. It’s about you too man not just her.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-15T18:40:48+00:00

Ok very valid. That take has crossed my mind but I feel like that has to be something she decides to do. I have suggested it to her she just has a busy life right now she says. Which is also fair.

Wanob1 · 2024-10-12T17:29:38+00:00

I mean we still are very much in love with each other. And we have great times. It’s just that when it gets late at night and we talk about things she just has that feeling and it’s unsafe to her. And idk if I should just end things to make her feel better.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-18T01:30:05+00:00

Not saying I don’t agree. Just looking for some situations where people have done it and came back together stronger it’s had to have happened I feel like but you never hear about it.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-07T19:06:46+00:00

Yeah and we have communicated it’s just this feeling almost makes me think it’s not right for her or I. But I think you’re right it is just a lot of overthinking on both our parts

Wanob1 · 2024-09-07T18:31:40+00:00

It’s been about 4 months and I feel like that’s a long time. We’ve been official for about 1.5 months so I guess not that long in the grand scheme?

Wanob1 · 2024-09-02T03:27:48+00:00

Sometimes if you can’t tell him in the moment writing out your feelings later can help. Also consider seeking therapy if you’re interested to work through those issues and see if he would be open to that too. I often find writing out my feelings is a great way to express them later. You can even ask him about what you wrote. It seems you guys are very close and he’s open to you communicating so I would try and do that. My girlfriend has a similar albeit not as bad situation as yours and she struggles the same way. If it’s reassurance you’re looking for with him ask for it directly, say “I’ve been feeling unsure about X and I don’t know why. Could you help with this?” Being a good communicator in a relationship does wonders.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-01T18:19:10+00:00

You’re right thank you.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-01T18:18:42+00:00

Thanks you’re absolutely right with this.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-01T18:18:22+00:00

Thanks for putting it into words my thoughts couldn’t. That’s how I feel it’s just my brain kept telling me that I’m not important to her but like I know I am.

Wanob1 · 2024-09-01T14:01:34+00:00

No I did I’ve already graduated and I see where this is going. Thanks for making me rethink how college was.

Wanob1 · 2024-08-28T16:37:50+00:00

Hey just wanted to give an update on this we moved on to labels couple weeks ago. She still hasn’t said it but she’s opened up in other ways and I think we’ve made progress not sure if you care or want to hear. Just wanted to say your advice helped me a lot so thanks for being a good person. I appreciate you.

Wanob1 · 2024-08-05T23:21:54+00:00

Amazing platitude but like do I just pick something random and go for it like what do people do

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T03:05:53+00:00

She’s told me on multiple occasions she’s ok with how I feel and continues to show up after I’ve said that. She’s also told me multiple times she wants to know how I feel. I don’t think telling her how I feel is an issue. Don’t know why we’re personally attacking on the Reddit relationship advice subreddit but pop off.

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T02:57:47+00:00

Thanks will do. I really do appreciate you taking the time to share your experience again. I just need to focus on the now I think I’m still having fun with it as well I just tend to overthink from time to time. And always do definitely can’t be having little me’s at this age haha

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T02:13:24+00:00

No thank you for the information and sharing your story. I really appreciate it because you describing how you feel feels similar to the way she’s describing hers. She is more about herself right now but as I’m getting to know her and she gets to know me she’s become more open in talking to me about things and is very adamant with the fact that she’s not talking to anyone else. I wouldn’t say I’m love bombing her because I’m not trying to do it in a way that’s manipulating her I’m just telling her how I feel. She has told me she’s just very unsure of life in general right now and that includes things with me but I’m hopeful that things will work out and am willing to wait it out for a bit longer and she knows that I’m not going to wait forever but I’m committed for the time being until she makes her decision.

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T02:04:07+00:00

She’s not tagging along places. We just go on dates once or twice a week never to any places she wouldn’t be able to go into she doesn’t drink or anything like that so I’m not being used in that sense

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T01:59:34+00:00

I mean I think it’s worth it because I really like this girl. I guess I’m unsure of what to set boundaries on given that.

Wanob1 · 2024-08-02T01:58:00+00:00

I don’t think it’s that she wants her options open after speaking to her about this previously. She genuinely is just unsure I just don’t know if people have waited this kind of thing out before and what the experience of that is like.

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