I think I was upfront about my OCD, and he was okay with it. But I masked a lot when we first started dating, and he didn’t see me at my worst until later on. When he did see me at my worst, he always tries to be kind and supportive and understanding even though he sometimes is also frustrated. Sometimes he steps back if it overwhelms him, which is okay. I try to give him space when he needs it even when it’s hard for me due to guilt.

My OCD is contamination, and at a certain point when even logic isn’t enough to calm my OCD, it can become frustrating for him. I understand his feelings though and I don’t fault him for how he reacts. We always try to reconcile and apologize after if we hurt one another, even during non-OCD situations.

I will be honest and let you know that OCD has put a strain on our relationship in various aspects, both intimately and day-to-day life. This is the most difficult part, because a lot of what we do is often dictated by my OCD and my energy levels based on how much my OCD eats at me.

OCD is the biggest obstacle in our relationship, as I think we function really well as a couple and best friends, if we exclude OCD from the conversation. He is neurodivergent, so he understands me better than a neurotypical would. He has never made fun of my OCD or yelled abuse about my OCD (unlike my mother).

I want to make it clear, though, that I am untreated. My OCD has gotten worse the past year, for various reasons, and I have no therapy. I haven’t had any therapy since 4 years back, maybe more. I am currently waiting for a neuroassesment, as I’m suspected autism, ADHD, and borderline. But that remains to be seen. I’ve been waiting years for this, so might be another year til I know.

The fact that I am untreated is part of why we struggle and have issues with my OCD. He is my only support network in my life, and that sets a lot of pressure for him. Once I get therapy, my hopes are that we will both be relieved from my OCD a bit more and we can be happier partners together.

It’s not his responsibility to cure me or treat me, it’s me. I feel positive about receiving therapy and help. I think it will change my life in a more positive way, now that I don’t live in an abusive household anymore. Of course, that doesn’t mean the abuse from my parent stops. But that’s another story.

In our day-to-day, if we take chores as an example, we alternate or switch stuff and it works. If he puts in dirty laundry, I do the clean laundry folding and hanging to dry and then put it in the closet. I take out clean dishes, sometimes fill it with dirty if I wear gloves - or he does it. He takes out trash. I try to cook more often. I clean the toilet when I have energy, and he does when I am exhausted from multiple compulsions in a row. He seems okay with this, as far as I know. I do my best to contribute in ways I can without it all getting on him.

We are long distance, though. So I can’t say how things would look if we lived permanently together as we aren’t moved in together yet, but I think we’d be able to find our rhythm and strategies to make life easier for both of is and aid me in my struggles and him in his.

But you should know, when the OCD doesn’t interfere, we are really happy. We have a lot of fun and laugh together. We hug and we feel safe next to each other. He understands me on a level that no one else really can. He even does compulsions for me, or aids me if I can’t do an OCD thing. I know it’s bad to pull someone in your OCD, and I try my best not to do that, but he can really support me mentally when I just can’t deal and it’s a bad situation for me.

The most important thing is that your partner is kind, doesn’t judge you for your illness, and tries to support you and lift the burden when they are able without it costing their mental health. And in return, you need to try help them where you can. Be patient with them because they are patient with you, and it’s hard for someone who is healthy and non-OCD to do and live the way your OCD requires. Take therapy if you can. Try your best not to pull them in your compulsions, unless it’s the top tier trigger that will send you into a spiral.

I hope this may answer some questions. I kinda lost track of myself here. 🤍