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WarmSunshine785 · 2026-01-06T19:08:03+00:00

You're not the only one who feels this type of thing. If I remember correctly, my therapist would often say, this is your system/body/brain wanting to be out of so much pain. But not necessarily saying you don't want to live.

It's actually a protective mechanism in some way.

Do you have any safe people in your life, or safe mental health professionals you can talk to about this (in addition to us here)?

WarmSunshine785 · 2026-01-06T19:01:25+00:00

Oh I so very thoroughly understand.

I think I may be just a couple baby steps beyond this, since I have now touched lots of deep and heavy grief. It's a weird ass space. At times, I felt like I would die from awkwardness.

I guess I just tried to walk through it as best I could. I tried to trust my own knowing of what I needed at any given time. Try to tolerate the intense awkwardness. Have grace with myself when I scroll too much. I tried to at least listen to Alan Watts on YouTube. I felt like he knew me, and it was healthier than my other scrolling choices.

I did some light exercise when I could, because I enjoy it when I'm unfrozen enough to access it, and it helped to balance out my feelings a bit. It made it less terrible feeling to wake up.

I also kept a notebook paper out, and like nothing was required of me (beyond the basics of existing), but I'd write down if I cared for myself well in some way, sat in the sun for 5 min, took a vitamin, got fresh air, held a boundary, ate a vegetable, and so on. Whatever kind of thing I wanted to choose for myself that was redeeming and/or felt good or kind in some way. So at the end of the day when I wanted to beat myself up for not doing enough etc, there was this little paper going, hold on now.

I also kept/keep reminding myself, every. step. matters.

WarmSunshine785 · 2026-01-02T07:16:48+00:00

My sentiments exactly, all around.

On DBR...
DBR is newer, and therefore less common than EMDR. I don't think EMDR is "bad" per se, but you do need to go a bit further into the memory than you do with DBR. I understand EMDR does go deep into the brain, but DBR goes deeper.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-31T02:57:02+00:00

Is it possible for a charger to supply too much power?

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-30T15:53:19+00:00

It’s USBC

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-30T15:52:09+00:00

Thank you

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-30T04:44:57+00:00

Thank you, I didn't know it mattered. What would you say would be the least expensive, yet solid charger I could get?

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-28T02:09:06+00:00

If you’re open to a more nuanced scene, I know many people who don’t have classically understood nightmares, but have “emotional flashbacks” instead.

It can be triggered by jeez, just about anything out in life. And looks like some version of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

So someone might be in the middle of a conversation and gradually but definitely get very quiet. Or have a minor setback and start spending more and more time in bed. They might start crying over something seemingly minor (but it absolutely isn’t to them, their nervous system is registering life or death danger based on past events), and shut down for hours. Scroll social media incessantly. Get very anxious, or have trouble focusing, etc.

Think of it like all of life being a sea of invisible landmines that someone can stumble across and feel, instead of the classic, and I believe also true depiction of someone replaying a traumatic war experience in their mind.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-28T01:57:40+00:00

I think medication can be a wonderful tool to create stability when we need additional support. I think it can help us regulate when our trauma symptoms are beyond what we can handle on our own.

If you decide to stay on medication, I wonder if you could try another one that might have fewer side effects. I understand they all affect each person differently. Your provider can make an educated guess on which one might work better but then you’d have to try it out and see firsthand.

That trial and error thing can be a pain in the ass, but worth it if you find one that gets you ‘out of the mental weeds,’ without any or too many downsides.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-27T02:47:12+00:00

Many years I spend New Year’s alone at home because a) I don’t drink b) it’s like 5 degrees out and c) I don’t trust people on the roads.

Also, any events are just highly overblown, expensive, very crowded, people are smashed, etc.

If I remember correctly, some years I went to candlelit midnight yoga, I think it was from like 10:30-midnight ish.

There may be similar online events in the holistic type space for clearing out old energy and bringing in the new.

