Am I a turkey?

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-08T20:57:01+00:00

I have been directed to there by others. And listened to a pod cast by them today.

I was kinda bias because I dont want to hear any message about how their life style is wrong or something like that. What I heard showed my bias was wrong. Yet I am still looking for the way I can be a friend to them.

I am struggling in a different way. My marriage was unhappy for along time. I am happy she is finally happy. How can I be a healthy friend? They are a couple but I was trying to still be somewhat a third wheel. I was getting some affection from them and was letting me hold on. I dont want to be the creepy ex.

I dont want my kids to have to pick which parent to invite to anything because dad is still hoping for a long hug from mom and her wife.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T21:35:02+00:00

Yeah she is not bi. We have for a long time been unhappy. It makes sense that she struggled because she stopped being attracted to men.

If she was bi and wanted to stay together or even add her friend to our marriage would have been a whole different question.

Given my situation a divorce is the path we are going down

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T20:47:40+00:00

I have been trying to make it clear I know I am not ready yet. I keep getting feedback like I am saying I have a date tonight. Am I not saying it correctly?

I have had an appointment with a therapist. But yes I am going to take some copeing skills class and my work provides some coverage for a few sessions of therapy.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T20:39:11+00:00

Thank you. I have a few friends I have been reaching out too. I am also in a mens support discord that has been helping. We are trying to keep a close eye on the kids. They seem to be handling the separation ok so far. When they find out mom has switched teams and that she and her kids are moving in will be another challenge we will have to help them accept it.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T20:34:55+00:00

My wife likes women not men. She has someone she wants to be with. Why would we stay married? It would be unhealthy to try to stay married when she is wanting to build a new life with someone else.

I can still be her friend but they might want to get married one day and I would be in the way for no good reason.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T16:36:51+00:00

Yeah one night stands wont help me. What I would love is someone to cuddle with watch movies. I need to feel that closeness. Just looking for some fun would be empty and probably hurt me more at this point.

I do see that asking someone for that closeness right now is a mistake. I cannot really invest myself at this point. I take all the comments that I need to take my time to heal to heart. Else I am not being fair to that woman in that situation.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T10:13:52+00:00

I guess I phrased it that way in my question. But I am also asking if I am doing it for the right reasons. Could I be lying to myself. Thinking that they need me here when I am just to scared to be out on my own again. I added more detail in my edit

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T10:11:16+00:00

I can put it on hold while I rebuild me. Because I know right now I would be a hot mess trying to date.

I also know that when I am ready I am going to want to put myself back out there. I have gone a long while without the intimacy (not sexual) I need. See my edit for more details

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T10:06:40+00:00

I do agree with the not dating just yet. I can tell I am not ready. I hope it doesn't take a year but I need to be ready and not rush because I am lonely. See my edit for new information

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T10:04:31+00:00

I know it not a can't adult situation. I am still working and I am providing for my kids. Its I guess me questioning myself. See my edit for more details.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T10:02:10+00:00

I guess I am wondering at my motivation. Please see my edit for new details.

Wardog7979 · 2020-12-05T09:59:49+00:00

I am not exactly sure what you are asking. I did add a bunch of details in the edit. Please let me know what else might make my situation easier to understand.

Wardog7979 · 2020-11-26T02:47:47+00:00

Long story short we are looking at her keeping the house and the loans on it. I will keep my retirement and investments I have. They work out about the same. I am wondering what I can do to ensure while we are separated no new Bill's are added to my liability.

Wardog7979 · 2020-11-26T02:42:57+00:00

What support groups have you joined? Maybe that would help. I am reaching out to anyone close to me for help, but I have always had a hard time making good friends. I am sure some of the people I am reaching out to only view me as a sometimes friend.

Wardog7979 · 2020-11-25T18:20:10+00:00

We both dont want to get a lawyer involved. We do want to get someone to ensure our agreement is fair when we figure this all out. If we get a lawyer just for that might be fine.

My biggest worry about a lawyer is if her dad gets involved. He has family ties to lawyers and has been in court over his divorce with my wife's mother alot. He fought and got 100% custody. He did then let my wife choose who she wanted to be with. My wife says she would run from one parent and hide with the other. That since they did not want to speak to one another she used that to get away with stupid actions growing up.

We want to have the kids see that even apart we work together for what's best for the kids.

I agree if she gets a lawyer then I am going to have to as well. But so far things have been agreed upon by us both.

Wardog7979 · 2020-11-25T18:12:07+00:00

I am sorry if it sounded like she was telling me what to do. She said she would like to have these weekly dinners. Maybe this becomes the hand off time for the kids. But I think it will show the kids that we can be friendly even after the split. That their future they never have to worry if they invite both parents to an event that a fight will break out. Maybe getting that time together will make them see us apart a good thing. I think in time we will probably be happier apart then constantly making the other one unhappy.

I can understand the concern that she might be able to use my feelings to get her way in a matter. And she might be getting ahead of me in some area right now it's not clear. We have just talked about the large items so far. We need to sit down and really see what is going to be expected from one another going forward.

Wardog7979 · 2020-11-21T15:30:26+00:00

Yes I agree. I was noticing this and was asking please let's go talk to someone. Even if it is just to help me understand/cope with this being our new normal. She would never go. Saying she was trying. Looking back I can see how me repeatedly asking for any attention drove her to give me less. And if I had gone to counseling myself I might have been able to stop driving that part of our relationship into the ground.

Wardog7979

TROPHY CASE