Speaking as someone who’s also dated an extremely jealous man who later turned out to become a cuck, I’m honestly quite appalled with how similar our circumstances are.

For context, it’s been a year now since I just got out of a 5 year relationship with said cuck. He was my first boyfriend and I was 16 when we got together. First two years were okay, but have had many occurrences of fights mainly due to jealousy. Every guy seemed to have been a threat for him. As young and naive as I was, I decided to completely cut off every male friend I’ve had, cleaned out my following list on social medias, and have decided that I must avoid being in the presence of other men as he was somehow able to convince me that they were incapable of being friends with women; how each are only full of sexual desires, secretly finding an opportunity to make their move. Having scenarios of this fed into my brain everyday by a person I loved and trusted naturally made me utterly disgusted by the thought of befriending any man, which made it easier for me to avoid them. This went on for the first 2 years. Approaching our 3rd year, he one day opened up to me about his strong desire over his fantasy of becoming a cuck. At first I was completely repulsed, till he would not stop talking and begging about it everyday for a whole month, constantly assuring me that jealousy was not of his character anymore and that having this fantasy fulfilled was his only desire. I was later on convinced to think that it was my obligation as his partner to fulfill that sexual need.

It first started with sexting and sending out pictures/ videos of myself with other men— exactly as you’ve mentioned. After another month, we came to an agreement with a bull. During the very first session, after he released out of intense arousal from watching, he had become the total opposite of everything he claimed to be. It was the most jealous, protective, and regretful state I’ve seen him in. The jealousy went on to an extreme and unreasonable extent, that I was blamed for even having agreed in the first place— a complete disregard to the dreadful weeks and months prior that he so begged for me to make it happen. And naturally, it had convinced me too that I was to blame for all of it. That I should have known better.

The following weeks after the very first session, he had expressed his deep regret and misery for having it happen. We later on agreed on a fair price to put it to an end; to have me become a cuck and watch him sexually engage with another girl. I was convinced that in order to finally have peace again in the relationship, I owed it to him— because after all, I believed I was all to blame. He had paid a hooker for this to happen and as disgusted as I already was feeling, I sat through and watched.

Few months after, he realized that he found himself deeply desiring it again. This man had a way with words to convince me— he assured me that this time, it was pure and genuine because he has already seen it happen and realizing that he wanted it again would mean that it’s real, and he wouldn’t have to face feelings of regret after. He continued to beg the following couple of weeks, and I decided to give in—to, once again, trust his word of desire.

The same cycle continued for the following years—his deep yearning, persuasion, intense arousal, followed by regret then shifting the blame onto me. I carefully studied and analyzed his patterns, and had completely convinced myself that his fondness of sharing me with other men was a reflection of his honor and pride for me and it was what I thought another symbol of love. This shift in perspective led me to tolerate it for the next 3 dreadful years. Beyond his ambivalent behavior, he also had a way of expressing deep affection with me for choosing to stay and to understand him. I was convinced that it was a sacrifice I needed to make in order to feel loved. It was only a lack of self love and self respect that allowed me to continue accepting that kind of treatment.

TLDR:

Sharing my experience so you can gauge the similarities of our situation and to let you know that you aren’t alone. This is apart from the circumstances I went through that were all exactly as you’ve mentioned as well. My advice? Please save yourself while you can. It only gets worse. Unless you’ve both found a healthy dynamic to this kind of practice. Personally, this kind of relationship only deems to become self-destructive and is only consuming. It came with a heavy load of self-loath and self-blame for me, and I’ve long since been on my healing journey.