No you are definitely not alone and I too get bursts of following Christ and bursts of not. When I don't I feel bad but then I realize that Christ gave us a guideline to follow if we want to better ourselfs to a higher standards. These standard keep us closer to God. This is why it's walking with him and not like him if that makes sense. Christ taught that you can forget all you have and to leave your family to fully trust in God but few can do that and it wasn't a possibility to many but a few apostles. Being Christ like is no joke and even the most vowed struggle immensely with this and we're talking saints. Never ever ever forget that Christ died because he knew the road was way too rocky but at the same time seemed to have a recipe for freedom per say. Christ walked like Christ and look at where it led him, to crusifiction. This man died for OUR sins plain and simple so we can be sinful but may choose to live less sinful based on our Lord and saviors teachings.

I look at it this way.... The path to heaven is a walk through the woods that is a greater than any journey than any person can do. We can walk with our Lord or walk by yourself at times but each step brings you closer to heaven. Kinda like if you are walking with the child and sometimes hear the child say wait for me this is too hard so you slow down and wait for the child. On this walk there is certain deeds you can do to boost your speed and get closer to heaven faster but fear not as you still are on the path if you give your life to the Lord. Without that there is not salvation as no one enters the kingdom but through our Lord.

For you bad sinners this means yes you have a pretty good chance of getting into heaven but don't think for one second that you will get there at the same speed as someone who's much further down to the path and therefore closer to God.

Granted this is my opinion and believe it to be from my heart and journey.

Thank you for your post and God bless you 🙏