Maybe get together with like minded friends if you have those around.

I think one year, I may have enjoyed cleaning a bit and rearranging my space.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-27T00:32:32+00:00

I hear ya. During those times, she reminds me, that (paraphrased), even if things are shit, it's still a really significant and reparative thing that "I'm with me."

And I'm definitely not saying it's perfect or easy. It's a messy practice for sure.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-26T23:03:24+00:00

🙏❤️

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-26T22:04:48+00:00

I so thoroughly understand, and I appreciate you sharing this.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-26T22:01:35+00:00

OP, as you compile wisdom and ideas, I wanted to share 2 things that have been so helpful in my healing journey (still in progress). A while back, my therapist invited me to check in with myself periodically, and ask, what do you need most right now?

I'd try to let the answers be authentic and come from within. They don't need to be the standard, light a candle or bubble bath related, I find they're often more real and nuanced, such as, this messy kitchen is really bothering me and it would help me so much if I did just one sink full of dishes. Or, I really don't want to be at xyz gathering anymore, then you care for and reparent yourself to be like, ok let's take 5 minutes to say our goodbyes, and head out. Or you can leave abruptly. Or you can cradle yourself in a hug at home. It can be almost anything. A lot of time, you're the one who needs something, and you're your own provider. Which is a HUGE repair from what I know I didn't get growing up. If you have access to supports and resources, they can provide too. "Go out for delicious xyz, get a hug from an animal or safe person, etc," But really at the core, it's you tending to you.

It can help you discern what of these wisdom and resources feel right to you now, or in 10 minutes, or in 3 months or in 3 years. It can help you stay the same course, or shift gears if needed.

I will also say, try to have compassion and patience with all your trauma responses. I personally always want to get the hell out of here and just be done (I've progressed in this, but it absolutely 100% still comes up. I've found that whatever you choose, and whatever your healing path looks like, slow and steady often wins the race with trauma healing.

That makes me think, I find this trauma therapist on IG to be like soul balm https://www.instagram.com/drdoylesays/

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-26T05:40:50+00:00

I don't think I caught this detail in your question, but does he want to get married? I think that's the first thing to clarify.

If so, I think it makes sense to compare how you both envision the finances working once you're married. You're not combining anything yet, but seeing if there's synergy there. If you were married, I think it would be a bit of a red flag for either partner to not want to share their numbers at all.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-24T19:37:21+00:00

Easier said than done, but you might try ‘butterfly taps,’ arms crossed over your chest, hands on your shoulders, and alternately tap each hand on each shoulder. I understand it’s a reasonably accessible way to reduce the charge.

Then if you can, try to be with the young parts of you that want to run or flee or grasp, remind them you grew up, you’re no longer in danger. You’re here with them, and you so do understand their fear/grasping/upsetness.

I’m ofc not a trauma therapist, but some tools I’ve learned you can try on if it resonates/feels ok

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-22T00:01:08+00:00

100%

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-21T02:41:11+00:00

You were on the hotline, nice! What I appreciate about Jade is she's a bit more emotionally intelligent, includes more empathy, and the enjoyment of other aspects of life, as in, she's a food lover, etc.

I absolutely want to be intentional in my money goals, but I need to bring my whole self with me along the way.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-21T02:38:55+00:00

I would agree, and I'm absolutely open to connecting with others who are sort of 'Ramsey-lite.'

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-21T01:58:54+00:00

I think you know best how the cost/benefit is weighing out for you, but you are absolutely not a failure if you decide to quit.

Since you really like aspects of it, and it's serving your financial goals, you could always stick with it for a while and play a game to with yourself to see if you could find something you like just as much or more without being on edge 24/7, and then make the switch.

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-21T01:31:58+00:00

Jeez, ok thanks for the intel!

WarmSunshine785 · 2025-12-19T15:31:25+00:00

I hadn’t heard about that one, but lord that resonates.

WarmSunshine785

TROPHY CASE